Tuesday, May 14, 2013

The Letter I


A blow with a word strikes deeper than a blow with a sword.
Robert Burton

A word from the mouth is like a stone from a sling.
Spanish Proverb

Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs.
Pearl Strachan Hurd

If the word has the potency to revive and make us free, it has also the power to blind, imprison, and destroy.
Ralph Ellison

 
Out of all the muscles in your body, the strongest one happens to be your tongue (medical fact) but it has power in more ways than just the physical. Words been known to achieve some of the most incredible feats known to humanity throughout history. Words are what carry out the orders to declare war or to avoid it, words have destroyed or created entire empires, and words have glorified or assassinated a person’s character s and I am sure you can easily add to the list.

The one word that I want to write about that I think is on the top 10 list of dangerous words is the (I) word, it’s a simple word, it is the ninth letter in the alphabet and it’s imposable to misspell. (Even for me) J  Here is the story of why I dislike that letter

In the early years of our marriage when Bobbie and me used the word “I”, when spoken it had a positive up lifting meaning for us it was defined as , we, us, let me help, or I’ll do it for you, when used it meant for the betterment for us as a couple, it was an act of kindness.

Now as the years passed and we have gotten use to each other, involved in our own thing and doing the duties, that each of us took. Slowly something terrible happened we stopped talking to each other we never asked if either one of us needed help we left each other to their own device thinking that every thing was ok. I suspect that is when the meaning of that insidious letter changed, it morphed into something entirely different, now when I hear the word “I” I hear me; mine, my, no one else, alone. We had both changed a word that was positive to one that was negative.

As I was learning the new meaning of the word “I” when I hear Bobbie saying the I word,  it would set the hairs on the back of  my neck up, my ears would perk up and I get real attentive fast because she was attempting to do something by herself. This in itself is not a bad thing but Bobbie a very proud person who use to think that she could do everything by herself.  Left to her own devices Bobbie has a way of getting way over head in her projects and sometimes I was the last one to know about it or until it blew way out of proportion.

Now that we are in a DD relationship when I hear Bobbie say the letter I, especially when it’s suppose to involve us, I gently say WE are… instead of her saying I am going… If that doesn't work then it's a trip to the wood shed for a board meeting.  Life is so much better when it is WE as a team than when its I alone.

26 comments:

  1. Hey Bob...very good point...replacing I with we is one of the hardest things for many new DDers. I really like the fact that you gently remind Bobbie before inviting her to a board meeting. ;)

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Hi Cat.

      I was amazed at how the word I changed changed from positve word to a negative one.
      Now that we now what is going on with the "I" word it was changed to "we" instead now

      Bob

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  2. A good post Bob. Also something to be said for replacing 'he' with 'we' as in "he doesn't want me to do that....." To "we don't think we should do that...."

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    1. Hi Janey

      When we make it an US life seem to move so much better when working as a team

      Bob

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  3. Hi Bob! :)

    I liked your post! :). Team work is so so much better for sure! We are right there much of the time these days. Not only does it feel wonderful to be doing or addressing more things together, it also seems to decrease stress along the way.

    I (there's that word- lol) did learn that there is a use for it- when one is politely disagreeing, it is better to say, "I feel blank about you forgetting to watch a show with me." Vs "you didn't watch a show with me." (An accusation). This language thing sure is interesting. And once those words come out of the mouth, they've been said, and that can't be undone! Thanks Bob! Interesting to think about. Hugs!

    <3 Katie

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    1. Hi Katie

      Interesting you brought the "I" word back into positiveve light instead of saying you said, say I thought that, defuses the situation right off the bat excellent thought thank you

      Bob

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  4. Bob, interesting post. Thank you.
    I've never thought of it that way, but it is certainly true that "I" can mean something positive or negative .But yes, you are right that there is something wrong in the marriage, when "I" suddenly feels wrong and alone. Interesting thought.

    I have always been cautious and pronounced the word "I" instead of "you" if I want to say something negative to Leo. Rather than attack the with "you do not do this and that", etc. .. I told him how "I" feel about it IF it was not as it should be.



    Board meeting? Wait, what do you do there? Oh, now I know. No, Bob, thank you so much, but no. There is too much coffee drinking for my taste.

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    1. I was amazed at the way we changed it from a positive word into a negative word.

      I like the way you turned I back into positiveve word by using it instead of the you word.

      AS always Mona I look forward to your replies

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  5. It's funny you know, I find I'm constantly correcting myself from my to our. Before ttwd I never really noticed how *I* claimed things, like the kids, and the house. Sheesh.

    As far as what Mona Lisa said, that was one thing we learned in marriage prep class, " avoiding you statements".

    Oops slightly off topic. Enjoyed the post

    willie

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    1. HI Wilma

      Yes we are learning to use different words no and we are learning more as we go along this walk

      Bob

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  6. Interesting post Bob, and you raise a very good point. "we" is so much better than "I".

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz

      And "we" is so much better than "I".

      Bob

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  7. Great post. I am probable going to pay a lot more attention to how I am using the word (I) and how he responds/feels about it. Thank you for giving me something to think about…

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    1. Hello there CDC

      Thank you for your kind words. Try to include him in every thing you do in a while it will be easer to do.

      Bob

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  8. Interesting perspective as usual Bob.
    "We" vs "I" thinking, in bringing a couple closer together starting a DD dynamic within their relationship, can be powerful.

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  9. Hi MRBBSpanker

    My mind works in a strange way LOL

    When you can become us life is so much easier

    Bob

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  10. I think there is a place for "I" like Katie and Mona Lisa nicely stated. Certainly "We" and "Us" and "Our" is special and emphasizes the joy of togetherness and working as a team. Thanks for sharing

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    1. Hi trep

      Mona taught me how to use the I word in a positive way and I am grateful for that and also al you other friends that have new words to use when we talk to each other. Thank you all

      Bob

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  11. Hi Bob, a thought provoking post as always. For sure, we is much better than I. My husband has always been careful to say we and I've always appreciated that and tried to reciprocate. I guess because of that, I've always taken notice of those that don't do the same. Words really do have great power.

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    1. Hello Queenie

      Thanks for stopping by, you always brighten up my day when you stop by and give me words of encouragement

      Bob

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  12. "I" liked your post :) Seriously though, it's true that when you take "I" and make it a lesser part of the equation it is better.

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    1. Glad you could stop by quiet sara
      I am so glad I learned how to use I again and how to make it a lesser part of the conversation

      Bob

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  13. Lar and I have always used 'we' and 'our'. We both hate the word MY as it pertains to belongings. It just amazes us to watch HGTV and hear couples talk about MY house, my closet... It just blows us away. (Okay, I'm talking the big things here. Obviously we all have to lay claim to clothing, shoes, etc.) It sounds selfish, and truthfully, selfishness has no place in a marriage. Just my two cents worth.

    Joannie

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    1. Hi there Joannie how are you doing miss you

      singular words are slowly being band from our house and are being replaced with plural words

      Bob

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  14. Hi, Bob. I have a long standing habit of saying "I" and "my", and I too have learned the importance of recognizing the power of "we." Seems like you and Bobbie are in a better place. Hugs!

    -Marie

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  15. I really like the message behind this post .. I think it's great that you noticed this and want to take care of/avoid the use of it. Good for you guys, and great post.

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