Friday, July 5, 2013

Male Support


One thing that I think that makes this DD lifestyle so great is the support network that is available to the community. Whenever a sub/tih has a problem she has access to many different types of support groups from web pages of other likeminded people waiting to help their fellow sisters figure out her problems. There are blogs that talk about their problems and friends that she made along the way that she can either call, email, pm even Skype to talk about what is on their minds. To brain storm what is going on in their relationship and how to figure out their problems.

On the other hand the HOH/Dom by his own design has no such support group. If he is lucky enough to have a male friend that he is close to in this lifestyle he could choose to talk to him and most of the time he chooses to goes it alone.

Why is it that women have this huge choice of support groups and the men have hardly any support group to refer to? My theory is that women are a social group. They like to be in contact with other people and easily express their hopes, dreams, and etc. I would also say it is possibly the mother instinct in them that wants to care and nurture the person they care about, to make them happy in whatever was making them sad.

On the opposite end of the scale the men are loners, predators, territorial creatures protecting what is theirs. He is skeptical. Ever watchful of the next male coming into his territory to make sure what is his stays his. As he grew up, he was taught that talking about his problems is a sign of weakness that can be used against him or even lower his status in the group he runs with. 

The options for the male are slim. He could start researching the internet looking for answers to his problems and this is a good resource but time consuming. He can start a blog and talk through his problems that way and remain anonymous with very few people knowing who he is with some hope to get good feedback so he can get ideas on what to do. (This has turned out to be an invaluable asset for me because you have greeted me with open arms taking me at face value that I was sincere. For this you have my highest respect, and you have helped me with your comments more than you will ever know.)

He could go into a chat room asking questions without knowing if the person he talking to is real or not or, his best bet is if he has someone who he looks up to, his equal or a mentor perhaps? He could talk to him asking for advice and trusting him not to be judged but still seen as an equal trying to solve his problem.

Until we can start opening up and trusting some people making close friends that could possibly be part of our support group, we men will continue to be loners scratching our heads trying to solve problems that might have been solved already by someone else.

 

 

 

 

 

21 comments:

  1. You need to speak to Mick of mick and Lyndas blog. They have just gone private so if you leave an email address I will pass it on. He knows loads and is the male voice of wisdom here in blogland. Also Lillie's Ian is a scary dude and he will give advice
    love Jan.xx

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    1. LOL Jan. Ian is NOT scary! He's a big old teddy bear. Okay well I'm not Lillie...but pretty sure if he was scary, she wouldn't have brought ttwd to him. LOL

      It took me a long time at the beginning of this adventure to realize, well actually let it sink in, women need to TALK about their feelings to process them. To iron them out. They need sounding boards. All of that I already knew, but men, the majority of them, they internalize to figure things out. Talk with men revolves around politics, sports, world events. It doesn't revolve our self. TTWD is a challenge when it comes to this. But I believe that is why you find very few male bloggers, and even fewer that are willing to open up about themselves,(thank you for being one of the open ones btw).

      Have a Great Weekend!
      willie

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    2. Hi Wilma

      well spoken and thank you for your kind words

      Bob

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    3. Hello Rose

      Here is my email and thank you
      bobhoh9@gmail.com

      Bob

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  2. Great post Bob, I think you've described the differences between men and woman well. We women are social and find it so much easier than men do to share our hopes, desires, thoughts and feelings with others. Men, on the other hand are much more guarded.

    I think It's a great shame because the Men therefore don't benefit from the level of support and friendship as we do.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz
      Maybe some day we will emulate the type of support group you gals have

      Bob

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  3. I think men, by and large, ARE loners, as you say. Women are more likely to form friendships and talk things out...men are more likely to go into their caves to sort things out.

    Some online forums have sections just for Hoh's...frankly, the mere thought scares me. lol

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    1. Hello JG

      LOL JG and I go o a couple of fine forums and gotten some advice


      Bob

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  4. You know, Bob, that you can always talk to me. You know that I have all answers. But I'm not sure that you will like these answers .... lol.

    Ok, back to seriousness.

    I understand that it can be difficult to find a mentor. I feel like Mick of Mick and Lyndas blog could be able to help you with much.
    In the meantime, do the best you can. Write here your good and not good deeds, so we can give you support, or not ... lol.

    Many greetings to Boobie. I miss her. Where are you hiding her?

    Hugs,
    Mona Lisa

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    1. Mona you gals have given me a lot of support and have consoled me already.
      You gals are assume.

      Bob

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  5. I LOVE my support group!!! I am so happy I have them, in good & bad times.
    Honey

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    1. Hi Ashley

      Yes I have seen you support group in action :)

      Bob

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  6. We do have a great group here. I do wish there was a system set up that was easier for men to share on here, they don't always get to share often, and if they don't know blogland, can be hard to find the pearls, but it would be awesome if something could be set up for those men to get the info they needed, and quickly. All the while learning of others' opinions and support system along the way.

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    1. Hi Es May

      Well there would be a great support group for men if they would just get together to talk but until then it will just be a dream

      Bob

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  7. I think, Bob, that not only are men disinclined to share, but they are very much more careful and don't take chances like women do. Starman still refuses to have anything to do with blogging and is extremely watchful of me. He develops full on protection mode the minute he sees me sitting commenting on blogs, and to be honest, I appreciate that he is protective. And whilst he is happy for me to read advice offered by other husbands such as Ian, Mick and Ward, he prefers to quietly think about things and then come up with his own strategies. It is his opinion that noone knows me as well as he does, and he is therefore not as flexible as I would perhaps like, when it comes to asking others for advice.

    On the other hand, if I did not have my "guidance" network, I would have floundered long ago. Knowing there are others out there with exactly the same challenges, problems and perplexities is an amazing feeling, and I am very thankful for everyone's help and advice, even if I do not always agree with or follow it.

    Many hugs

    Ami

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    1. Hi Ami

      Men are definitely loners and will always will be from what I have seen

      Bob

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  8. Speaking for myself, I know I am blessed to have made the friends here that I have. I am by nature a very guarded person but without the help of some special people, yourself and Bobbie included, I'm not sure i could have stayed the course in TTWD. As for Alec, I know your friendship and guidance have meant the world to him.
    Thank you for being my friend and sharing your journey with us!
    (Hugs) Cat

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    1. Hello Cat

      Thank you Cat you and Alec have helped me through some tough times
      It is an honor to call you friends

      Bob

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  9. My husband only uses the computer for two things: a word processor and spider solitaire. Now that he has fell in love with Sudoku, and he uses a book for that, then it is rare for him to get on it. I have to print anything that I thought he might be helped by. I appreciate the men, who take the time to blog on ttwd. It helps so much to get a male's perspective. I can certainly see where a man, who does use the computer, would benefit. Now that we no longer have, Bas, we are now short another valuable male blogger. I don't know how to email and ask for an invite on Mick and Linda's place. When I click on Mick's blog, it just tells me it's private, and I haven't been invited. I type all these words (you know ladies have to use a certain number of words a day.. it's 11:56pm) to let you know that I appreciate you for continuing to blog, and for keeping your blog open. God bless you and yours, Belle L.

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    1. Thank you Belle, I have enjoyed writing more than I thought I was, by writing I can sometimes see the way to the other side of the forest and with your girls help you have taken my hand and showed me the rest of the way through the forest.

      Bob

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