Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Evil Hormones

When the hormones are correctly working and evenly balanced, life is good for all involved. The husband is happy and the wives are at peace with the world, but when the hormones are off, look out world. The gentle kind woman that we love is now a raging uncontrollable mad woman. She is a force to sit up and avoid at all costs.

When we were first married and I experienced this event first hand, it really scared the hell out of me to see this kind woman all of a sudden become a woman possessed with her head spinning around and spiraling out of control. I felt as if I was the priest in the Exorcist with little faith holding a cross in one hand and holy water in the other, walking into the bedroom seeing Bobbie tied to the bed post her eyes rolled behind her head laughing manically and facing the demons that have taken residence in Bobbie’s body.  Not a pretty picture is it, (Well Bobbie tied to the bed post, yes)

thus the fighting and arguing started. As the years gone by, I learned to ignore her and left her to her vices because in a few days she would be her sweet normal adorable self again.

Fast forward decades later. We found DD and started to implement it into our lifestyle and the honeymoon was great. There was peace and happiness in the Vader household. Then came the evil imbalance of the hormones Bobbie spinning like a top, ranting and raving about all things that she perceives as evil and wrong mainly with me. Then with excitement the new super hero HOH (me) jumps in with both feet thinking I can now control the beast and then quickly resorted back to my old ways of fighting toe to toe with her. Only to get my ass kicked. As I was crawling back to my cave with tattered cloths licking my wounds once again wondering what just happened in there. This went on for the first 6 months some fights I would win a lot of others I would lose.

Realizing that nothing had really changed, all I really had to show for the past 6 months was a title saying that I was the HOH of no one not even me. I didn’t want to go back to the way it was so I did some more research on how to become the HOH that I wanted to be.

During my extensive research of about a few hours I found a hidden gem that could help me be a good HOH and that was “I have to be the HOH of myself.”

“What” I said, after pondering over the meaning of this new gold nugget I have found I realized that if Bobbie was to change I had to change first. So I learned to control my anger not to jump to conclusions and not have such thin skin getting my feelings hurt every time she said something hurtful and above all this to be able to convey to Bobbie what it was that I wanted or what was wrong with what we are doing.

Back to the drawing board we went and once again started to talk about our expectations of what we wanted to accomplish in this new adventure. We set clear and precise goals and we would review them once a week. We reset the clock back to day one. Again all was fine for a couple of weeks then the evil hormones possessed her once again and then as before all reasoning left her again.

The kind of new HOH ears perked up. But this time instead of jumping in with both feet into the mouth of the lion’s den and arguing with her, I watched closely to what she was doing and then calmly told her to calm down. More often than not this worked if I caught it in the beginning stages and if it went too far then most other times not so much.

I found some useful tools. Watching and talking gently. Those were good tools because it had a soothing effect on her madness. She seemed to focus on what I was saying so she was able to find her way back to normality.

Other tools that I have found to work when the evil hormones show up and is out of control is discipline. Sometimes a smack on the butt works and at other times when sterner measures are necessary something has to be taken away from her to focus on us and the situation at hand.

As the months go by, I am winning more battles than losing. I now notice that I am listening to Bobbie now and instead of blindly fighting back I can see my opponent for what it really is. Not the evil hormones all the time but it was a lack of communication. The basic tool every person needs to survive any type of relationship. Just good old common sense communication skills.


Friday, October 25, 2013

Benafits of DD

Jason Girl from The Taming of the Shrew  and I are doing another post together on “What benefits does the tih and the HOH get out of the DD relationship”. Or in other words, what is in it for them. Being I am the HOH I will gladly take this standpoint and Jason Girl will talk about the tih’s point of view.

First of all these feeling and accomplishments that I talk about below can and have been done without having a DD relationship but it is hard to do without both parties involved. DD provides a way for the two parties to get involved and be proactive in their relationship.

The things that I get out of this DD relationship are as follows:

1. Contentment. I am content knowing that we are working together and no longer struggling separately and sometimes against each other.
2. Trust. I can now feel like I can let my guard down knowing that Bobbie has my back and that if there is something that I should know about she will inform me of it as I would her.
3. Accomplishment. I can see things getting done that are an improvement in our lives. In the things that we do together and separately. I can see a clear path of where we were and how far we have come with goals in place to take us into the future together
4. Relaxing. I am more at ease when I talk to Bobbie knowing that I am being listened to not having to worry about some bomb dropping out of the sky because she forgot to do something that I asked her to.
5. Commitment. In the beginning before DD I really didn’t care what Bobbie did as long as it didn’t cause us grief and aggravation. We pretty much did our own thing and then sometime during the week when we saw each other, we would touch base on what was happening with us. Since DD I now have a renewed interest in Bobbie, what she does, says, feels, thinks, acts because I want nothing but the best for her. I see what she is and what can be if we apply ourselves in being better. I want to help her become the person she wants to be.
6. Sense of worth. Let’s face it, everyone wants to be wanted, men are no different. I am at my happiest when Bobbie comes up to me either to ask for help or to ask me for advice in whatever is she needs at that time. It feeds my ego that I am wanted, respected, that my opinion means something to her and that she trusts me enough to share her joys and sorrows with me. The look on her face when she speaks to me is such a rush to my ego.
7. Love. Although we have always loved each other, with DD in place I now love her even more because I am really hearing what she is saying to me. I see her hopes and dreams. I want her to succeed in whatever her goals are. I want to put her first in everything I do. I love to see the smile when I do something for her or if I see her struggling I will pitch in and help her to get done faster so we can be together.
8. Closeness. We have gotten closer instead of being good friends we are now great friends. I want to spend time with her I want to hear her talk, laugh at times complain and cry, I want to comfort her when she is sad, help her when she is hurt, and laugh with her when she is happy.
9. Communication. Before DD we talked, the lights were on but no one was home. Now DD has taught us how to listen before we speak, think before we say something and to say it with kindness never in anger.

Alongside of that there is a dark side of DD that I also like.

1. Control. I like the control I have over Bobbie. I love the way she gives me her submission the way she bares her throat to me. Trusting me not to break her to take care of her and to discipline her when needed.

2. Discipline. yes I know we are not supposed to like it but I am a spanko and if I were to tell you that spanking Bobbie does not do anything to me I would be a liar. Although as of now we use alternative discipline but we are experimenting with spanking so who knows were that will lead


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Thoughts On Spanking and DD

I thought it would be fun to write about some of the questions that I toy with when I am thinking of what to write on my blog.  These are some of the battles I have with myself on how I think the mechanics of DD are at that moment
The one thing that is a common denominator of a main topic of any DD discussion whether it is written in the blogs or in the chat rooms it is spanking. Read a blog or go into a chat room and you will hear story after story of how they have received or given a spanking for any number of reasons.

I know for me and most other spankos out there we get that need satisfied because we get that rush by either receiving a spanking (tih) or giving the spanking (HOH). For me there is nothing more satisfying than watching Bobbie’s bottom in front of me turning red and the reactions of her ouching and moving around thus giving me feedback.

For others, it is atonement for the wrong they did to their spouse. They accept their spanking because it washes the slate clean. They have endured the hardship of discipline proving that they are sorry for what they did and then they can look their spouse in the eyes and feel that everything is ok again.

Other tih’s might do it because they need to feel the hand of their HOH on their backside not because of anything that they did, but because it is when they feel the closest to their spouse.

When our silent lurkers read our blogs, they want to be entertained by it. They want to read about who got spanked and why. They want to hear about the gory details of the spanking itself and the reconciliation between the two partners that once again everything is well in their lives till the next time.

So the big question is why is spanking so important to our DD relationship? Obviously spankings work. There is no taking away from that and if all that is said from the blogs are even half true, it works very well indeed. You probably could get the same reaction by using alternative discipline, making the person write lines, stand in the corner, do extra chores or kneeling on rice (just kidding) etc. These all work very well to get the point across to the errant tih.

Could it be that there is some sort of underlying sexual component to all these spankings? Even discipline and even when no sexual actions follow? As mentioned before we have two willing participants.

For the tih who willingly offers their butt to be spanked. They get their satisfaction from knowing that their partner cares enough about them to take the time to spank them thus they feel loved, wanted, desired and a sense of worth because they are being paid attention to.

The HOH that is doing the spanking feels that he is needed because he is helping his tih sort out their problem and if the wrong was directed towards him while he is administrating the spanking he feels justified in spanking her. In a roundabout way he is getting back at her for the pain and suffering he has endured.

Sometimes when DD spankings are used to help motivate does it sometimes fail because success might mean less attention for both parties? And for the TIH spanko’s, how can something we want and need also work as a deterrent. On the HOH spanko’s side deep down do you want your TIH to sometimes slip up? Do we silently cheer in the background for the tih to fail?


Friday, October 18, 2013

What Do You Do?

The other day we were talking to a good friend of ours that is also in a DD relationship and she told us that they were through, finished, that they could not carry on like this that it hurt too much to try and keep it together.

What do you do, what can you say when your friend drops a bomb saying DD is done?

Bobbie and I were speechless. Of all the people that we thought were stable it was them. And then to learn it was on sandy grounds for a long time was disheartening to say the least.

She proceeded to tell us the story how she did not trust him anymore. That he crossed the point of no return. He punished her out of anger. He spanked her a bit hard yes, but he also said things that were hurtful, cut deep to the bone.

What do you do, what can you say?

After he came to his senses he realized what he did and he apologized for what he did. He was so shocked at his own actions that he withdrew contact from his wife and he went into his shell. She took this as another blow to her already damaged relationship that he was still angry and she started to build up walls to surround her so she can’t get hurt again. 

What do you do, what can you say?

After things cooled down they started getting closer learning to forgive and forget but the walls were entrenched. He wanted to continue DD but to go slowly to work at what happened. She said yes. They talked and worked things out. But when it came time to reinstate the rules that they made she froze and refused to let him lead.

What do you do, what can you say?

After a couple pots of coffee, it all came out that she was pushing because she wanted a hard spanking. One that would hurt and she pushed hard to get it. He had a stressful day that day and he snapped. I know, not very HOH like, but it happened. After all we are all human. So he gave her the hard spanking she wanted and he went a little too hard. He said he was tired of listening to her whine about DD and how he wasn’t doing his part of keeping DD together and he said he didn’t want to do it anymore.

What do you do, what can you say when a friend comes to you and tells you that they have a big gap in their relationship. Do you just shut up and listen to their story or do you try to figure it out? Do you give them advice on how you see to fix the problem or do you pretend it never happened? 

What do you do, what can you say?


Tuesday, October 15, 2013

13 Common Myths of a DD Relationship

1. Starting a DD relationship is easy.
Starting a DD relationship takes a lot of time and energy to do. You have to research what it is that you want; what she wants out of this new relationship; you have to envision where you want this DD relationship to go; and where you will be in a month, 6 months, or a year from now and beyond.

2. Once the DD relationship is agreed upon there is nothing to do.
Once the two of you have agreed on the DD lifestyle you want your work has just started. You have to interact with your partner and pay attention to what is going on. You must deal with the problems as they come along not hiding your head in the sand and now, like anything else you have to maintain the relationship.

3. The tih has to completely comply with the HOH’s wishes.
The tih is not a mindless Stepford wife to do the HOH’s bidding at the snap of a finger. She has needs too. She is not your slave to wait on you hand and foot well not all the time LOL.

4. The HOH is always right.
As much as I wish it were true, alas it is not so. We are human. Therefore we make mistakes and when we do make them we should own up to them just as we expect our tih’s to do

5. The tih must always take a spanking.
 If your tih thinks there is a problem and refuses a spanking because of it, you best listen to them and find out what the problem is or this could well be the beginning of the end of your DD relationship.

6. Spankings fix everything.
There are times when a spanking just doesn’t do it. You may just have to hold her, just scold her,  give her a good talking to or even a kind word does more than any spanking will ever do. Use this tool wisely.

7. The HOH is not accountable.
If anything you are more accountable because you should now hold yourself to a higher standard and to show your tih that you practice what you preach.

8. The tih has no say in the relationship 
The tih has everything to say if it comes to her health and safety. Plus, she also has a say in how this relationship is going to go. This is not a one way street where the HOH leads, you have a copilot watching your back by using her you can avoid some unpleasant pitfalls.
9. There will be no more fighting.
LOL. There will still be misunderstanding but now hopefully you will be able to settle them faster and with compassion.
10. The tih will not test the HOH.
They will test you every chance they get in the beginning just to make sure you are paying attention and at certain times all through the relationship just in case we aren't paying attention.
11. HOH's are mind readers.
Again another false claim that I wish was true. Letting the tih in on a little HOH secret, we can't read minds so you will have to give us hints at times when we seem to be missing the ball on what is happening.
12. The tih will understand the HOH's wishes.
The HOH has to communicate their wishes and directions plainly and clearly on how they are to conduct themselves in and out of the household.
13. The relationship will always be serious.
Yes it is a serious thing we are doing. But please remember this is just a tool to hopefully make your relationship stronger and better than it was. But never stop having fun and enjoy each other as you walk together on this earth together.



Thursday, October 3, 2013


Since this is the month of Oktoberfest, some friends have come up with a new spanking version of Oktoberfest. They are calling it Spanktoberfest.

The way to play the game is that the Hoh has to spank his or her Tih at least once a day until the end of the month.

Now for the adventurous folks out there, if you would like to post your achievements then drop me a line at bobhoh9@gmail.com and tell me how many spankings you've gotten or given.


Tuesday, October 1, 2013

It Is Working

We seem to have found our little niche in TTWD I am at peace with what we are doing and Bobbie is more relaxed and she is able to let her hair down. The reason for this post is to give you readers who have been following our new adventure on how our alternate discipline is going. Bobbie is going to input her thoughts on this subject. My writings will be black and her response will be blue.

I am pleased to say that this new type of discipline that we are trying is very agreeable to Bobbie's mind set and she is no longer worried how she is going to react if I try spanking her or give her CT if she breaks one of the rules we have set in place.

This new discipline style that we have adapted has put my mind at ease.  I can handle my punishment in a much more calming way.  It makes me reflect on what I have done and at the same time doesnt belittle me. Gives me more confidence in myself.

She is even self-monitoring herself. She even tells me when she has not done what we have agreed on. She has done this on a couple of occasions and although it is great that she is doing this, I am not comfortable because I feel like I am taking advantage of her. As if I am the one that is slacking off and not giving her my all in this endeavor.

I keep telling him it is okay if I tell on myself.  Is this not the honesty part of the program? He cannot be constantly watching me and on alert 24/7.

As you all know Bobbie has to email me every day. Her deadline is 12 am and if she doesnt send it to me by that time she knows that she will lose her electronics and her reading time for a whole day she gets everything back at 12 a.m.

The first time she told me she didnt write in the morning I looked at my email to verify that she didnt. I wanted to tell her that since I didnt catch her that it was ok. But I thought better of it and kept my mouth shut and let her work this out on her own.

She concluded that she should have her electronics and reading time taken away because she did not live up to her side of the bargain. She did not know that she hit a cord inside of me. I felt that I should have caught it and it should not have been her to step up and tell me she failed but I said to myself I would be more alert in her writing.

Two days ago she came up to me and preceded to tell me that she didnt write again and that she would have to give up her electronics and reading time once more. Then she got real upset with herself.

When she was telling me this and I was watching her war with herself justifying her actions I suddenly felt inadequate and felt guilty like I was cheating her by not paying more attention to what was going on with the two of us. If I am missing this little task what else am I missing? How can I ask her to do this if I am not even watching what is going on.

I apologized to her for not paying more attention to what was going on and that I wasnt holding up my end of the deal. She looked at me and said it is not your job to monitor me. it is my job to make sure I do what I promised and if it doesn't happen then I pay the price for failing.

TTWD has a way of gentle way of teaching everyone that there is always something new to learn and a way in humbling the the HOH and uplifting the tih's. In this case it has taught Bobbie how to be accountable and it has shown me that I have more work to do to being her true HOH.

When oh when is he going to learn that yes he should bring things to my attention when I dont do something we have agreed upon, but in the same breath am I not accountable for the rules also? Just because he doesn't always read his email doesn't mean that he is neglecting me or ignoring me. It just means that he is human. Sometimes that is the problem with our HOHs. They think that for them to error is unforgivable.

In the beginning of this journey that was my biggest problem. Losing my identity as a woman and equality in our relationship. If it is his responsibility alone to catch me, then I am not holding up my part of the bargain.  And from what I have read and learned this is an equal opportunity relationship. If I want to be treated like an equal I have to be proactive in ttwd.