tih view

These are my thoughts on this subject and what works for us.  

I am a grown woman, not a little child, and I did not want to go into this relationship with Bob having to watch me constantly making sure I got the job done. Yes I need him to give me guidance but I do not need to be micromanaged. I also do not think it is his job to keep reminding me that something needs to be done.  After all how could I say I reached my goal with him constantly reminding m

For example:

When Bob and I first started this dynamic, we talked about wanting me to email him every day. Once we established the guidelines and made it a set rule, Bob would remind me if he did not receive an email by 10 p.m.  As we evolved and he was getting emails daily he no longer reminded me and left it up to me to remember. He now only reminds me if he knows I have had a stressful day or something was out of the norm.  Because he would know that I would forget and instead of letting me fail, he would gently remind me once to email him.  Once acknowledged then it is up to me to email him.

When we started this dynamic, and realized that we needed to change things I did not want Bob to do everything for me. I want to do this on my own. First to show him that I can do it and two because I know that if I don’t do it by myself it will mean nothing to me. It would like Bob would be making all my decisions and I would be mindlessly following him.

I do like when I get the occasional reminders because it gives me more confidence knowing that he is still paying attention. That the goals/rules that we set are still important to him and he is watching to make sure that they are accomplished

The perfect example is when Bob decided to write his post and I told him I would like to write my view. He reminded me a couple times but when he saw that I was starting to get stressed out he backed off for a day.  He said that you have until Tuesday to do it and I will be glad to help.  And the reason he offered his help is because I am a wonderful speller, grammar, and punctuation coach. But when it comes to putting my thoughts on paper or talking about them I stress.  Who would have thought that after 25 plus years of composing my own letters for work I would have a hard time?

I am happy to say that most of this is my own with a little guidance from Bob. 

Bobbie

Happy New Year

              

      

Bob and Bobbie



                                                                         

Bob and Bobbie's thoughts obout DD

Bobbie and I are going to try to write about what is going on in Billy and Sue's head in the little story below. This will be a two part post.

The Story 

Billy and Sue have been working diligently on their DD relationship for a couple of years now and Billy sees a huge improvement in the way Sue's outlook on life is. He is now seeing the fruits of their labor and now thinks they can enjoy each other's companionship the way they have always wanted and he doesn't have to be so ridged in how he has to conduct himself.

So Billy starts to focus his attention on other things that need to be done while still keeping an eye on Sue's progress. Billy's mind set is that all is well in their household and he is congratulating Sue and himself for finely getting to where they wanted to be in their relationship.

Sue is happy at the progress that they have made and is proud of the way Billy has stepped up and has been right there in the mix of things not letting her get away with too much with the rules they have made together.

After the talk they had about how good their relationship has gotten, she notices that she is starting to get edgy and anxious. Sue is trying to figure out what has changed, why is Billy different now? 

Sue talks to Billy about how she feels but neither one can figure out what has changed and very slowly Sue feels a break in their harmony and starts falling back to the way she was and starts to brat.

Billy is beside himself as things were going so good. He is doing what he should have and now Sue is having a nuclear meltdown and he is at ground zero. 

Sue thinks that Billy doesn't care as he has stopped telling her what to do as he no longer is the forceful man he was three weeks ago. In her mind he is acting as if he doesn't care and starts to take it out on him by falling back to the way things are.

So who's fault it? is it's Sue's fault or is it Billy's fault?

Hoh's view point

As a male HOH I am going to side with poor Billy for the moment because the man was and is still is very active in their DD dynamic. He is just focusing on what he thinks needs his attention at the time.

Most of us guys, as you probably know by now, aren't very expressive and engage in problem solving in a totally different way than you gals do. Since I can't speak for all men I can only speak for myself this is my thought process.

When Bobbie and I first started doing DD I had to be very active in what she was doing by keeping my end of the bargain helping her to get from point A to point C. 

As time went by I didn't have to voice my opinion as much as I use too and as we became more efficient in maintaining our roles and there was less for me to do.

 My thoughts were that we had done a good job so far and now we could enjoy ourselves and I didn't have to be the one carrying the hammer being the "bad guy" always correcting her.

Also I look at it as if the ship is sailing on its own power why try to fix it just do the maintenance and it will be running smooth for a long time.

It would be like a weekend mechanic and his son working on a car. He teaches him how to fix the car how to calibrate the engine and when it is done his son can now maintain the car without having to be reminded how and when it has to be done.

Now the weekend mechanic can set his attention on another area of the car while watching over his son making sure he is doing a good job and if he sees an error he tells him so then goes back to his own project.

This is the way I feel, Bobbie is my equal and my best buddy. We have worked hard together to get to where we are and I don't think I have to keep reminding her to do something she is now doing. I can now focus on other areas of our dynamic to enhance our relationship and perform maintenance as needed. 

Part 2 coming soon

Give Thanks

Wow this year flew by real fast didn't it? I was staring at the screen for the thousandth time wondering what I was going to write and sitting here in the quiet room because both Bobbie and Walter are snoring their little hearts, out I decided to write about what I am thankful for in our DD relationship.

I know those of us that have initiated DD first to our spouse or partner had a rough road and more than likely been may not be to where we want or perceive our DD relationship to be and at times it is reflected in our writings on how it is a struggle to maintain.  

First off I am thankful for Bobbie. For without her none of this would have happened. I might still be dreaming about DD or spanking some girl. She has come so far from being the vanilla queen of non kink to (drum role please) Mrs. Vader mistress of the dark side lol.

She has embraced DD after struggling trying to find her comfort zone in our DD relationship. She is becoming active in the DD community trying to help others searching for answers in their walk with DD. No we are not perfect and we still fight and bug each other but now we have learned how to talk to each other to solve our differences.

I am thankful for the friends that I have made in blog land although we may never see each other we have a common bond in that we support one another in our trials and tribulations.

You all are amazingly supportive. I have seen you circle the wagons when one of us are hurting, attacked, cheer for our successes and when one of us has a bitch session you also lend us your ear.

I am thankful for the close friends we have made chatting, texting and emailing each other. Through casual chats we have made some very close friends and have met them several times.

Merry Christmas from my house to your house

Rambling Thoughts

There has been a lot of talk lately about how one spouse is always not engaged in TTWD  as much as the other and they almost never seem to live up to their partners potential and unfortunately the one who wants it the most is the one left holding the bag being hurt in the end.

It seems like we, the one who brought this lifestyle, are always in a catch up mode. It is three steps forward two steps back and then we have our bad days where it seems that what we have gained and are holding on tight like a life line see it slip from our tight grips falling ever so farther from us.

It seems we are forever explaining ourselves on why we think this is important in our lives when our spouse seems to be not so interested in it any more or when outside circumstances get in the way.

Another thorn in our sides is the inconsistences that our partners have, they (we) say xyz is going to happen and then it soon is forgotten and we get mad. Things are said and again the life line that we are hanging on to is less. These are but a few things that can happen and when they do happen make us lose more of our life line.

My personal opinion is that there are basically three things that cause our woes and it is US, Them, Real life.

The us: most of us have wanted this TTWD since what seems forever. We have eaten, drank and dreamt  about how we were going to our DD life style right down to the crossed t's and dotted i's and when it doesn't happen we get mad because they are inconsiderate in our feelings.

We try to force feed them the information on why this endeavor is such a great idea or when we see them less interested we try to manipulate the situation to get back to where we think we should be. Heck I even went so far as to pouting and throwing myself on the bed when Bobbie wasn't interested in doing DD any more.

LOL I even remember the time when we got into a big argument because at the time she didn't seem interested in doing DD. I would say fine then I quit too. I am never going to ask you to try to do DD either (sigh pretty pathetic huh)

Them: They have been living with us for 10, 15, 20, 30 years then one day over coffee we are telling them that we want a DD relationship in all it's glory and they were looking at us as if we lost our minds or some government experiment went awry and we were the end results.

They jump on board and start hot and heavy then when it's time to think things through they slow down not sure what to do. So for them the next best thing to do is nothing and things soon come to a screeching halt.

Then there is the person who has fought for every inch of real-estate and then is told all future fighting will cease and desist but he is so use to fighting he is looking at every encounter  for us to come out swinging.

Then sadly we have the person who is just not that interested in DD
and they see it as a job or just don't care to try to do it because of the responsibility's they will have.

Last one is real life. It has its own set of problems from health issues, kids to jobs. This can affect them in many ways and can be down right debilitating to try DD because they are expending all their energy taking care of real life problems.

So what do we do to fix it? Don't know sometimes I am in the same boat as all of you in fact I am sure we have passed ships once or twice lol.

What I try to do when I find myself in these predicaments is to sit back and look at the situation to see what Bobbie sees or take a break for a few days because with us we always seem to drift back to DD even when one of us fell off the boat.

The best tool that we have when used correctly is communication because as long as they are talking  they are interested and then maybe something you say will finely click and the great DD light bulb will stay on.

Having patience, love, self control and friends in this lifestyle doesn't hurt either.

As long as we desire this type of relationship we are the ones that will bear our souls, cry, cajole, finagle and say I am swearing off trying this while at the same time trying to figure out new ways to get them on board with DD.

One last thought for my fine readers if you are at this point in your life with DD. Think back to the days before you started DD, what were they like?

Now think of the times when DD was working or even the way it is now, which is better? Was it before DD or after DD? That answer in itself should let you know what your next steps will be.

My guess is your going to jump back in the ring and try it again till we get it right.

Bob
 

Need your help

Hello fellow bloggers

As some of you already know that I have inherited a DD forum that was called Joannie and Friends a couple of months ago which I have changed the name to CurleyBob and Friends. I now have most of the bugs fixed and the forum is now in operation.

This is a Domestic Discipline forum were the male is the HOH (Head of Household) and the female is the tih (Taken in Hand) in the relationship. I have taken over the forum because I want to try to give back to the community what you all so unselfishly have given to us; I want this to be a place where people can come in to talk about the joys, and tribulations in their lives. I would also like this to be a place where people can learn about DD, talk to others about problems they may be having and to help one another when one is struggling in their DD walk.

I have made this by invite only because I am looking for people that want to interact and to help others learn about DD. I am not looking for a large body count that don’t help one another but for a few that will try to give back to the community as you have.

I am asking all of you if you would please link the holding hand picture in the upper right hand corner to my web page www.curleybobandfriends.com so that likeminded people can find the forum. Your blog, if you choose to link me to it will be my only advertisement that I will have to let people know that we are here to give back to the community. 

To all of my visiting friends that stop on by to say hi this also includes you, if you wish to see what we are about please click on the holding hands link in the upper right hand corner.


If you have any comments and or suggestions please feel free to leave me a reply or contact me through email at bobhoh9@gmail.com.

Thank you in advance for your help

Spanks and kisses (bobbie did this)

Some extra banners of my forum to choose from

Bob