Tuesday, April 30, 2013

A Letter

Hello there.


My name is not important, but what is important is that you have somehow gotten your hands on this paper and are reading it. This is a good thing because you are now curious on what this letter has to say and now that I have your attention sit back and relax, I want to let you on a well-known little secret that most of us guys do not like to think about.


Still here? Good. Either your wife has already talked to you about wanting to start a DD relationship or she has told you that she wants you to spank her. Now before you toss this out please take the time to finish reading this letter.


As you read this letter, you probably will do one of three things.

(1) You can go back to what you were doing and say nothing about it.

(2) You will be able to look your wife in the eyes, say that you have read it, and say no.

(3) If you say yes, you will have opened a wonderful door that your wife and you can explore together.


This is going to be your decision either way.


So let us assume that your wife came to you and she tells you that she wants a DD relationship. She bares her soul and tells you her most intimate secret thoughts of what she wants, and this friend is no easy task to do. She tells you how she wants to be more than just friends, to co-exist with each other. She wants intimacy, she has things that she wants to change about herself, she has bared her soul so you will know her better. She wants to give you the greatest gift that she can possibly give. Do you understand what you just read? She wants to give herself to you not just bits and pieces but all of her the whole package.


That’s some heady stuff is it not? She is willing to be compliant, to follow your lead, and work towards a better intimate relationship for the two of you.


So now she said she wants you to be the head of the household (HOH), the man in charge. Have you really given it a thought? What could happen if you said yes to what your wife wants of you and what this can do for your marriage? Like most of us men, if it does not look or sound good and it is not easy we will not do it, especially if it’s out of our comfort zone.


So, now you’re starting to like what you have read so far, but your thinking what exactly do I have to do. I cannot spank my wife, I don’t want to hurt her or she is an adult and why can’t she act like one.


First thing you should do is talk to your wife and really listen to what she is telling you, she will explain it all to you. Ask her questions ponder on what she is saying maul it over and sleep on it then go back and talk some more. Do not rush into this. You’re going to need time to do some research on exactly what a HOH does and if you demand nicely your wife will point you in the direction to go.


Now we come to part of why you have to spank your wife. This is very important to your wife because this is a release mechanism for your wife to let out stress, to forgive herself of what ever it is that she has done like being mean, snippy maybe even spent too much money. The reasons are endless and in some cases it even excites her. Talk to her to find out where her head is in all of this. No one but she can tell you how she feels when being spanked. This is going to help you wrap your mind around why you must spank your wife.


You now have an understanding of what your wife is asking and why and you have agreed to become her HOH. Now we come to the part of spanking her but are afraid of hurting her because frankly you don’t know how hard is hard and you don’t want to spank her into next week and her screaming bloody murder.


Practice, practice and practice some more your spanking skills and you know what? I bet there is someone really close to you that will happily volunteer to be your test subject I bet she is jumping up and down and waving her hands around saying “pick me, pick me”. J


I have a couple of suggestions for you. Take her over your knees and start to spank her slowly not hard and as you continue to spank her slowly pick up the intensity of the spanks to her butt. When you start to get a reaction from her you will have an idea of how hard to spank her.


Before spanking her, pick a safe word for her to say if the spanking is too much for her. If she says her safe word you stop immediately and talk about what happened and then continue if the both of you agree to do so.


By doing this you will have some idea how hard to spank her. You will learn her body language when spanked hard. You will notice that she will be happier, easier to live with, relaxed and most importantly you will find out that she will not break when being spanked.
 

Here are a few things you can try to flex your HOH muscles and to get your confidence up.

 
1. Ask her to tell you something she has learned about DD and are curious to try with them.

 
2. Discuss with her things that you find you find interesting and ask her how you can do to apply x,y and z to your marriage.

 
3. Tell her to share with you a struggle that she is having with her submission and make suggestions on how to help her overcome those obstacles and get input if they will help.

 
4. Tell them to bring you their favorite (or least favorite) implement and use that as you learn how to spank them.

 
5. Set aside time to talk about your concerns with the relationship, or new needs/wants that have come to the surface.

 
6. Suggest adding a small ritual that you do together every day to reconnect. It can be as simple as greeting each other when you both get home from work.

 
The most important thing that I can impart to you is to have fun exploring this with your wife. Learn about her wants and needs, cherish her and communicate. Keep those lines open and keep an open mind because this will constantly change.


Bob

46 comments:

  1. This is wonderful Bob. Such brilliant advice and well, clearly written. I couldn't agree more. Practice and communicate.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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  2. Thank you Roz
    I hope it helps the ones who are thinking about becoming theHOH or at least it will give them an idea of what their wivesARr thinking.

    Bob

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  3. This is really good. I wonder how many women may print this off and leave it where their husband will easily find it; maybe even in the lunch pail.

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    1. Hello Jacquie thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment
      Well I am hoping that if they do read this that they will at teast talk to their spouses and learn and understand them a bit more and with a little luck jump int the DD waters and give it a try.

      Bob

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  4. I am willing to bet his post gets the award for being shared the most! Terrific job of clear writing.
    From a former english teacher you get an A++++!
    hugs abby

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    1. Wow, I am hanging this on on the wall, LOL I never got an a in English before, wait till Bobbie sees this :)

      I am just hoping it helps people understand what is going on with their wives.

      Bob

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  5. Bob, this is absolutely wonderful. And hearing it from a guy too, what a great way to give the wives out there that are worried about talking to their husbands some information to hand to them during their talk. :) It is all so true, and has to much in it that is so important. Thank you SOOO much for sharing!

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  6. I am flattered that this post has been well received and that you think that the future HOH's should read it.


    Bob

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  7. Thank you so much for writing this from a "seasoned" HOH's pov. It's clearly & tenderly communicated. It's only been 10 days since I approached my husband, and while our talk went well, he still has lots of questions. I will be sending him this link. :)

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  8. Welcome to my blog Daydreamer.

    Lots of luck in showing him this letter and hope all woks ok for you

    Bob

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    1. Update: it worked beautifully - great beginning for us - thank you again!

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    2. I am ecstatic that worked out so well for you. Now I can say this blog has been well worth it for me to write because I was able to in a small way help the two of you in your walk in your DD relationship wwoooooooooo hhhoooooooooooo

      Bob

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    3. Oh, Bob, I am happy for you. CONGRATS!

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    4. Thank you Mona I am so happy for them

      Bob

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  9. Practice, practice and practice some more spanking your skills and you know what? I bet there is someone really close to you thatwill happily volunteer to be your test subject, I bet she is jumping up and down and waving her hands around saying "pick me, pick me." "

    Sorry, Bob, but this can only be written by an HOH: lol .. Using poor women to learn how to swing with the hand ... tsk.tsk ...

    I would rather have something more HOH centered. A training course for HOhs where they will learn how the hand and all the other "tools" feels on their own naked butts.
    For real.

    Shall we see how it goes?

    Jim will spank Clint, Jared will just grin at all "auch" cry .. because he already knows what the others do not. How it feels. Bob will be busy collecting all the instruments and place them in order.
    Ogry ... he gets his own special treatment. Everyone will spank Ogry with all instruments every day occurs during the entire course. Every day.

    Wait a HOH missing .... Oh yes .. Base .. where we have Bas?
    Of course, he stands there and he inspects everything and everyone with his sharp mind. Everything is printed into his head .. he does not even need pen and pad. And the day after, we will be able to read about what happened to every HOH with different toys ... sorry tools.
    All statistics will be documented, all calculations of angles and speed, and everyone's "auch" will be calculated and displayed in graphs for each HOH.
    This is what I call learning ...

    BOB So, what do you think, is not this better than making use of poor women's butts?:::))))))

    Hugs,

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    1. Mona, Mona, Mona your are something else I can see a lot of thought has gone into your reply and I appreciate your kind suggestions that you have written and being a good HOH that I am (if there is any doubts ask Bobbie she will vouch for me or get spanked WEG) I have to point out your flaw in your thinking.
      Just think of this if you will and you may ask any HOH what they would rather prefer while learning how to spank, Would they rather have a hairy naked male butt across their lap getting spanked or would they like to have a nice smooth heart shape female butt over their lap?
      I think if you asked any HOH you would get a unanimous nod, yell, and oh hell yes for the females butt every time. Plus I hear rumors that men don't give as good instructions as you women do.
      Mona I love your bantering this has made my day

      Bob

      P.S. Ask Bas that question and listen to his answer while you are otk looking a dust bunnies on the floor LOL

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    2. ROFLMBO - Absolutely wonderful idea Mona!!!!!

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  10. Another post destined for the printer Bob. You put some real thought and effort into this and I just know it's going to be so useful to at least get some conversations started. I know in the very beginning I needed all the help I could get in trying to help my guy understand just what I was asking for. To see the POV from another guy who did say yes when their wife brought DD to them, or even better, from one who started this lifestyle themselves, carries a lot of weight. You're a sweetheart for posting this and trying to help all those struggling to bring DD into their lives, or having trouble carrying out a spanking. I like your advice to practice, practice, practice! The mental image I got of all those wives *volunteering* made me laugh.

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    1. Good to hear from you Queenie
      Thank you for thinking it is good enough to use as a teaching tool. It true if the men would step up there would be a lot of wives that would volunteer their time and services to teach there future HOH's how to spank and then when the perfect their skills the same women saying "What the heck was I thinking" and then the witch hunt will begin to ban me form blogland. ROTFL

      Bob

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    2. Really, it is kind of a dilemma. We want you guys to know what you're doing, but on the other hand, we don't want you to get TOO good at it! (Or too bad, however you look at it!) Maybe you should post a disclaimer, lol.

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    3. I don't think that we will ever get to good at the trade we have LOL

      Bob

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  11. Hiya Bob & Bobbie,
    When I read a new HoHs post that shares a process including patience, research, experimentation and scheduled Sit Down style discussions as a part of their plan... it truly makes me want to cheer!
    Wonderful post Bob. I so enjoy reading another HoHs POV!
    Kudos to you my friend!
    MrBBSpanker

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    1. Thank you MRBB for the kind words

      Bob

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  12. Hey Bob...excellent post...well-written and very good advice.

    BTW...If you don't want to accept Mona's advice, might want to practice on pillows. ;)

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Thank you Cat much appreciated

      Bob

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  13. This is clearly a well thought out post Bob!
    In spite of all of our banter and teasing, I really do value your thoughts and opinions. (Well, except for the parts about the ping pong paddle, the "rose" ...) I appreciate the importance you put of DD being a process of change and growth. The learning part and communication should never end but an integral part of the journey.
    As wives we do want to be loved and cherished and at times reminded of the goals and expectations we set forth for our relationship as well as ourselves. Having a partner who cares enough to show the value he places on these things is a blessing indeed!
    Hugs to you & Bobbie!
    Cat

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    1. Thank you Catrinka that is the best complement you could have given me

      See you later friend

      Bob

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  14. Thank you so much for your time and thoughtfulness to write this. I am going to ask my husband to read this tonight. I have a feeling that this will help him, and let him know what he is feeling is OK.
    Loving thoughts to you and your wife.

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    1. Thank you CDC and I truly hope that it helps hin in what he is looking for

      Bob

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  15. A great HoH perspective- I'm sure it will be helpful to others! Your advice to start slow is right on, in my opinion, and will result in more lasting changes. Thanks for sharing this! :)

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    1. Thank you Kim become one of the slowskie's

      Bob

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  16. This is great no matter what type of TTWD you practice. Start slow, listen and practice!

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    1. Thank you Minelle for your kind words

      Bob

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  17. Im betting big time on lotsssss of women pointing husbands in the direction of your blog for articles and posts just like this one .

    You really give some awesome advice, thanks for sharing :)

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    1. Thank you Kenzie
      I hope this will help some struggling HOH find his way in his DD walk

      Bob

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  18. Hi Bob,

    DC had me read the letter to him. He liked it, tonight did not go as planned on my part. Would love to share with you and Bobbie, but not sure where is the correct place to do so.
    Thank you….
    CDC

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    1. Awww CDC..Sorry last night didn't go well for you. Your "family" is rooting for you! Hugs!! Catrinka
      ...Bob...be a good bro, uncle here!

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    2. Oh CDC I am so sorry it didn't work out the way you planed I have put an email address "by About Me" so if you need to email me you can do it through there.
      Don't give up it is just a little setback.

      Bob

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  19. Hi Bob! I love reading HOH perspective, and love to share what you write with my husband. This post provoked some conversation between us about him trusting how hard to spank and if he trusted himself in his ability to give effective spanking. It for sure is a learning process, and it's posts like this one that helps all of us. Bobbie is very lucky!!

    -Marie

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    1. Oh thank you Marie. As for Bobbie thinking she is so luck... she might differ with you when she is in hot water. LOL
      I am so glad the this letter was able to open conversation between the two of you and I hope your journey is a smooth one.

      Bob

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  20. Bob this letter is wonderful, I'm so glad I didn't miss it!
    I hope to use it one day...
    :)
    Viola

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  21. Thanks Vola I hope it helps you when you need it

    Bob

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  22. Bob, this is really good. I hope you will continue to share. I just wish your letter was out there when I needed it years ago. It would've made a lot of difference, believe me.

    Joannie

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  23. Joannie as always you are just to good to me.

    I think it is time it shows up on your forum

    Bob

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