Trying To Hold it Together

As we all can attest we all have our up's and down's in the travels od our lives, this is one of my down peroid times in our TTWD.

There are days when trying to hold everything together just gets too much, today is one of them. Bobbie and me are going through some rough roads together, bickering with our differences on how things should be and how they really are. I want to lead her down a different path than the one we are now I want to spread my wings and I want to fly to soar a bit higher than she does now and as cold as it may sound at this moment I feel like she is holding me back.

As in the previous post in Harmony, were I was talking about moving at the same speed being as one and Expatiations where we are on two different planes of thought and experience.  Well the movement has shifted and we are out of alignment moving ever close and farther apart depending on what heated discussion we are on and I know who is at fault.  Not Bobbie’s she has no idea as of this writing what is going on. She is content, happy where we are so as you guessed, I am the culprit who is in error and I haven’t found my way out of the maze of want and wishing. They are keeping me from looking for the right formula to get ourselves back into alignment so we have gone backwards a few (a lot) of steps.

My expatiations are rising and I am getting antsy, I got the itch that I want more I am hungry to explore new things, I think and breathe DD. While this is going on I have been distant, I have gone to my faraway place, a safe haven, a place that I go to think, I lose myself in thoughts, incomplete writings that will never see their full potential and as you, my lady friends in blog land call it “way over thinking it.” I think that this is something like what you women go through when you want more spankings or your HOH to take more control over you?

Although Bobbie does not know about my mood she can sense it, she knows something is up because she knows me so well. So, I know I have to tell her what is going on because I would expect the same from her to openly tell me what is going on.

I can picture the expression on her face when I tell her what is going on with me, the first reaction is going to be that it is her fault and then she is going to say but I can try harder. How can one fix something when it is not their fault? I cannot nor will I accept her to try anything that she is not ready for what kind of man would I be to take advantage of the situation and possibly destroying the greatest gift she has given me her trust.

So by the time you read this Bobbie will know what is bothering me and we will talk about it and probably  even come up with a solution on how to correct our my free fall.

I know how to fix it, I have to get my head out a**, quit wishing it were different because it isn’t and I have to come back to reality that we are still growing and start walking slow just like a little child would. Then as we grow into this TTWD, we will be able to run with the big kids. The most important thing is that or arms won’t be so tired stretching out to the max while holding onto one another and keeping our eyes on each other so we don’t get totally lost.

 

Bob