Friday, August 16, 2013

Thoughts From A HOH




Lisa Lynn: my husband and I work together (in tight quarters) as we are over the road truck drivers..well he drives and I due to medical issues can't work/drive so I navigate and help in any way I can. my question is do you ever get overwhelmed being the HOH? Though we have been married 12 wonderful years we are really new to this part of our relationship and we love it. Have never had this peace and closeness. I just worry that being with me 24/7 doesn't he need an off switch so to speak. he says he loves his new role and I really believe he does but I put myself in his shoes and I would be soo incredibly overwhelmed. could you give us ladies possibly some insight into the male psyche of being the HOH/disciplinarian/dom...I agree with Wilma and Queenie as well, I love hearing about the dynamics of others relationships and have learned a lot. Thank-you

Well Lisa Lynn and all those who really want to sneak a quick look into the psyche of a HOH

I can honestly say I have never gotten overwhelmed with being a HOH for the 4 + years that we have been doing DD. That being said, I have been confused because there are days when I honestly haven’t a clue on what to do. I know that us HOH’s are always supposed to have an idea of what we want and where we are headed but, as much as I hate to say this, there are days that my compass is off and I lose direction of where we are headed. On those days, I get very quiet and I go into my analytical cave and ponder on what it is that is off. Sometimes I can pinpoint it right away and other times it will take me days to realize what went wrong and then I can either go back to where the mistake was made or I can change direction from that point on to go in the direction that we should be going.

Hurt, yes under the tough paper armor we wear, we hurt just as much as you girls do. We just tend to hide it better than you do. The person that is most capable of hurting me is the one I love the most. Bobbie with a single gesture or word can slice me like no other. I hurt when I have to discipline Bobbie either by a spanking or by taking something away from her because I am the one causing the pain and discomfort although I do it for the good of US

Scared, When I make a big decision be it finances or an unknown direction that I think our family should follow because the risks are huge and it can be costly if the wrong move was made. So I sit up at night and think about it and pray that it turns out ok.

Worried, I worry when something goes wrong and I don’t know what the outcome will be or when I have no control over a situation and we are forced to go along for the ride.

Angry, When Bobbie does something that I think is reckless or dangerous I get angry at myself. First, because I feel it was my fault for not explaining myself clearly enough or that I have not provided a safety net to protect her. After we have talked about what has happened, and I find that I did everything that I could then my anger is towards her.

Rewarded, I am rewarded almost on a daily bases because when there is peace in our little universe I know I have done my job in protecting and leading my family through the not so smooth roads of life. To see the content look on Bobbie’s face and in her actions what greater joy can one have than that.

Surprised, this one gets me every time because I never expect it. It always has a way of sneaking up on me. There are days that I really don’t think Bobbie is listening to me or that her whole purpose in life is to make me miserable. Then all of a sudden unexpectedly she will say or do something that shows me that she has been listening to me, those precious times can get me to smile from ear to ear.

Happy, I am at my happiest when I know I have done a good job in providing for my family and meeting Bobbie's needs that tells me that there is smooth sailing ahead, in other words, when Bobbie is happy me the HOH is happy.

So the big question of the day is why do it? If it takes a lot of time and energy, the marriage is well with no internal battles going on, and everything is clear over the horizon then why bother?

Well I think it is a simple answer and it is because I like it, I like the control, I like the challenge, it gives me a purpose. It makes me proud when it all comes together even for a short while. The other important thing that I like about being the HOH is the look on Bobbie's face to see the contentment, the safe haven that we have built. We are a team now like the Dynamic Duo no longer fighting by ourselves.

The thing that I dislike about it is that I have to be the heavy to police the rules and when they are broken I have to be the disciplinarian. That, in itself is not bad because that comes with the territory of being a HOH. What I don’t like is causing pain to the one I love the most and that is Bobbie. To see the hurt look on her face after spanking or taking things away from her, at times it seems to hurt me almost as much as it hurts her.


Bob

12 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Hello Wilma

      Thanks for stopping bye to read it

      Bob

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  2. Very nice post, Bob.

    Now you know what you like and what you dislike.
    Keep what you like and stop doing what you dislike.
    Does not that sound simple?
    And then you will live happily ever after ..

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    Replies
    1. Hello Mona

      Oh mona if only it was that simple because if I stop what I dislike Bobbie would terrorize the neighborhood and then I would really have problems then LOL

      Bob

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  3. Thank-you Bob for answering that so eloquently. I read it aloud to my husband as we are driving down the road and it brought up great conversation about feelings and all that. he is a typical man so isn't always in touch with his feelings so this gave me great insight which i'm so thankful to you for. hope you and bobbie are doing well.

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    1. Hi Lisa

      I would of loved to be a fly on the window listening to that conversation about my thoughts lol.
      I hope it caused a good conversation with your husband and for him to express himself to you so you know him better.

      Bob

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  4. Bob, It always astounds me the depth of your heart within your writing.
    This post shows me a very human, very caring man who takes his role and responsibility as Hoh and Husband very seriously. It shows me a very tender-hearted person who strives every day to make sure the one that means the most to him, his beloved TiH, Bobbie, is cared for and happy. This, along with having to deal with so many every day concerns is indeed a very heavy burden and task. As a slightly immature TiH I often don't pause to see the entire "human" picture of TTWD. There is so much responsibility other than keeping the little TiH on the straight and narrow, and oftentimes I totally neglect to appreciate this. My HoH handles everything tirelessly with never a complaint, which I imagine you do as well. I am glad you have caused me to once again open my eyes, and appreciate the entire effort given by my man, who is handling so much more than I fully appreciate, and does not need to have me adding any additional stress in his life; although, everything he does to and for me is totally through the eyes of love.

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    Replies
    1. Hello Pippi

      Wow this is going to be one of those times I am going to be speechless. I don't know what to say other than thank you very much for the very kind words that you wrote about me.

      Bob

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  5. Hi Bob,

    Thank you so much for being so open and sharing your thoughts with us. I agree with Pippi, this shows a very caring and loving HoH who takes his role seriously. You love for Bobbie shines through this post.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    Replies
    1. Hello Roz

      I am really blown away by all of this because I didn't think I explained myself that well
      that shows you how much I know doesn't it LOL

      Bob

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  6. Hi Bob, :)

    Yes I agree with everyone here, your great love for Bobbie shines through. You HoHs have quite a job that you do and I'm sure that it can weigh heavily on your hearts at times! Bobbie is a lucky girl and you a lucky guy!

    Thank you for the insightful view into your mind. These things are important for us ladies to understand. It is easy to forget and take for granted all the efforts that you men make to keep us happy. It's a good reminder of how much we are loved in so many ways, subtle and not that at the same time. Great talking points as well, as Pippi pointed out! Thank you, Bob! Hugs to you,

    <3 Katie

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    Replies
    1. Hello Katie

      Again all I can say is thank you Katie and every one else for writing such wonderful things about me.

      bob

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