Friday, November 29, 2013

Super Hero

Do you feel important at work where you are the go to guy/woman that they call upon to go into the workplace and slay the dragons that are plaguing the office or the IT team and when you come home you run your household the same way with such efficiency?

Are you the homeowner who always has it under control the perfect hostess who has an immaculate house, says just the right thing at the right time to fix whatever the family needs? You try to please everyone all the time by being the showcase TIH?

Then you are what I call the Super HOH and Super TIH who in the eyes of the lesser beings (newbies) look up to you in wonder wishing they could be like that. ZAP! You just stopped your wife from having a major melt down. POW! You put off your lunch with your mother to do some errands for your husband because he is too busy being needed elsewhere. BANG! Both of you struggle to clean the house after you do your flashy stunts for the masses. Like in the comic books we super heroes look… well super. We got it all together but do we really have it together?

Like all Super heroes we have a nemesis who is called time. For you see in order to be this super hero we have to give something up and what that is depends on what type of super hero you are but we all have the same down fall. Time does not stand still for anyone. It keeps on ticking and moving at an ever constant pace not caring what we do at any given time. In order for us to be super heroes we knowingly and sometimes unknowingly have to give up something to keep our persona up of being the perfect HOH or TIH.

Another nemesis is “I can do that”. This evil doer is subtle. He knows how to make you feel important while he is working hand in hand with Time using “I can do that” together making you think you’re doing a great job.

Let’s travel to the mythical Domestic Discipline city Villa where Vader Bob and his sidekick Bobbie live with Walter their sometime butler. What we see is a couple that is totally together. They are suave, sophisticated, and they say all the right things. They are cool. Everyone wants to be like them (this is my story and can tell it how I want LOL). They try to give back to the DD community as it has helped them when they were learning the ropes.

We see Bobbie and she has an immaculate house, everything is in place, the laundry is all done her dad is a happy camper she is keeping Vader Bob happy and she is in chat talking to friends and when someone new comes in she greets them answering question when applicable. As we watch her more closely, we notice things are slipping a bit. She is not holding it together like we thought.

If we look in the closet we see clothes that need to be folded and put away. Dinner is late because she was talking to a friend who was having problems or she was trying to fold cloths because her husband told her she has been slacking off and needs to get her act together or else. Because she doesn’t know how to say no to her friends or complete what she has promised she gets mad at her hubby because now he is upset that he don’t have underwear to wear so the arguments start.

First it is a remark under her breath but as the day goes on she gets madder and starts saying more than she should have. Now it is a full blown argument and the final recourse is a spanking to reset her attitude.   

Now let’s travel to Vader Bob’s work place. We see him at the top of his game being the trouble shooter for his IT department barking orders to save the day. He is smiling while he works long hours because he is thinking that by him working all these hours he is helping Bobbie be more comfortable in running her household but he notices that when he comes home little things such as the house not being as clean as it was when he was working normal hours.

When Vader Bob comes home he is not greeted at the door like he used to be. Now he is greeted by the dogs. While having dinner he notices she is on edge. She don’t smile like she used to, so he goes into super hero mode trying to fix her problems but missing the boat because he never realized what was really wrong was he was AWOL from the family because he is working long hours.

That she had to take up the slack of making all the decisions on top of her own chores to take care of the household.

Yes being a super hero is tough. But you know what I have found out? I don’t have to be a super hero to everybody. Just the ones I love and those friends that are like family to us, those are the ones that matter the most. I have found out that when I am a super hero to everyone that is when my arch enemy Time and “I Can Do It” has control over me because he has convinced me to give up valuable time away from my family.

I am also learning to control Time to make it do my bidding. By prioritizing things that are the most important then working down from there and that may even mean that something’s may not get done by the end of the day but I will know in the eyes of my family I am able to leap over dust bunnies in a single bound and able to carry heavy clothes basket up the stairs for my wife while I struggle to figure out the new math with the kids and when the day is done and standing proud with my cape flapping in the breeze knowing I am a super hero to my family.


Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Bobbie, Walter and I would like to wish your family a happy and safe Thanksgiving.

Also our cyber family would also like to wish you a safe and great Thanksgiving (yes most of the characters are all friends that we have made along our DD journey)

Friday, November 22, 2013

Cone of Silence II

I want to give you an update on the room code name the cone of silence. It has been about 2 months now since we have built it and we thought we would give you an update. We are happy to say it was a huge success and we have never been more pleased with any project that we have built before, this is our masterpiece the cream de la cream.

This is the most used room in the house when we want to get away from Walter. It is also a place to go if we want to get away from each other too. Yes ladies and gentlemen the cone of silence has become our safe haven. A place to get away from our real life problems.

But sad to say we have detected a problem. An Achilles heel defect so to speak. Not with the cone of silence but with Walter. Who would have thought he would find a way to torment us and chuckling evilly at us having a good time at our expense, neither we nor any of our friends on line, foresaw what would happen to us.

What is the problem you ask? Have a seat grab the box of tissues on the table over there by the coffee and wine because it is a real tear jerker. The one problem that we never thought about was Walter and his super sharp mind. Yes this is the same person we thought we outsmarted because he couldn’t hear us while in the basement for you see he is catching on to what we are doing.

The first month was great. Around 8 p.m. or so we would grab a couple of towels and tell him we were going to take a shower and we would be back later. An hour or so later we would come up with huge smiles on our faces giggling and laughing like two young teenagers in love then sitting close to each other to watch TV with him and he was never the wiser.

If we needed to talk privately, one of us would say honey would you mind helping me get the laundry or can you help me do this or that and off we go to the cone of silence and settle our differences. But then after the first month and a half he started to figure out some things because we were getting a little complacent in our approach to him.

One day after we got done with our showers he started to make little comments like you two take a lot of showers. At first we were able to skirt around the barb by saying no we don’t take that many showers and as time went by you could see his chest puff out slightly saying “you stay down there a lot what are you doing down there?” 

We would nervously say "no we don't stay down there alot " but we could tell he was getting into his hound dog mode. When he knows he is on to something he starts to ask questions when he thinks something is amiss.

Now he boldly mocks us with a strong loud voice “you two should look like prunes.” Or now his favorite is “Is that gills I see behind the ears?" We just look at each other say nothing and sit down quickly snickering like kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

Another time we had a dispute to settle and I said "honey will you help me get the laundry?"

Bobbie knowing something was up immediately said "I don't think there is any thing to bring up sweetie"

As we debated if the laundry needed to be brought up Walter piped in “will the two of you shut the hell up so I can watch TCM.” 

Well that ended the debate and both of us hurriedly went down to the laundry room also known as the pit of despair. You ask what the pit of despair is? It is the laundry room and storage area of our basement and it seems to eat things that we put down there. It is like a black hole. We put things down there on a table or shelf and when we go back down a week or so later to get it, it disappears from sight. It’s like little gremlins take what we put down there and hide it on us. Our standing joke is that if Walter is looking for something we automatically tell him it is in the basement and we don’t know where it is at. After we settled our disagreement we went upstairs and again Walter with his best grimace ever said "I thought you went to get the laundry? You know I only have ten pair of underwear left . And what in the world are you doing down there any way and where is that blasted remote control?"

We love Walter. We love him a lot. His body may not be what it used to be but his mind is sharp and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. So now we have something to try to outwit and that is the mind of Walter.



Friday, November 15, 2013

10 Reasons Why Darth Vader Would Have Been A Good HOH

Not much is going on in the Bob and Bobbie household so I thought I would have a little fun with my anti-hero Darth Vader.

1. He had a plan, was committed and consistent.

2. He never hesitated to discipline his colleagues when needed

3. He led by example never breaking the rules.

4. He wanted to see the Evil Empire grow.

5. He had very good communication skills.

6. He helps whenever he can

 7. He was always making others excel in their work

8. He practiced what he preached.

9. He was loyal

10. He had one heck of a cane



Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Love Our Lurker Day


Welcome to my blog my fellow lurkers! This day has been set aside just for you to let you know how much we appreciate you reading our blogs. I once was like you. I never thought I had anything to add because all I did was read.

But I stopped by PK's blog New Beginning to read a Fantasy Friday Story. She had a simple request at the end of the story that she hosted. Reaching out to us lurker's she asked us if you never posted on this site please leave a comment even if it is to say hi. That was the first time I said something on line. She sent a response back to me saying how thrilled she was that I had written something

This community has taken me under their wings and taught me how to blog and supported me when I was the new kid on the block. Telling everyone that I had opened up shop and to stop by and to say hi.


So I am doing my part to give back to the community. I am offering an extended hand and saying welcome brother and sister Lurker's to my blog. All I ask is that you leave a comment even if it is just a simple hi nothing more.



Tuesday, November 5, 2013

The vanilla lifestyle vs. DD lifestyle

There is one question that keeps coming up on my blog and in some of the other DD blogs and chat sites that I visit from time to time. The question is “Why did we go the DD route when the Vanilla Lifestyle offers the same thing?” At first I blew it off as a question that was asked to confuse the issue and then the more I thought about it I felt they had a valid point in their question.

The quick answer to the question above is because I like to spank Bobbie and she has to listen to me. There, the question was answered. Simple. Quick. I am happy and I like to think that the person asking the question would be happy with or at least complacent about the answer.

But that darn question started to play in my head over and over. Why did I pick DD over a non-kink lifestyle? What was the draw of why we ended up in a DD relationship? Why did Bobbie go along with my non-conventional lifestyle? Before I answer those questions I would like to compare the two very much alike but very different lifestyles.

As you read the difference between the two life styles please keep in mind this is a very simplistic view on this very complex relationship and I did not throw into the mix children, work, parents and other outside forces that would affect the couple’s relationship.

The Vanilla Lifestyle

You have to have at least two people to participate for this to work. This is something one person, for obvious reasons, cannot do. Both people must care very much about each other and want to see each other succeed in whatever they do.

There is communication. In the beginning both parties talk to each other informing the other what is going on in the day to day activities. This is new and exciting and you want to let your partner know what is happening. As time goes by, they may not talk to each other for days at a time. Oh they say things but mostly small talk. They probably don’t want to say something to hurt the others feelings or they just don’t want to hear it so they keep quiet.

There is love: Both love each other immensely. They care for their spouse very much but as the years go by they are comfortable with each other almost like roommates. They still care but the touching and that talking sweetly in their ear is fading. Sex happens less and less. You don’t have the time because you are involved in other things.

Order of things: It is whoever steps up to the plate at that particular moment. If there is a decision being made, no one answers to the other. They make decisions on their own not consulting the other thus starting little fights because they didn’t know what was going on. You start to do things apart not checking in to see what the plans are or if it is even ok if they do it at all.

Arguing: You argue over things that may or may not matter but what does matter is the way they fight. It doesn’t matter who is right or who is wrong. The main event in this game is who is going to win. Who has the best offense or defense to prove their case. There are lawyers out there that would be envious of the way they tear down the other person to prove that they are wrong.

Knowing each other: when you first meet your spouse you can’t get enough of your partner. You want to know everything about them. This carries into the early stages of marriage and you still want to know about your partner but as time goes by again you get comfortable with each other and that learning curve lessens till it just goes away. How many times have we heard a couple say after many years of marriage I didn’t know they didn’t like that?

The Domestic Discipline Lifestyle    

Again you have to have two people very much in love. This is something one person for obvious reasons cannot do. Both people care very much about each other and want to see each other succeed in whatever they do. But this time they are willingly going to take an active role in what the other person is doing.

There is communication. They actively try to inform one another of what is happening in and around their lives. They do this by setting a time during the week where they can talk to each other informing one other what is going on in their day to day activities. They talk about things that are affecting them in their lives in and outside of the marriage. Questions are asked and answers are given. They may not talk to each other for days at a time but when they do they set a designated time aside so that they can talk about things that are going on that their partner is unaware of it. 

There is love: Both love each other immensely. They care for their spouse very much but there is a spark that is always alive. Even in bed you want to please your partner. You want to give them your best. As they learn about each other through their communication meetings, they help each other out because they want to spend more time with each other. They know that they may be struggling in a certain area and they pitch in to help their partner and this starts a chain reaction of the couple helping each other whenever they can

Order of things: The HOH is the head of the household. He has final say in what goes on in their household. This does not mean he doesn’t take into consideration what his spouse said at all. He takes her opinion very seriously but it is his decision on which way he is going to lead his family.

Arguing: Yes it is in this lifestyle too. The difference is there is respect when talking to each other. Each one presents their case and if there is an error in the person’s judgment then there is an apology and life carries on. Most of the time the person can no longer say fine, I don’t want to talk about it because the other partner will pursue it even if they have to wait for a later time or day. 

Knowing each other: you actively pursue your partner to know them better. This happens through communication, arguing and just being together, and helping each other out because now you are vested in that person. Somehow you want to be with them more and you want to also please them. 

Correction: This may or may not be in a DD lifestyle but more than likely it is. If the tih does something that is against the rules that they had discussed beforehand then she is disciplined. Again in a fashion that was agreed upon in their talks.

So why did we pick this lifestyle instead of the vanilla lifestyle? Is it better than the other lifestyle? No of course not. Both offer a magnitude of opportunities for a couple to get closer to make their lives richer and fuller than ever before. As I see it there are only two differences between a DD and a vanilla lifestyle. 1. There is one leader; 2. There is discipline in the household. Everything else is pretty much the same.

I chose this lifestyle because it forces me to be proactive in our relationship. I have to pay attention to Bobbie on what she is doing and what she is feeling. We communicate more. We have learned to express ourselves in how we feel and what is bothering us. We can no longer pretend that we didn’t know or don’t care what happens because we now have each other to answer to.

As for the discipline, yes Bobbie gets disciplined for doing something wrong not because she is a child or that I am better than her. These are problems that she needs help on and she wants to be held accountable for her actions. So when rules or guide lines have been breached, we have agreed that she loses some personal privileges such as computer time and reading her books.

I am the HOH in our household and this title does not mean that I can lord my authority over her. My responsibility is to provide a safe, sane and happy environment for Bobbie, It also means that if there has to be a judgment call I have final say on how the family unit will move forward but I don’t take her advice lightly. We talk and talk some more before we forge forward. I want to see her succeed in whatever it is that she does and I will do whatever is in my power to make it so. I want her to smile be safe and loved.

I am the tih of our household and the reason I agreed to this type of relationship over the vanilla one is because we talk more about what is going on in my life and that he is trying to see to my needs. I also like the way he makes me feel wanted by taking care of me providing me a safe place to be. I have the peace of mind that he has my best interest in mind. Although at times we don’t see eye to eye on some things, he doesn’t just say things to keep me happy. The closeness is wonderful and we spend more time together and he helps me whenever he can. He is always asking me what I want and need. We seem to want to please each other more. I find that I can go to him with any problem and he may get angry but will never make me feel less than what I am.

As for the discipline, I agreed to it because there are things that I would like to change about myself and although he takes things away from me it is as the last resort.

The above description of the vanilla lifestyle was us and it served us very well because after all we lived in it for 30+ years before going to a DD relationship. With this relationship there were no checks and balances for us. We did our own thing and didn’t find out there was trouble until it was too late.

But now that we are in a DD relationship we are the same people as before except now there is a sense of order in what we do. But what it does do that the vanilla relationship does not do is that it forces us to actively participate with the each other. We have to pay attention to our surroundings. We now have one leader not two, we no longer work for ourselves. We work as a team keeping each other informed in the things that matter.

Friday, November 1, 2013

The Downfall of A HOH

There are many things that can go wrong in a DD relationship. One of the problems I am going to talk about is why when the HOH is riding so high in the zenith of our DD relationship we falter and our foundation starts to crack and then problems start to show up in our relationship.

When we are doing well we tend to get lax in the way we handle and see things around us. We get complacent. We are fat and happy thinking that we have it all under control. We tend to forget our responsibilities of why we were doing this in the first place. Because we are doing so well we convince ourselves that we don’t have to intervene in what our tih is doing. Saying to ourselves she knows better and she will monitor herself as needed like she has done in the past while I was watching and it is on her head if she continues to backslide. 

Sometimes when we get caught with our fingers in the cookie jar not doing what we say we are going to do, we slack off on our duties. Turning a blind eye on a problem because a game is on, too tired, or just don’t want to deal with it and the list goes on and on. Then we get upset when we are told that we are not playing by the same rules or if we are bold enough we unwisely tell them that we are not accountable to them because we didn’t bring this to them. You did so we don’t have to abide by the rules.

Another problem that can lead the HOH to DD ruins is the belief that the HOH is always the leader. What you say, did I read that right? No it is not a typo but this has two sides to it. One side is that he is the leader and it is his responsibility in whatever goes on in his realm of their DD relationship he is the captain of his ship everything that happens is laid at his feet but he is not the leader of everything.

A good leader knows his weakness and he also knows his strengths. A good leader will delegate his power and have others do it for him. An example would be if the tih is better at finances because she is a CPA than he is. Why on earth would he attempt to do it himself when the tih is more than capable of doing it for him. This does not relieve him of his leadership in fact it enhances it because he now can concentrate on other pressing projects that needs his attention.

Even when doing this he is still in control because like a CEO checking in with his subordinates in a board meeting, so will the HOH when he has their weekly communication sit downs and then at his option he can check in with the tih to make sure that everything is alright by asking to see the check book and the bank statements. He has not shrugged off his duties because he still has an active role in what the tih does.

When we see someone do something with ease, we have to remember all the hours of practice that it took them to get there and all the practice that they will still have to do to maintain that precision. It makes no difference in maintaining our DD relationship once we get to where we are happy with it. It will still take a lot of work to keep it like that because we will have to continually think of better ways of improving our relationship with our life long partner.