Tuesday, January 5, 2016

tih view

These are my thoughts on this subject and what works for us.  
I am a grown woman, not a little child, and I did not want to go into this relationship with Bob having to watch me constantly making sure I got the job done. Yes I need him to give me guidance but I do not need to be micromanaged. I also do not think it is his job to keep reminding me that something needs to be done.  After all how could I say I reached my goal with him constantly reminding m
For example:
When Bob and I first started this dynamic, we talked about wanting me to email him every day. Once we established the guidelines and made it a set rule, Bob would remind me if he did not receive an email by 10 p.m.  As we evolved and he was getting emails daily he no longer reminded me and left it up to me to remember. He now only reminds me if he knows I have had a stressful day or something was out of the norm.  Because he would know that I would forget and instead of letting me fail, he would gently remind me once to email him.  Once acknowledged then it is up to me to email him.
When we started this dynamic, and realized that we needed to change things I did not want Bob to do everything for me. I want to do this on my own. First to show him that I can do it and two because I know that if I don’t do it by myself it will mean nothing to me. It would like Bob would be making all my decisions and I would be mindlessly following him.
I do like when I get the occasional reminders because it gives me more confidence knowing that he is still paying attention. That the goals/rules that we set are still important to him and he is watching to make sure that they are accomplished
The perfect example is when Bob decided to write his post and I told him I would like to write my view. He reminded me a couple times but when he saw that I was starting to get stressed out he backed off for a day.  He said that you have until Tuesday to do it and I will be glad to help.  And the reason he offered his help is because I am a wonderful speller, grammar, and punctuation coach. But when it comes to putting my thoughts on paper or talking about them I stress.  Who would have thought that after 25 plus years of composing my own letters for work I would have a hard time?
I am happy to say that most of this is my own with a little guidance from Bob. 


  1. Hi Bobbie, wonderful post and very well said and I can definitely relate, especially about knowing he us paying attention and that your goals are important to him.

    It's wonderful to hear both of your perspectives on how ttwd works for you. Thank you both for sharing :)


    1. Your are welcome Roz!! I am so glad that I can share my thoughts with all of you. I plan to continue to share over the coming year. Who knows maybe I will take over!!!!!


  2. This is where I act so surprise that she finished the post lmao.

    It took her awhile and at first she was all stressed out about it even though she wanted to write her view. After a few false starts some poking and prodding from me she came through woooooooooo hooooooooooooooooo
    Baby I am so proud of what you did. You did me good. Well done my little tih lol


    1. Thank you my love for being so patient with me and poking here and there but knowing when to step back and let me take over.


  3. I wonder if it makes a difference on how we view things due to how we are introduced to ttwd or what stage of our lives we are in. For example while I can fully understand the micromanaging aspect of your comment, I can also see how some would need it to feel more secure. Not because they are incapable, but because they need that extra bit of attention. I remember years ago a mother of many needing that bit of micromanagement, at least at the start to help her feel seen, due to the level of EXTRA activity in their house. It wasn't so much that she couldn't do it on her own, or that she wanted to be treated like a child, it was just what she needed to SEE ttwd in her house, and that is how she did.

    Of course I would imagine if you were the taken in hand in a relationship where it was brought to you, what seems like micromanaging would seem very demeaning.

    I am with you 100 percent on the reminding me stuff~ I think. LOL. I don't mind if Barney reminds me on occasion to follow through with his wishes, yet I do get a tad ticked if I am ALWAYS doing it and he reminds me. Or WORSE if it is something I have decided I want to accomplish and he starts, 'helpfully' reminding me or makes it an expectation of his! Grrr...

    Oops...sorry, got carried away there.

    I truly do love it when things have evolved and my husband recognizes it and changes accordingly, like Bob with your email expectation. To me that signals success, at least for us. In ya know, ONE area!

    Great to hear from you Bobbie!

    1. Glad that I have can finally pull it together to babble away.

      I love to hear the ways this dynamic works for each couple.

      Bobbie. :0)

  4. I love your perspective bobbie. I agree with that micromanaging stuff, it would drive me crazy LOL. I think it is wonderful how Bob patiently waited and you both have grown closer in your relationship. I also need occasional reminders & when I do receive them it helps me to realize those things are important to him also.
    I love your post!

    1. Thank you honey. Yes our relationship has grown in leaps and bounds. Not that we never loved each other, that has always been there, but the longer we are in this dynamic the closer, more caring and more giving we become.

      It is like being reborn.