Thursday, June 13, 2013

How To Repair Trust



JasonsGirl and I had so much fun doing topping from the bottom that we decided to do it again. This time we are doing What to do When the Offending Partner Broke the Sacred Vow of Trust. JasonsGirl from  The Taming of tThe Shrew wrote about the tih view and I am taking the HOH view.

First, I think it's a good idea to remember that "trust" is not a tangible object rather just an idea (that feels very "real"). I think that my idea of someone breaking trust is going to be different from yours because of our different interactions in life.

I am not going to get into what he did wrong or if DD should be put on hold until the problem is resolved that is beyond the purpose of this post. That decision will have to be up to the two of you to continue or not.

I think that most people work hard to be trustworthy. There aren’t too many people that I know who wake up in the morning, roll out of bed and say to themselves, “Hmmm…I think I’ll try to break someone’s trust today!” Yet even in spite of our best intentions, there will be times when we damage the level of trust in our relationships. Sometimes it is due to our own stupidity when we make choices that we know are wrong or hurtful to others. Other times we unknowingly erode trust by engaging in behaviors that others interpret as untrustworthy. Regardless of how it happens, breaking trust in a relationship is a serious matter.

   Here are some ways to rebuild trust

Acknowledge that trust has been broken. Don’t pretend that it didn’t happen and stop saying it was someone elses fault because the longer you wait the more likely it is that they will think that you are truly untrustworthy. The faster you admit that you messed up the faster you can repair it.


Admit your role in causing the breach of trust. For some people this may be a hard thing to do. It’s one thing to say you have created this problem; it’s a whole another story to admit you caused it. Our ego and false pride are usually what prevent us from admitting our mistakes. Put your big boy pants on and take ownership of what you have done. When people hear this they will respect you because you are saying it is your fault. This will pay huge dividends down the road as you work to rebuild trust.


Apologize for what happened. When you apologize for your mistake be sincere and do not make excuses on why it happened. They don’t care why it happened. They only care that you broke their trust so stand tall and admit your faults. Ask for forgiveness and tell them your plan to correct the problem, how you are going to make amends to the damaged party.


Assess where the breakdown in trust happened. Tell the person that you hurt that you have identified the area of where you broke that trust. Then tell them how you are going to fix it so that it won’t happen again.


Amend the situation by taking corrective action to repair any damage that has been done, and create an action plan for how you will improve in the future. Your attempts at rebuilding trust will be stalled unless you take this critical step to demonstrate noticeable changes in behavior.


You cannot control the outcome of this process and there is no guarantee that following these steps will restore trust in the relationship. However, the important thing is that you have made the effort to improve yourself. You’ll be able to lay your head on the pillow at night with a clear conscience that you’ve done everything under your power to cultivate the soil for trust to once again grow and flourish.

You have a long road ahead of you in proving that you have made amends. Remember that it will take a lot of time to repair the damage that you have done. Be patient with her.  If she doubts you at some point along the way. Hopefully your relationship will be stronger after the repairs are in place.

28 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Hi sunnygirl

      So true and so hard to do

      Bob

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  2. Hi Bob,

    This is excellent and well thought out, thank you for sharing. I agree owning the mistake, apologising and making amends are vital steps in attempting to re-gain trust.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    Replies
    1. Hello Roz

      Eating crow to the offended person goes a long way and then meaning what you say

      Bob

      Delete
  3. Good job on a touch topic, you have probably helped with those who are struggling with this.
    hugs abby

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    Replies
    1. greetings abby

      I hope that it well help someone fess up to their mistakes and be able to repair the damage
      that was done

      Bob

      Delete
  4. So true.....sometimes it can be really hard to follow these steps but so worth it!
    Kim

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    Replies
    1. Afternoon R&a

      yes it is hard to do but necessary to do

      Bob

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  5. Acknowledge that the trust has been broken. That is certainly a HUGE step. Often emotions get so high when this happens that it leaks into other areas of your lives together. Spreading toxins in their wake. Sitting back and examining where and when it started is often quite difficult. The good news is, even if it happens again, which unfortunately it does, it is easier to recognize and communicate about.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Wilma

      Owning up to your mistake is the first step that says a lot right off the bat but lip service is cheap you have to prove that you have changed that is were the work will be


      bob

      Delete
  6. Good post as usual.

    Bob, you forgot to write something: a real spanking with all isntrumment available in the house. What? Wrong gender?
    Sure, I'm just kidding.
    No matter what, no punishment spanking for anyone. So it is in my head. Regardless of gender.
    Put on your adult boy or girl panties and this is the most important of all:
    "However, the important thing is that you have made the effort to improve yourself."
    This means to be MATURE.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mona as always it is a treat when you write me

      I think you have it in for me to get a spanking ummmm nope not going to happen
      I would like to think that my audiences that read here are intelligent people and didn't think I had to tell them no spanking because I can't see one of you tih gals agreeing to that right off the bat

      Bob

      Delete
  7. good post...trust is so important and so essential to rebuild if lost even for a moment... thanks for sharing

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    Replies
    1. Hi there Treps

      Once trust is broken it is very hard to get it back

      Bob

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  8. This is a good post. It can be so hard to rebuild trust once it is lost, but the communication you mentioned is vital to that process. Thank you for sharing this.

    Hugs,
    TL

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    Replies
    1. Hi TL Bucko

      yes the key is communication and transparency

      Bob

      Delete
  9. Great post and great advice. Thank you and Jason's girl for these posts. Tara

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Tara

      Thank you for your kind words

      Bob

      Delete
  10. Great post. Rebuilding the trust is important and everything you stated above is true. The TIH needs to do their part as well. Allowing mistakes will happen- right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Minelle

      Yes when trust is damaged it is a lot of work on both sides especially the offended one to learn how to trust them again

      Bob

      Delete
  11. Hi Renne

    Thank you for stopping by to say hi

    Bob

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  12. You mentioned some very good points, and those are good tips on rebuilding trust. Nice post. :)

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    Replies
    1. Hi Kenzie

      Thank you for your kind words

      Bob

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  13. Owning are own mistakes is one of the toughest things to do in my opinion. I have learned though that this is getting much easier for both of us. It is a great place to be, and the trust can be stronger than ever before, even if it was initially broken :) Great post!

    -Marie

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    Replies
    1. Hello Marie

      It is very hard to own up to one's mistakes I should know I made one or two of them in my life time.

      Bob

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  14. this was an excellent post! i'm so glad i finally had time to sit and read it (summer's are crazy here) because it was so meaningful. thank you!

    hugs,
    m.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Maryanne

      I am glad you took time off a busy schedule to say hi and read my blog out of the hundreds out there.

      Bob

      Delete