Friday, December 6, 2013

Dating On The Internet




As the internet gets bigger and bigger more people are looking towards it as a dating service for the means of meeting and hopefully under the right circumstances met Mister or Miss right. This tool like everything else could be used for good or it could be used for bad.

Bobbie and I frequently visit the ADDS chat room maintained by MRBBSpanker, he has given us, a core group of people that meet a couple of times a week free rein on how to control the chat room with the one stipulation that we have to keep it as a DD chat room and not to use it as a dating service. He pops in every once in a while to see how we are doing then disappears into cyber space doing other things that he needs to do.

There has been a flux of single women that have come into the chat room to see what we are all about. As we talk to them and get to know them some talk about their experiences with dating on the internet looking for potential partners. Few of the women have it together and understand the ways of the internet and take certain precautions in protecting themselves. Others, well they don’t have a clue as to what to do and they don’t understand the dangers of what could happen in cyber land.

This post is in no way the definitive way of doing things as situations change and so should the participant to be ever vigilant into being alert and safe at all times. This is my thought on how to be safe and from doing research from other blogs of people that have done this type of thing before. Before you even think about searching for a new mate, you should have a game plan on how you are going to move forward in this new endeavor.

First thing is to know who you are. By this I mean who are you, what is it that you are looking for in a relationship, and what are your needs that are non-negotiable that is a must for this to work. Then think of your wants, what is it that you would like to have but that are not deal breakers and once you have figured that out write it down. This is what you are going to base your whole quest on.

Now that you have written a list of what are deal breakers and what is not. Do the same for the type of guy you are looking for. List everything that you want in a guy. Yes I know it sounds like a shopping list and in a way it is after all you are shopping for a partner. Make two columns and list them as must haves and would like to have but can do without.

Before you do anything else you have to have a support group and that is you need to have one or more friend know what you plan on doing and find out if it is ok to use them as a safety net. By this I mean when it is time to meet your date can he/she man the phones and keep a vigil going for your safety.

When you first set up your date you, are going to give your chosen person all the information of where, when, how and at what time you are going to meet that person. You are going to have two safe words. One word saying that you are ok and the other that you are in danger. Make sure your friend understands that she is to call the police if you don’t call at a certain time or if you use the safe word indicating that something is wrong.


When you write your profile tell the person a bit about yourself but do not divulge any personal information. Keep it as general as possible and keep it honest. Don’t tell them you’re into skydiving if you’re afraid of flying.

Pick the dating service that you are going to use. Some you will have to pay for and some are free and then read the fine print before you sign the contract. I know it is boring but you will need to know how they are going to handle your information, who and how they will see your information, how many hits you are allowed before they charge you more money.

Now that all that is done your profile is out there and you have some prospects to consider and then bounce around. See what they say and bounce it off that list you made about your wants and needs. Does what he said on his profile come close to what you want? No? Put him aside and move on to the next letter.

You hit the jackpot! After several emails back and forth, he seems like a great guy that you want to meet. But before you do, ask him for his driver’s license, address and his cell number that he can be reached at. If he balks at the idea then tell him thanks but no thanks and end all contacts with him, he is not being honest and could be hiding something. Set the time and place that is agreeable for the two of you and put all that in a packet and give to your friend, go over it with them make sure the both of you understand the passwords and the exact time that you are to call.

Do not accept a ride from him on your first date. On the day you are supposed to meet him get there an hour earlier and park your car away from the meeting place. Go into the restaurant and make small talk with the waitress so that she will remember you just in case something goes wrong.

When your date arrives enjoy yourself and at the appointed time tell him you have to make a phone call to your friend and then call her and give her the password telling her that everything is either fine or not so good.

When it is time to leave say your goodbyes and let him leave first. Tell him you have some errands to do or that you are meeting a friend here to go shopping. Either way let him go first wait 20 minutes then you can do whatever you want to do. In the same breath be aware of your surroundings.The reason for this is so that he can’t follow you home if for some reason the date didn’t go so well. You don’t want him on your door step one day.

Yes this sounds like a lot of wasted time and steps but I would rather see you waste time than be sorry that you have a potential stalker on your hands.

A lot of people have found true love on the internet and many people have been hurt by it also. So use it wisely and I hope that you find the person that you are looking for but above all else please be carful and watch your back.


Bob

11 comments:

  1. It can be so scary, but can also be someplace to find true real love. Good hints Bob. :)

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    1. True the Internet has played match maker very well and I hope this article will save someone greaf and aggravation

      Bob

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  2. This is really important advice. Thank you for sharing it!

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    1. Thanks Corinne for stopping by

      Bob

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  3. Bob, this is really good advice. The Duke and I actually went with one friend, and sat a few tables over while she met a guy online. She didn't let him know until the end of the date that we were there. Because there was no call there was no safeword, but we did have an action that if she pulled it, we would act right away. Thank you for sharing these, and I hope some girls really take them to heart and practice them. Online dating does open up doors, but sometimes to the wrong people. :(

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  4. If this helps just one person then it was well worth it to write

    Bob

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  5. Excellent advice. We have a a missing woman in our area who answered an online ad without a safety net. :(

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    1. Hi DH

      I hate hearing stories like that, I wish more people would be more street wise when dating

      Bob

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  7. Excellent advice. A few times I didn't follow it years ago and almost landed myself in big trouble. I'm much smarter now, a slow learner, but I finally do learn. :-)

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    1. Hello Jackie to my little home

      I am glad you have escaped the hardship of dating on the internet and I hope this makes a lot more think about what they are doing


      Bob

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