Thursday, October 24, 2019

Rambling


I have been visiting blogs, chat rooms and forums for some time now and I am amazed at how some people talk in the open media where everything you say is almost instantly saved, cataloged and almost immediately out there for the masses to see when they go on a rant on how their S/O isn't doing DD the way they think it should go.

Some of the information is entertaining, informative or just plain ole gossip so they can hear themselves talk. What is amazing to me is the way some people talk about things that I would consider disrespectful to their partners and friends be they Tops or bottoms.



Things I am hearing are “my husband just doesn’t get it after doing this for xxx amount of time” or “my wife all she does is (insert here) and it’s driving me crazy, I don’t think she cares about being submissive” and the list goes on and on.





First of all in defense of all these unhappy people that truly want this type of lifestyle and it just isn’t going the way you want it to, let me say that I totally understand your frustrations from dreaming about it then finally getting the green light to go forward.


 Now you are thinking about how it is going to be a life-changer because your partner said yes; and then, after all that, hitting a brick wall at 100 miles an hour. I truly feel your pain and bewilderment in what you are going through.



It’s like you just slammed your finger in the car door type of hurt. It hurts real bad to see your hopes crushed because it isn’t going the way you always thought it would.


Let me give you some advice if you are the one that wants this bad enough that all you do is think about 24/7. It probably will never truly be happy because it will never be what you want it to be. There will always, more than likely, be something off.

                                   Warning Detour Ahead. 

I have to say this first before I continue with the post that I am very happy with what Bobbie has given me and that she continues to amaze me as she becomes more submissive to me. She has given me her best that she can at this time and she is stretching herself every day trying to accommodate my needs and wants. It is definitely a beautiful work in progress on how much she has grown in this lifestyle. For that sweetie, I am forever grateful most of the time 😈               

                                                End Of Detour 

How do I know this? It’s because I am one of you, I like you have dreamt of the day Bobbie would say yes to DD and when that day came I was the happiest man alive I hit the jackpot or so I thought. We did everything according to the book we talked and talked some more about how we were going to be a team working together. 

The one thing that I didn't take into account was that I am a spanko and Bobbie is not. So what I really want to do, the way I always envisioned it, I will probably never get to do. Bobbie does not like hard spankings, and it is not for just because it hurts, it is because it puts her in a very bad place it is one of her very hard limits. 

One problem you will have is that you are at a different level than your spouse. You have read just about everything there was to read. A lot was good and some not so good. Your spouse probably has read nothing at all if very little. 

Think of it this way, your wife or husband loves exercising. They are fanatics about it. Then they ask you to come to the gym with them to shed some pounds to get healthier.  

So you agree. You see them running top speed on the tread mill and then lifting those weights and not even breaking a sweat. And here you are panting and sucking in air as fast as you can all the while you think they are trying to kill you after being on the tread mill for 5 minutes. 

Then after a few months of swearing you are never going to do this and as time goes by you slowly start to run with the top dogs in the gym. 

How did we work around it? Through a lot of trial and error, communication, experimenting and going slow. Did I say going slow? Checking back yes it’s in there. There are no fast lanes to get from where you are  to where you want to be.  Chances are if you’re in the fast lane you’re going to miss some vital warning signs and end up on a not so good road and there will be damage to repair before you start your trip again. 

So what happens if they can’t come to a level you think you should be? Let me ask you a question, what did you have before you started this journey? If you are like me you had zilch nothing nada. 
Isn’t something better than nothing? Especially if she is doing the best she can. What more can we ask of them?  

I have found I don’t need everything that I wanted or thought that I wanted because we both are working together in making our lives better with each other and when we boil it all down isn’t that what we truly want is to be happy in the short time we are together?

To be continued: 

Bob

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Anger


You seem to hear about it every day on the TV news, read it in the newspaper or on the internet feeds on how crazy the world has gotten because people are so angry now and they are lashing out at whomever or whatever they can. 

It has become the focal point in conversations on how angry people are and sadly it seems to be breeding at an exponential rate. All this attention about violence and anger got me thinking about TTWD and does anger have a place in it?

First of all, let me say that violence of any kind has no place in any relationship be it a DD one or a vanilla one. It is abusive non-consensual and it destroys anything that is good. 

Our community is a finicky and very protective one which I am very grateful for. But I have noticed a few hot words that bring fire and brimstone from the person that is offended by what the other person was saying.

The hot word for the day is anger and my post today is "does it have a place in our little community?"   

How many times have we talked to our friends about so and so might be in an abusive situation because he spanked her hard while being angry or read about a blogger telling her story about how angry her husband was when he decided to discipline her.

The common answer from our concerned community most of the time is that the HOH should have waited until he has calmed down enough to address the problem. That DD should be suspended somehow until the HOH is no longer angry. But is that really true?

When the HOH sees red the veins in his neck and head are bulging and ready to pop or if he is destroying things it is probably safe to say he is not in his right frame of mind.  

I think that if for whatever reason the HOH cannot control their anger then they should avoid physical contact altogether. They should walk away and remove themselves from the situation as best as they can till they calm down enough to think rationally then revisit the problem at hand.

The anger obviously that I am talking about is the controlled type where the HOH is still under control of himself mentally and physically to deal with the circumstance in a sane logical manner.

Let's say, for example, that Susan comes home with a speeding ticket that some nice policeman gave her for going over 40 in a 25-mile zone. But she doesn't tell him she just pays the ticket thinking he will never know. 

A few months later the insurance company sends him the new contract on his auto insurance. He opens it and upon seeing the new cost of insuring the car, his eyes bulge, is he angry? I would say hell yeah he is.

He marches in the kitchen shows her the bill and tells her how angry he is then grabs her by the elbow and directs her into the bedroom and spanks her. But the big difference here is he is still under control and not screaming or saying how he is going to make her regret getting the ticket or saying regretful things that he will be sorry for later. 

I cannot imagine an HOH peppering his wife's butt for doing something wrong without being angry about it. Think about it for a second. The last long spanking you got for doing something really bad was he angry or very upset? I would say you would snicker and say oh yeah there was perhaps smoke coming out of his nose.

By him being angry he is relaying to his wife while spanking her that he is not a happy camper with what she has done and will not tolerate it. Also his tone of voice will indicate to her that he is highly upset with her.

Again I will say that violence of any kind has no place in any relationship be it a DD one or a vanilla one. It is abusive non-consensual and it destroys anything that is good.