Expatiations

 

 

When I first approached Bobbie with a DD relationship, she looked at me as if martin’s has just landed on earth and asked her to have their babies. After she finely stopped running and came back home we didn’t talk about it for a few years, oh we played some spanking games but nothing serious. About 3 years ago, I once again approached her about having a DD relationship, this time she didn’t run, but she listened to what I really was saying. Like everyone else in the world, we were having issues on how we were treating each other so we talked about what our goals were and we went into a binding agreement to have a DD lifestyle.

After we talked about our wants and needs, we talked about what our expatiations were for this new lifestyle to work. The first couple of weeks was great it was like being on a honeymoon no arguing, loving and finding no faults in what we were doing.

As time went on I started to notice that Bobbie wasn’t conducting herself like I thought she should, she was doing it differently. So like a good HOH I told her so, well as you can imagine that didn’t go well for either of us, words were said, threats were made and those dam walls started to up and we started to go back to the way we were.   

After repeating the above scenario a few times, I took a leave of absence and quietly went into an analytical mode replaying everything that went on between us trying to find out why she was sabotaging my authority (sounds real HOH’Y doesn’t it) J I found out that it was not Bobbie’s fault but it all rested on my shoulders. What I found out was that my expatiations were different than hers, once I figured that out, I started to think of why my expatiations was so different than Bobbie’s, I mean we were working for the same purpose right?

Here is what I came up with, I have been dreaming, thinking of this day happening like almost forever and how I wanted it to all go down, it was constantly being played out in my head, be it fantasy or reality and at times it was a mixture of the two. Bobbie on the other hand had her own version of how she wanted to do this, she was running with the information that we talked about and was trying to make this her own too.

When she didn’t do something the way I thought it should be done, I thought that she didn’t want to do it; she was going through the motions just to make me happy doesn’t that sound familiar?.

What I figured out through intense psychotherapy with me on the couch and Bobbie sitting in the chair, was that I am at a different level than she is; an example would be a brown belt in karate and a yellow belt trying to do the same technical moves. When the brown belt practices his moves, he expects the yellow belt to be at the same level as him and the same fluent moves that he has and we have seen enough karate movies to know how that is going to turn out, not good at all.

Just because I have a bigger passion for DD, that does not mean that Bobbie’s passion is any less than mine, hers is not as intense as mine is because she doesn’t eat live breath DD as I do. She may not care that much for details, she still gets the job done, but it may not be the same way that I would have envisioned it. Her mentality of DD is not the same as mine, and that is where the problem is. We have to figure out how to get to the same level as our partner; one has to move up while the other moves down a bit until they both reach the same level and then there can be in harmony with each other.

By me lowering my standards in what I expect in DD, does that mean we will get less of an experience in DD I don’t think so because how is she going to learn if I don’t explain it properly to her. I have to get to her level to explain it to her that way I can insure that she is not being set up for failure. As time goes by, I can keep bringing her up to where I am now.

 

At the same time, I too am learning to hone in on my communication skills and if I am smart enough by watching Bobbie’s expressions to learn her body language and then we can both benefit from this at the same time.

So now that we know what the problem is did we fix them and live happily ever after? Well no, we still fall short of being perfect but I realize now why things are the way they are.

We have to continually communicate with each other about what we are feeling, what’s not working, improve what is already working and then maybe just maybe when all the stars line up properly, we will get it right but we also have to remember to enjoy what we have how far and above all else enjoy what we have created.

 

Bob