Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Questions From Mona Lisa and Queenie


Mona Lisa: Why have you introduced discipline spanking into your relationship?
Why DD and not D / s, or congeniality therapy that does not hurt Bobbies butt...

I was just going to answer Mona's question and move on but the more I was writing about why I was using discipline spanking this post started to take on a form of its own because I was raising more questions as I was trying to explain myself and I started to think why did I incorporate spanking in our relationship.

Let’s face it 5 years ago and up to even today just about any of the DD blogs and the more instructional DD blogs that are out there that you may have read revolves around spanking as the equalizer in a DD relationship. Everyone talks about it, there are instructions on the who, when, where, and how to do the spanking. When we answer questions from a newbie, what is it we tell them should happen? We tell them that if she/he does not live up to their end of the bargain they get spanked. However, there is very little on the alternate side of discipline.

When I was researching how to do DD, it taught me important tools how to communicate, be more consistent in what I did in our DD lifestyle and to hold Bobbie and myself to a higher standard than what we did before, to make rules. When those rules were broken the main problem solver was spanking. It was explicitly expressed that this is what you should do and that is to spank when the tih needed correction and since I am a spanko I thought that was the logical direction to take. So I ran with it. When I first introduced discipline spanking into our DD relationship, as sad as it sounds it was because that was all I knew about the DD lifestyle in keeping the peace in our household. Little did I know while I was comfortable on the careening train of DD I was riding, it was about to run smack into an unmovable brick wall. Hundreds of hours of research went crashing into that wall called Bobbie.

Honestly, I have only discipline spanked Bobbie a few times. One I wrote on this blog. We do, do what we call US time which I would say that it equates to a maintenance spanking to let her know that she is heading into dangerous territory. What we have found out is that discipline spanking her to tears like that is counterproductive because it has the opposite effect on her. She gets into a depressing mood instead of a relaxed mood. Therefore, now her discipline is that she loses her electronics and books for a day and it can escalate from there, we also have resorted to writing essays on the problem at hand and we have been exploring writing lines by hand. This has a far better effect on her than a discipline spanking does.

In our earlier years before DD came into the lime light, D/s was the norm and we experimented with it when we were exploring with our kink, we played with D/s and had fun with it but we never took it to seriously enough to pursue it any farther than in the bedroom for the sex.   


Queenie: Hey Bob :) Have you or Bobbie ever started to have second thoughts about DD? If so, what did you do about it?

ROFLMAO. Shaking my head back and forth. If you only knew how many times we stopped and started DD, you would sit there and wonder how we did it. If I did something that Bobbie didn't like she would say, “Fine I quit”; and if she didn’t do what I wanted her to do I would say the same thing. The thing that kept it all together was that when one of us quit the other would say no you’re not. This seems to be working and we are not going back to the way we were. We would always go back to square one. We would make a pot of coffee, sit at the table, hold hands and then just talk of why we did this or that. At times, our commenting on of each other hurt because of the way one of us stated how one of us was acting. After much communication and after a few false starts we finely got it right and neither of us has said I quit. Oh yes we still get upset with one another but we have never ever again said, “I quit”


Bob

14 comments:

  1. My dearest Bob.
    If you were near me right now, I'd kiss you on both cheeks, after reading your response to my question. (Blush not, be proud!)
    Finally someone takes up the question of what happens if the woman can not cope with corporal punishment.

    I'm like Bobbie and I can honestly say that reading everyone's blog and how all women here respond positively to CP, I feel very odd. Really. As if I'm not like all the others.

    My question would instead be: How is it possible that all the women in Blog Land is capable at all of CP?
    Many are in need of this but not all. How do these women of CP, which does not have these needs to be CP?

    Bob, if you want to get Bobbie to do things for you and make things better, give her positive motivation rather than negative as CP is.
    Encourage, reward, provide fun erotic spanking every day for connection and Bobbie will eat out of your hand ... lol .. comparing said .. lol ..

    Hugs to you and to Bobbie,

    Mona Lisa.

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    1. Mona thank you for ask the question

      you made me think on how to answer your question and you did a wonderful job of asking the right question. thanks

      Bob

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  2. Good post and questions answered.

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    1. thank you sunnygirl for stopping by

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  3. Mona Lisa, I know you have been asking and wondering for quite some time why some women need to be spanked, in a discipline manner. While that doesn't really happen with us, although some by words alone could be defined as that- maybe this might help answer your questions within your comment. OR maybe I will make it more confusing...its worth a shot. Perhaps others could explain it better.

    I think the important thing here to remember is that everyone's need with ttwd or Dd is as completely different as they are- which we all know. There may be a similar thread that weaves through to create the quilt that we lovingly refer to blog land, but each pattern of each square is different.

    How it works for me, maybe completely different than how it works for Bobbie. It is like trying to explain the tastes of two chicken dishes. The base is the same, but the flavour is different. While be both can understand the foundation of it, you can't ever fully understand why you love sweet with your chicken and someone else loves spice. You can describe the merits of both until you are blue in the face, but unless you taste the other dish, you'll never truly be able to fully understand or critique it. That is not to say that one day you wake up and you no longer like sweet anymore LOL...confusing? I know. What further complicates this is explaining these dishes to someone who has never tasted chicken because they eat only veggies, or to one who has had 'off chicken'. There really isn't a point of reference to jump off from.

    Furthering with my ridiculous food analogy, some women may not 'like' certain foods- but because of their make-up they require them to sustain themselves and allow them to grow. Sure one could say take a supplement. That would be way easier than choking down something you say you don't like. But there is a benefit to experiencing the entire dish. There are aspects to which they enjoy even if it isn't the entire taste. For them the supplements just don't work.

    Okay analogy time is over. I guess as much as we try to explain even to one another our versions of ttwd, we can't always fully understand their 'dish'. Half the time we don't understand our own recipes. I know that to people who can't fathom how discipline works, or the CP method of it there really may never be the answers you look for. For me it is the connection both physical and emotional, more than the punitive. I could never write lines. But that is just me.

    Sorry for the Take over Bob. I enjoyed reading your responses!
    willie

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    1. Wilma I understood what you were saying now how scary is that LOL

      Bob

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  4. Thank you Wilma. Now I'm hungry, I think I'll have the chicken a 'la ... Mona Lisa ... lol ..

    Wilma, I know that someone needs to be punished, or accept the punishment. The thought of being punished is not so alien to residents of the United States as it is for residents of Europe. (Now I do not intend on UK:, sorry Bob.)

    That it feels just like you said: connection both physical and emotional.
    It's not something I can understand, but that's OK. We do not understand everything. The key is to accept that the need exists.
    Women have openly talked about it.

    There are spankos, who need to get their dose of CP - spanking to feel good. And that's OK.

    Did you read somewhere in Blog Land about women who want DD or TTWD, but can not handle punishment whatsoever that makes them feel as if they are the worst people in the world and just want to lie in the fetal position and die? Who become depressed in the days?
    No? Neither do I. Therefore, I think Bob's answer is so incredible that this brings up something different to think about.

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    1. LOL...Chicken a la Mona Lisa, done to perfection each time no doubt ! I can't speak for the US, but in Canada, spanking as a punishment is alien here too. Despite the huge numbers of Canadian ttwders per capita. But it is actually illegal after the age of I think 14 here.

      I would have to say just one more thing though, it is not only spankos that need to get their dose of CP. That is what is often so confusing to others I think. As for Bobbie's reaction I know of women who have had isolated incidents like he described. Often they don't write about that in public forums. For them however, there were other factors involved.

      Like you said the key is for people to understand their own needs.

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  5. The words "I quit!" have been on the very tip of my tongue more than a few times this summer. Just as it has been a rough summer for so many bloggers, it's been pretty hard for my husband and myself too. Lots of different reasons, but I found that in tough times, DD just seems to fade away and our old selves come out until things are more back to normal. I don't like it and I have been very disappointed. It seems that by now DD should be too ingrained for that. I can't help but wonder at those times if this whole thing has just been an elaborate game we've been playing. I never wanted it to be that. Anyway,thank you for your answer. While I'm sorry you and Bobbie have had some issues similar to ours, it does give me hope and comfort that you can work through things if you're both willing. I guess most days we're still willing.

    Mona Lisa, I really love seeing your comments around blogland. You always make me think and you challenge me to defend, in my own mind, just why it is I brought DD to my husband and why I feel I need CP. To be perfectly honest, I'm having a hard time answering that. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us :)

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    1. Like you Queenie I wish I had a dollar for every time we said I quit we would have a nice big hd TV.

      Bob

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  6. Great post, and really nice for me to hear. I think I would also fall in the category of being really depressed if actually punished, which is why good girl spankings are all we do. I love to feel submissive, but I'm hard enough on myself, I guess. anyway, it helped me to see that I might not be the only one like that.

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    1. thank you Renee for your kind words

      Bob

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  7. While discipline certainly plays a part in my fantasies, the reality is that if I was ever truly punished in real life, I think I would be heartbroken beyond words. I would feel strong emotions of guilt, depression, and hurt. I love the feeling of being submissive and would love to explore the dynamic of dominant and submissive roles. And I would be willing and open to exploring discipline in a playful way, but I am afraid that anything more serious than that for me personally would be too much. If my husband suggested it, I would be open to trying to incorporate discipline and maybe I would surprise myself and find that I respond well to it, but knowing my personal guilt over little misgivings, I think I punish myself enough on my own. Being disciplined would simply confirm my own feelings of worthlessness for having let the other person down in some way. That all being said, I honestly cannot think of any serious mistakes I have made in our relationship that would result in serious discipline and we do not have rules thus I have not broken any. If I had a rule which I would surely break, it would be not carrying my cell phone with me or keeping it charged...giving me a rule like that because he cared would make me feel loved and part of me wishes that protection, that nururing from my husband in my life; however, if I broke that rule, an honest and gentle conversation telling me why it was important to remember, forgiveness, and a hug, and perhaps a swat or two playfully as a reminder would be all it would take. I am eager to please. Though in my fantasy it would be much more than a swat or two and I still often wonder what that experience would be like and I know for many that dynamic works great in their relationships. We all do TTWD in whatever works best for us. For us, right now, that means spankings for fun and pleasure and play. Your post has given me thoughts to ponder. Thank-you for the discussion. Best wishes, Terpsichore

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  8. Hi Trep

    You are so much like Bobbie in her thought on this subject.

    That is why we have gone to the alternate discipline way, it has and is working a lot better than trying to get her to accept a spanking.

    Bob

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