Friday, July 26, 2013

Walter




Almost three years ago, we asked Bobbies dad Walter to move in with us because he is at that age where he could no longer take care of him self, the things we take for granted walking, reaching out for objects that we want, even seeing, all these things are now nearly imposable or very difficult for Walter to do.

Walter has taught me a lot about being a man, being honest, how to earn and give respect to others. He didn’t give me books or impart vast amounts of knowledge to me, he taught me all this by living it every day of his life with his beloved wife. Even after my mother in law is gone now, he still teaches me to this day how to be a man for this I am eternally grateful. Before I tell my story, I want to say that I wouldn’t have given any thing up nor done it differently since he has come to live with us I truly do love the man and have the highest respect for him.

Before the days of Walter we had the full run of the house, if we wanted to go into the bedroom grab a few spanking tools along the way and have a spank fest we did it, sometimes we didn’t come out of our cave for hours. If we were in the kitchen or other parts of the house and Bobbie happened to bend over to pick something up she got a swat for her troubles because who could reset seeing such a beautiful target like that and not wanting to slap it once, twice, three...

There are times when Walter just drives me nuts with his mannerisms, he has to set his silverware in just the right order, he has to have 3 napkins around him when he eats, he even has to have his bread for breakfast cut in a certain manor and to sit there watching this unfold is madding. He is the only one that I know of that can crunch soggy cearal when eating it, Walters reach is severely limited he cannot reach any thing past the edge of the table and the poor guy cannot cut his own meat any more.

That is not my real beef with the man, he can eat, crunch his food like a horse, watch any TV program he wants even Turner Classic Movies that don’t bother me well yes it does but I can live in peace with that. The thing that ticks me off is that he is there, never goes away and he has taken my “US” time away and when you take our “US” time away then I have issues about that that is because I am not a happy camper nor is Bobbie very happy about it either.

It used to be we could give him a quarter to go to the local party store 3 blocks down to buy some bubble gum and have a couple of hours to ourselves but we can’t do that now because we would have to send out the search party looking for him. He now strays from the path to the party store because since we decked out his walker he has become a chick magnet. His new hobby is picking up chicks as he says it now, we have caught him with a lady friend sitting on his walker leaning against each other sleeping because they both got too tired to go any further to the party store. So now, when he goes to the party store we have to chaperone him and his lady friends to make sure they don’t get distracted while going to the store.

As some of you can attest, living with our parents can be challenging at times while trying to balance your own relationship with your spouse. So the question of the day is how do you maintain you’re dynamic with your spouse while taking care of our elderly parents in the same house?

Some of our problems that are cropping up are Bobbie is getting more snarky, she gets mad at her dad because of what he has said or done to her and then she snaps at me. Tending to his needs has taken alot time away from us and at times, it seems like we are starting to drift apart.

She is starting to get into her I can do it mode where she doesn’t want any help because she figures that it is her dad and her responsibility to take care of him and doesn’t want to burden anyone else in helping out. We are limited to how long we can go out and leave him alone. Now it takes the two of us to take him anywhere because he needs help to get into the van.

The things we are doing are; we disappear more for an hour at a time either when he watching TV or taking his shower. We sit outside more if we need to talk. We have learned to txt message each other through the phone this seems to be working out great because now I have a way to tell her to cool her jets. We have put a new meaning to date night we going to secluded locations to get some spanking in, Bobbie feels like a teenager again parking and doing thing that we did many years ago.

Our latest indever is that we are attempting to soundproof our bathroom so we can have some us time without him hearing Bobbie yelling “ouch, dam you that hurts, not so hard” and then…. WEG, we bought some sound deadening foam, it looks like egg crates and put it in between the studs and it seems to work so we have to buy some more to finish off the rest of the walls

For those of you that have elderly parents living with you what do you do to get away so you can have some time alone?



Bob

22 comments:

  1. Bob, all I can say is God bless you! It takes a real man to take in his in-laws with little resentment. Brice also welcomed my parents into our home when they were in need. My Dad insisted on an assisted living shortly after it was clear they could not stay in their home, but after his death my Mom, with her hair rollers in hand asked when we were going home (to my house lol) and she did. I am what they call a sandwich child. I still had young children while taking care of my Mom. It is the hardest thing I have ever done! Yes, she was much like another child, however it was much harder. A child you are watching grow, thrive, learn, etc... Your elderly parent you are watching grow weaker, forget more, basically witnessing their demise. It takes a toll on you like nothing else. I believe one of the best defenses is realizing how hard it really is. Accept help! There are resources available. Use them! You have to! Didn't mean to get on a soap box, but until you have lived this you cannot understand. I will email you a list of ideas that helped us. Talk to you soon.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dearest Bob and Bobbie,

    You are such wonderful friends I think what you are doing is great. Let us know if we can help in any way.. We are here for you guys...

    Love.. DC and Alice

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello CDC

      Thank you for the offer of help. We are finding ways to get away but we will keep you in mind if ever we need help in the near future

      Bob

      Delete
  3. No words of wisdom, bug HUGS...and you are doing the right thing. Dad is a very lucky man to be with the two of you....and you seem to be getting creative in finding some 'us' time. Is there anyone who could 'dad sit' for a bit while the two of you get a room??
    hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi abby

      We have done that and got a room WEG but now all my nephews and nesses work so that door right now has ben closed
      But we are looking into other options that might work out

      Bob

      Delete
  4. I didn't come out to Nick until after my parents passed away. Even though they didn't live with us I was overwhelmed caring for them, making life and death decisions for them right before. I think it would have been impossible for me to have felt submissive during that time in my life. So it seems Bobbie is doing better than me all ready. Glad you're going with the sound proofing. I think you're a great guy for seeing this as a problem that the two of you share, not HER problem that she better fix.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi PK

      I love the man dearly and will take care of him as long as we can but there are times when is right there in your face type thing.
      We are having good luck with the soundproofing the bathroom in the building when we have it completed there just might be a story there LOL.

      Bob

      Delete
  5. Hey Bob,

    I'm sorry I don't have any words of wisdom. I think it's wonderful that you have taken him into your home and taken on his care. Maybe you can look into whether you can get some respite care every now and then to give you two some time. It sounds as though you are doing well in finding creative ways to work around the situation.

    Hugs,
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Roz

      Thank you for writing some how and I don't understand this, just reading these letters is soothing it gives us hope maybe because I have talked about it or it could be that I read you all care?

      Bob

      Delete
  6. One hundred hugs to you, Bob. It's so kind of you to take care of Walter. No, it is not easy to have someone constantly at home. It's like having a child at home. I know, it's not easy.

    I think that you should create daily routines. T akeWalter usually nap at afternoon ? Or agree that every afternoon you make your U.S. time and Walter is watching TV. a good movie usually take 120 minutes .. lol .. I know, believe me.

    So my advice is to create routines that you follow every day, so that Walter also kanlära them. Is not there some day centers for the elderly in your neighborhood, where you were going to leave him one morning in the week? Church, no activities there for old?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Greetings Mona

      Mona you keep being nice to me I am going to expect it all the time LOL. I take your 100 hugs gladly.
      We do hide when he watches TV and when he is showering but the house is small and his hearing is super so he hears every thing that goes on in the house. But on the plus side is that we talk a bunch and we are honing our communications skills.

      Bob

      Delete
  7. Two words - respite care. Most local communities offer a service where you can either have someone in your home to stay with him if you need. Or when my grandmother was caring for her mom, she would take her to an adult daycare at times. It is good for them to interact with others and good for you to have space. Caregiving is rewarding, but hard any way you look at it and most people from parents to adult children do not begrudge any caregiver a respite.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Kitty

      We are looking into a daycare service for him and I will look into respite care I don't know what it is but I will after I get done writing this.

      Bob

      Delete
  8. Hey Bob, I do not have any elderly parents living with me, but I do have friends that do. And even though I don't know or not if they spank, I do know they have put up a system to help them get their alone time.

    I know one thing they do is literally have a babysitter to take the parent out 1-2 times a week for at least 2 hours one time and 4 hours another time so that they can get some alone time. There are also usually community events for seniors where you can take Walter and he will be supervised for an hour. Some places host bingo, wii bowling, scrabble games, and so on.

    That is all I can remember them talking about right now. I think soundproofing is a wonderful idea. :) And hope you'll get some good ideas, and maybe you already have, didn't get a chance to read the other comments. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Es May

      Thank you for responding and giving us some more ideas on how to get some private time back.

      Bob

      Delete
  9. Bob, I don't have experience with caring for parents but I do have quite a bit of caregiving experience. The first thing they tell you when you start out, is that you have to take care of yourself in order to do a good job as a caregiver. I believe Roz and Kitty are right, respite care is in order. It's one thing to try and do it all yourself for a short period of time but it doesn't sound like he is rehabbing. Don't try to sprint through a marathon you can't do it. It's best for you guys and it's best for him. You can't be your best at caring for him when stressed and tired.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Sharon

      that is so true we have been running for 3 yrs now and we are starting to snip at each other, so we are searching out ways to get US time back. Thank you for your advice

      Bob

      Delete
  10. I dint have any wisdom to share with you, sorry. You did remind me of the last time I was with my grandad, setting him up in an apartment 11 hours away from me in the section of NY he spent the majority of his life in. He had cancer, refused treatment, insisting that people in their 80's didn't need it. So much was the same as you're saying, all the peculiarities of a soul who'd been on this earth a very long time yet with the insistent drive to chase down "lady friends" as he called them. I heard he spent his last night out dancing with one of them and she was with him through the night ;-) Its a really tough road that you're on right now but the memories are priceless. May us all have one as kind as you are to Walter!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello chickadee

      Yes my Walter is special to us no matter what I say about him.
      Finding us time is hard am surprised at some of the things we have come up with.
      .
      Thank you for sharing your story about your grandfather it was wonderful.

      Bob

      Delete
  11. We are trying to figure this out ourselves. I am happy we are able to care for my husbands mother, and would never make her feel unwelcome. However between the teens and the MIL...I am like Bobbie-I certainly am having those snarky moments. Let me know about the sound proofing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Morning minelle

      Yes our live in parents are taking at times but well worth it.
      We will be done soundproofing the bathroom this week I will let you know how it works out.

      Bob

      Delete
  12. I don't have any advice or anything like that, but I just want to say you and bobbie are both great people for being so caring to him! :)

    ReplyDelete