Thoughts From A HOH

Lisa Lynn: my husband and I work together (in tight quarters) as we are over the road truck drivers..well he drives and I due to medical issues can't work/drive so I navigate and help in any way I can. my question is do you ever get overwhelmed being the HOH? Though we have been married 12 wonderful years we are really new to this part of our relationship and we love it. Have never had this peace and closeness. I just worry that being with me 24/7 doesn't he need an off switch so to speak. he says he loves his new role and I really believe he does but I put myself in his shoes and I would be soo incredibly overwhelmed. could you give us ladies possibly some insight into the male psyche of being the HOH/disciplinarian/dom...I agree with Wilma and Queenie as well, I love hearing about the dynamics of others relationships and have learned a lot. Thank-you

Well Lisa Lynn and all those who really want to sneak a quick look into the psyche of a HOH

I can honestly say I have never gotten overwhelmed with being a HOH for the 4 + years that we have been doing DD. That being said, I have been confused because there are days when I honestly haven’t a clue on what to do. I know that us HOH’s are always supposed to have an idea of what we want and where we are headed but, as much as I hate to say this, there are days that my compass is off and I lose direction of where we are headed. On those days, I get very quiet and I go into my analytical cave and ponder on what it is that is off. Sometimes I can pinpoint it right away and other times it will take me days to realize what went wrong and then I can either go back to where the mistake was made or I can change direction from that point on to go in the direction that we should be going.

Hurt, yes under the tough paper armor we wear, we hurt just as much as you girls do. We just tend to hide it better than you do. The person that is most capable of hurting me is the one I love the most. Bobbie with a single gesture or word can slice me like no other. I hurt when I have to discipline Bobbie either by a spanking or by taking something away from her because I am the one causing the pain and discomfort although I do it for the good of US

Scared, When I make a big decision be it finances or an unknown direction that I think our family should follow because the risks are huge and it can be costly if the wrong move was made. So I sit up at night and think about it and pray that it turns out ok.

Worried, I worry when something goes wrong and I don’t know what the outcome will be or when I have no control over a situation and we are forced to go along for the ride.

Angry, When Bobbie does something that I think is reckless or dangerous I get angry at myself. First, because I feel it was my fault for not explaining myself clearly enough or that I have not provided a safety net to protect her. After we have talked about what has happened, and I find that I did everything that I could then my anger is towards her.

Rewarded, I am rewarded almost on a daily bases because when there is peace in our little universe I know I have done my job in protecting and leading my family through the not so smooth roads of life. To see the content look on Bobbie’s face and in her actions what greater joy can one have than that.

Surprised, this one gets me every time because I never expect it. It always has a way of sneaking up on me. There are days that I really don’t think Bobbie is listening to me or that her whole purpose in life is to make me miserable. Then all of a sudden unexpectedly she will say or do something that shows me that she has been listening to me, those precious times can get me to smile from ear to ear.

Happy, I am at my happiest when I know I have done a good job in providing for my family and meeting Bobbie's needs that tells me that there is smooth sailing ahead, in other words, when Bobbie is happy me the HOH is happy.

So the big question of the day is why do it? If it takes a lot of time and energy, the marriage is well with no internal battles going on, and everything is clear over the horizon then why bother?

Well I think it is a simple answer and it is because I like it, I like the control, I like the challenge, it gives me a purpose. It makes me proud when it all comes together even for a short while. The other important thing that I like about being the HOH is the look on Bobbie's face to see the contentment, the safe haven that we have built. We are a team now like the Dynamic Duo no longer fighting by ourselves.

The thing that I dislike about it is that I have to be the heavy to police the rules and when they are broken I have to be the disciplinarian. That, in itself is not bad because that comes with the territory of being a HOH. What I don’t like is causing pain to the one I love the most and that is Bobbie. To see the hurt look on her face after spanking or taking things away from her, at times it seems to hurt me almost as much as it hurts her.

Bob