There has been a lot of talk lately about how one spouse is always not engaged in TTWD as much as the other and they almost never seem to live up to their partners potential and unfortunately the one who wants it the most is the one left holding the bag being hurt in the end.
It seems like we, the one who brought this lifestyle, are always in a catch up mode. It is three steps forward two steps back and then we have our bad days where it seems that what we have gained and are holding on tight like a life line see it slip from our tight grips falling ever so farther from us.
It seems we are forever explaining ourselves on why we think this is important in our lives when our spouse seems to be not so interested in it any more or when outside circumstances get in the way.
Another thorn in our sides is the inconsistences that our partners have, they (we) say xyz is going to happen and then it soon is forgotten and we get mad. Things are said and again the life line that we are hanging on to is less. These are but a few things that can happen and when they do happen make us lose more of our life line.
My personal opinion is that there are basically three things that cause our woes and it is US, Them, Real life.
The us: most of us have wanted this TTWD since what seems forever. We have eaten, drank and dreamt about how we were going to our DD life style right down to the crossed t's and dotted i's and when it doesn't happen we get mad because they are inconsiderate in our feelings.
We try to force feed them the information on why this endeavor is such a great idea or when we see them less interested we try to manipulate the situation to get back to where we think we should be. Heck I even went so far as to pouting and throwing myself on the bed when Bobbie wasn't interested in doing DD any more.
LOL I even remember the time when we got into a big argument because at the time she didn't seem interested in doing DD. I would say fine then I quit too. I am never going to ask you to try to do DD either (sigh pretty pathetic huh)
Them: They have been living with us for 10, 15, 20, 30 years then one day over coffee we are telling them that we want a DD relationship in all it's glory and they were looking at us as if we lost our minds or some government experiment went awry and we were the end results.
They jump on board and start hot and heavy then when it's time to think things through they slow down not sure what to do. So for them the next best thing to do is nothing and things soon come to a screeching halt.
Then there is the person who has fought for every inch of real-estate and then is told all future fighting will cease and desist but he is so use to fighting he is looking at every encounter for us to come out swinging.
Then sadly we have the person who is just not that interested in DD
and they see it as a job or just don't care to try to do it because of the responsibility's they will have.
Last one is real life. It has its own set of problems from health issues, kids to jobs. This can affect them in many ways and can be down right debilitating to try DD because they are expending all their energy taking care of real life problems.
So what do we do to fix it? Don't know sometimes I am in the same boat as all of you in fact I am sure we have passed ships once or twice lol.
What I try to do when I find myself in these predicaments is to sit back and look at the situation to see what Bobbie sees or take a break for a few days because with us we always seem to drift back to DD even when one of us fell off the boat.
The best tool that we have when used correctly is communication because as long as they are talking they are interested and then maybe something you say will finely click and the great DD light bulb will stay on.
Having patience, love, self control and friends in this lifestyle doesn't hurt either.
As long as we desire this type of relationship we are the ones that will bear our souls, cry, cajole, finagle and say I am swearing off trying this while at the same time trying to figure out new ways to get them on board with DD.
One last thought for my fine readers if you are at this point in your life with DD. Think back to the days before you started DD, what were they like?
Now think of the times when DD was working or even the way it is now, which is better? Was it before DD or after DD? That answer in itself should let you know what your next steps will be.
My guess is your going to jump back in the ring and try it again till we get it right.