Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Submission

I was searching for some info and I came upon this article about what submission is and is not, I thought it had some excellent points. What do you think?
What Submission Is Not
“Do you think I am submissive to my husband?” I asked nearly two hundred young college women during a seminar on preparing for marriage. We all had a good chuckle over their negative responses. One said I was “too tall” to be submissive, and another said I “talked too much!” What crippled ideas we have concerning the meaning of submission.

Not many years ago I had to grapple with the question of submission to my husband, and it wasn’t a joke. Could a strong-willed, dominant person such as I am submit? In high school I had been a leader, team captain, director, manager, and supervisor of nearly everything there was to lead, direct, manage, or supervise. Was this what I wanted for my marriage? Somehow I had to come to grips with the overall concept of what it means to be a submissive wife in a supportive relationship.

My study revealed that a doormat wife was just as far from God’s ideas as is the henpecked husband. Neither extreme was ever intended for a complete marriage. The Christian direction is for mutual submission, but at the point of conflict the wife is encouraged to submit, adapt, or yield. This, however, does not mean that a wife remains silent, leaving everything to the discretion of her husband. If she feels she has an insight or special understanding of a matter, she is obligated to share this with her husband so that he can take her opinions into his decision. If she withholds her feelings and knowledge on the matter, she is being less than submissive, for she has not given a willing response.

Submission does not mean helplessly depending on a man by refusing to accept responsibility or making decisions when necessary. A wife has her obligations and should remain free to carry them out. When decisions need to be made, she checks out her plans with her husband and assumes responsibility from that point on. If he is not available to consult, she acts in accordance with her best judgment.
Nor is submission servility. A wife who perceives her husband’s judgment as wrong or disastrous to the family’s welfare should tell him so –with respect, but firmly and honestly. If an issue arises and a wife says, “Do whatever you think is right, dear, “and never offers an opinion even when she sees that her husband is heading for trouble, she is not submissive, but foolishly servile.

Blind obedience isn’t the answer either. A woman who accepts an inferior position to her husband will lose his respect. Likely she has already lost respect for herself or will soon do so when she does not allow herself to be a real person. An intelligent husband does not want a doormat.
The extremes of silence, helpless dependency, servility, and blind obedience are not attributes found in a supportive wife. A supportive wife possesses dignity, opinions, and spunk, but she also respects and responds to her husband’s supportive leadership.

What Submission Is

A submissive wife will willingly adapt her own rights to those of her husband, but how does this idea actually work in a supportive relationship? How far can a woman go in pushing her rights?

My husband expects to hear from me on major issues involving the family, and if I say nothing, he knowssomething is dreadfully wrong. If he makes a definite decision regarding the matter, I usually accept it, if for any reason I feel that he hasn’t considered all the angles, I will push a little further. At this point he may change his viewpoint, but if he gives me a flat no, I do my best to accept it. Other times I might be so outspoken as to say, “You may think you are right from your point of view, but I’m right from mine!” we may never agree on his decision, but I feel better because I can express my opinions. This freedom of expression is part of a supportive relationship too.

The adaptiveness required in submission is actually an attitude before it becomes an act. It isn’t a matter of mechanical obedience but a positive inner attitude. A wife might bend to every wish of her husband, but submission means willinglyadapting to the right of the other. So if it isn’t done willingly, it isn’t true submission. Underneath all her apparent compliance, she might be nursing insidious hurts and resentment that are stockpiling into a major case of bitterness. Sooner or later such rebellion will burst into the open and must be dealt with.

A submissive attitude will not stifle a woman’s personality, or any personality for that matter. Instead, it provides the best atmosphere for creativity and individuality to express itself in a wholesome way. God wants us to fully express His gifts to us of intelligence, insight, and common sense. Everyone’s personhood in a compleat marriage must be preserved at all costs.

Another aspect of submission is respect. A husband’s and wife’s respect for one another sets an example to the children. Fathers and mothers strive to teach their children cheerful obedience, but their training will be effective only when children see their parents leading the way.
Sometimes one spouse or the other is totally unaware of how many times in how many ways he or she is breaking down respect for the other. The mother may say, “Dad is boss,” but deep in her heart she knows this is not true, for she generally does as she pleases if there is a conflict of wills.

Children quickly notice when we fail to practice what we preach, if they see that Mother and Dad practice mutual respect, such an example cannot fail but to influence them. Every child needs a hero. A mother can help her children think of their father in this light rather than the Six Million DollarMan. Her attitude toward her husband will count in the children’s eyes.

“The noted criminal judge Samuel Liebowitz says, “If mothers would understand that much of their importance lies in building up the father-image for the child, they would achieve the deep satisfaction of children who turn out well. ‘Perhaps, then, he suggests, she would not have to stand before him in juvenile court with tears in her eyes to say those words he hears so often: ‘What did I do that was wrong, Judge—what did I do that was wrong?’ On the basis of his long experience, the judge offers a nine-word principle for reducing juvenile delinquency—‘Put father back at the head of the family’” (J. Allen Peterson, The Marriage Affair, p. 72).

A supportive wife will encourage even feeble attempts at leadership by showing her appreciation. When her husband makes a suggestion, she can decide to accept it graciously even if she doesn’t feel like it. Chances are she would have accepted the suggestion if someone other than her husband had made it. If a wife’s attention and appreciation reinforce her husband’s attempts at leadership, he will want to try again.

http://harhis23.hubpages.com/hub/The-Meaning-of-Submission-in-Marriage
 

37 comments:

  1. Thank you for posting this Bob. I think it has some fantastic points!

    willie

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    1. Thank you for stopping by Wilma

      I thought it would be interesting to pass around and get deferentnt point of view on submission is in the vanilla world

      Bob

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  2. I love this Bob! "A supportive wife possesses dignity, opinions, and spunk, but she also respects and responds to her husband’s supportive leadership." That's a great line! There is clearly some spunk around here.

    I like how they talk about the importance of showing the father as HoH in front of the children and how it's good for them to see the wife supporting his role. One of the things that I have loved around here is how we now deal with our kids issues. I now say, "let's go discuss with dad, as he decides." They then see us work together to talk about whatever it is. Then Rob makes the decision. This is one of the major changes in our home and it provides peace instead of constant arguments. It really is a HUGE benefit to TTWD!

    Thanks for posting this. Hugs to you!

    <3 Katie

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    1. Thanks Katie
      It had some great points with the kids in mind and toacceptt the husbands point of view even if it is not what she thought itshouldd be.

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  3. Thanks for sharing Bob! I hadn't read this one before :)

    ~MrBBSpanker

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    1. Thanks MRBBSpanker

      I liked the different spin it put on submission

      Bob

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  4. This is excellent Bob, thanks for sharing.

    "A submissive attitude will not stifle a woman’s personality, or any personality for that matter. Instead, it provides the best atmosphere for creativity and individuality to express itself in a wholesome way". I love this line.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz

      What I was impressed with the article is that it let the submissive that they are strong not weak and that their opinion matters

      Bob

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  5. I love the idea that it is the responsibility of the submissive partner to offer their opinion and advice. This allows the HOH to make an educated decision.

    I have to say I always offer my opinion! LOL

    Nice find Bob.

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    1. HI Minelle

      Yes I liked that too and we all know all you woman have an opinion on something or another and that is what I like about you gals your not afraid to speak your mind and that can be helpful at times, but I never said that LOL

      Bob

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  6. I like this...many good points as already pointed out in the comments before me. Submissive is not a synonym for doormat, but supportive is definitely one of the needed aspects.
    hugs abby

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  7. "If an issue arises and a wife says, “Do whatever you think is right, dear, “and never offers an opinion even when she sees that her husband is heading for trouble, she is not submissive, but foolishly servile." And so many other great points. And she is right, we are not being doormats when we let men lead. If we were, then the men would not be held accountable to love us, protect us, lead us, and do what is best for us, even when we don't see it ourselves. I've seen the doormat relationships, those aren't based on submission, but fear. True submission comes out of love and respect. Thank you so much for sharing. :)

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  8. The important thing is for the husband to carefully consider the opinions and advice offered by the wife - if he disregards them, it can lead to all sorts of problems. It's just that some wives seem to go overboard with their opinions and advice! Thank you for sharing this article with us Bob!

    Hugs

    Ami

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  9. Great article. Thanks for posting. :)

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  10. Stupid Blogger ate my comments! I'll try just once more!

    The important thing is that the husband carefully considers the advice and opinions offered by the wife before coming to a decision, or it can lead to untold problems.

    The trouble is that many wives seem to go overboard when offering such advice and opinions!

    Thank you for sharing this article with us Bob!

    Hugs

    Ami

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  11. Thanks Bob! Like those before me said, it has some really good points.

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    1. Thank you Jane
      Glad you got some thing out of it

      Bob

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  12. Excellent article Bob! It's just what my husband has been telling me - that although he is the head of our home, he needs me to partner with him, to be a balance for him and an encourager to him. Thank you so much for posting it!

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    1. Hi Dayderamer

      That is the hard part knowing when to voice you opinion and the nknowing when to be quiet

      Bob

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  13. Bob,
    Thank you for researching this topic and sharing. I have a sneaky feeling; this will be helpful for couples who are not sure what the definitions/expectation are for a wife that wants to submit.
    Thank you so much
    cdc

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    1. Greetings CDC

      Hope this helps those how are searching what submission is.

      Bob

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  14. Thanks for sharing this very interesting post, Bob.
    Viola

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    1. Your so very welcome Viola

      Bob

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  15. Amazing post Bob! Many of today's so-called women just do not realize how important their roles are! Same for the so-called men! I will be in touch :)

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    1. Thanks for stoping by PinkRandi

      I thought the article was interesting and it explaned it so well that I had to post it.

      Bob

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  16. thanks for sharing this article...it included some very interesting points...

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    1. Hi Trep

      The one I liked was how to express your feelings about he is doing things and not getting into a knock down drag out fight

      Bob

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  17. Hi Bob :) Great article and thanks for sharing it. It CAN be pretty confusing at times. Am I saying too much/nagging or am I not sharing my opinions enough?? I think I'm beginning to find a good balance. I state my complete and honest view of the situation and then stop. The stopping part is what I was never so good at before DD!

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    1. Hi there Queenie

      Finding a good balance is the keys to the kingdom if can find that the rest would be easy. LOL

      Bob

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  18. Hi Bob. Some very good points here. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Hi Zoe glad to meet you

      Thank you for stopping by

      bob

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  19. Excellent post Bob.
    It's actually very much in line with how I perceive my own submission. Alec and I are both partners. We are examples to our children. We encourage one another to be the best we can be within our roles. I yield to him in his leadership of our family.
    I wouldn't have it any other way.
    (Hugs) Cat

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    1. Hi Cat
      this article had manyexcellentt points how to interact with your partner in front of others.
      It explained what submission is and is not and reintegrated that you gals are strong and defiantly are no push overs.

      Bob

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  20. Great post Bob! I've seen a lot of articles on submission, and what it is/is not, but I haven't seen this one before, and I really like it. It makes a lot of good points on both sides. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Morning Kenzie

      I sm glad you liked the article


      Bob

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  21. Bob,
    This is so interesting and helpful. Thanks for sharing this post!

    ~Smartingoff

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