Friday, August 9, 2013

Questions Answered

Maryanne: i have been away on vacation but over the last few weeks we have gotten out of the 'groove' and well.... how do we get back IN the groove? i'm sending out a plea of help to you and i'm hoping you'll have some good advice for me. :)

It has been said if you break a cycle for more than 3 weeks what is likely to happen is that you won’t go back to what you were doing. Just like what is happening to you.

What I would try if Bobbie and I were not involved in our DD lifestyle as much as we are now is I would first have a sit-down. I would talk to her about how I thought we are slacking on our commitment to each other and just rolling over giving up on each other, Being careful not to lay blame at her feet because in reality we are both at fault for letting this go so far.

Once the problem (s) have been identified it will be time to go to work on getting back into the groove. If it is the husband slacking in his duties, then you, the tih, will have to gently take him by the hand and guide him in the right direction by being submissive to him by asking for his help. You may have to bluntly say to him that you need his guidance in telling you what he wants or you could just tell him that you need some much needed attention.

If the wife is the one that is slacking, then you, the HOH, needs to step up to the plate. She is waiting for your help and support. Tell her in your dominate voice that vacation time is over and we need to get back to where we were. Tell her it is time to start about thinking of US again and not wandering around like lost nomads. You will probably have to get firm with her if she continues to slack off. I would think a good reminder spanking or two would get her back into the program.

The bottom line is to start talking again to each other and coming up with a plan that the both of you agree on. Roll up your sleeves and go to work.

Rog: My wife, Kim, seems to be having a hard time giving up that final bit of control and fully submitting to me. How do I help her with this?

Not knowing the dynamics of your relationship nor what she or you think is that final step, I cannot fully answer for you but you can talk to your wife and ask her why she is having a difficult time submitting in this area. Find out what is hindering her to submit to you totally. When you do find out what is hindering her, then I would attempt to solve the problem by breaking it down to smaller compartments thus making it easier to manage. Then work on each compartment until the whole problem is solved. Doing so with baby steps and with a lot of communication.

Now this is just my personal thoughts on fully submitting to a person. I don’t think it can happen and my reasoning is because we have feelings and we respond to the stimuli around us. We process things with our mind. We in general form our opinions from what we have experienced and from the things around us.

With all that going on, what was good today may be a problem tomorrow or later, something that happened in our past that was forgotten has now awakened causing us to dredge up some bad memory or it could be something good. We are dealing with ever changing emotions. Never in a set pattern and so it is with submission. It too is ever changing ever moving.



  1. Hi Bob,

    Thank you for sharing this. Excellent advice! As always, communication is the key.


  2. As always, communication is always the key. But going back to the original plan and process used when beginning DD is extremely helpful in cases like Maryanne. If someone is in this position and does not have an original plan and tools to relate back to, then that itself could be part of the difficulty. A DD relationship doesn't just happen. It's planned and worked on or inconsistency seeps in and then frustration and and then a complete restart is needed.
    Rog: Patience and never forcing someone to push faster then they are ready are vital. Often TiHs try and move their HoHs along too quickly and that doesn't work either. Each person needs to feel appreciated for their progress and the closeness that has come after beginning their process. Have a Sit Down Discussion based on the positive progress that has happened since beginning a DD process and then bring up where to move onto next.

  3. Thank you, Bob, some great advice in there. :) And I love how humble you can be, not assuming you know the whole picture. Thank you for being so honest. :)

  4. great advice bob! thanks! ok. gotta get to rollin' up the sleeves. :)


  5. Great advice Bob! Also really good questions!