Confession

Urban Dictionary defines confession as to admit guilt. Fess up. To accept responsibility for a crime committed or some other lapse of judgment, sanity, or breach of socially or culturally acceptable conduct.

Should the wife, or for that matter, the husband go to their respective spouses and ask forgiveness for whatever it was that they did? Is it healthy to go to your spouse and tell them what you did even if they didn’t know about it and, if so, how much do you tell them of what went on?

Now I am not saying that you have to confess everything to your spouse because then just about everyone would be too busy telling each other what they did wrong and everything would come to a screeching halt.

My thoughts on what should be confessed about is anything that effects your spouse in his or hers decision-making, when it hurts the relationship, hinders you from moving forward in your relationship or breaking any rule that was agreed upon beforehand.

At first my thoughts on why confessing was so hard was because of the discipline that was going to be meted out as soon as she said what it was that she did. But the more I thought about it and talked to Bobbie and others, in most cases it is all about the disappointment in oneself because she feels like she let herself and her partner down and also the hurt look and disappointing her husband.

When I am knocked down from my not so high lofty place. When I do something wrong that hurts my relationship, I tell myself what an idiot I am. How can I expect Bobbie to follow my lead when I can't even do the same thing and, then as I tell her what happened I can see the hurt, confusion, sorrow and anger all cascade over her face as she listens to my story.

The other reason it is so hard is because of us being ashamed when telling your spouse the same story over and over again of why we failed doing something that was important to the relationship

So you’re probably thinking if they don’t know about it why tell them, I have time to fix this and then they will never know there was a mistake. The simple answer to this question is trust. How can you expect him to lead you down the rough patches of life or handle the finances properly if you are constantly undermining it.

Let’s use a speeding ticket for an example. The police issued you a speeding ticket. You know your husband is going to go through the roof if he finds out about it. So you pay it and he hasn’t a clue of what happened. Now the new insurance bill comes and he sees a sharp increase in the bill. He calls the insurance company thinking that they over charged him and then finds out that it was because of your speeding ticket. You are now forced to pay the higher premium and now have to re-budget to adjust to the new bill.

If this happens enough times how can you be trusted to help him guide the family through life if he has to keep reevaluating the situation from the information that you keep withholding from him. Now he has to always research his facts to see if he has enough resources to accomplish his goals adding extra time and energy to his task of supporting the family.

The benefits of telling your spouse what you did wrong is a great stress release because you have laid it all at his feet. You're not beating yourself up anymore wondering what is going to happen. It no longer becomes your problem but it is now our problem and you realize how much easier it would have been if it had been the two of you all along. This is when you truly find out what your spouse is made of and how much they truly love you as they wrap their arms around you kissing your forehead telling you that all is still well and we will fix it.

Bob