Submission

I was searching for some info and I came upon this article about what submission is and is not, I thought it had some excellent points. What do you think?

What Submission Is Not

“Do you think I am submissive to my husband?” I asked nearly two hundred young college women during a seminar on preparing for marriage. We all had a good chuckle over their negative responses. One said I was “too tall” to be submissive, and another said I “talked too much!” What crippled ideas we have concerning the meaning of submission.

Not many years ago I had to grapple with the question of submission to my husband, and it wasn’t a joke. Could a strong-willed, dominant person such as I am submit? In high school I had been a leader, team captain, director, manager, and supervisor of nearly everything there was to lead, direct, manage, or supervise. Was this what I wanted for my marriage? Somehow I had to come to grips with the overall concept of what it means to be a submissive wife in a supportive relationship.

My study revealed that a doormat wife was just as far from God’s ideas as is the henpecked husband. Neither extreme was ever intended for a complete marriage. The Christian direction is for mutual submission, but at the point of conflict the wife is encouraged to submit, adapt, or yield. This, however, does not mean that a wife remains silent, leaving everything to the discretion of her husband. If she feels she has an insight or special understanding of a matter, she is obligated to share this with her husband so that he can take her opinions into his decision. If she withholds her feelings and knowledge on the matter, she is being less than submissive, for she has not given a willing response.

Submission does not mean helplessly depending on a man by refusing to accept responsibility or making decisions when necessary. A wife has her obligations and should remain free to carry them out. When decisions need to be made, she checks out her plans with her husband and assumes responsibility from that point on. If he is not available to consult, she acts in accordance with her best judgment.

Nor is submission servility. A wife who perceives her husband’s judgment as wrong or disastrous to the family’s welfare should tell him so –with respect, but firmly and honestly. If an issue arises and a wife says, “Do whatever you think is right, dear, “and never offers an opinion even when she sees that her husband is heading for trouble, she is not submissive, but foolishly servile.

Blind obedience isn’t the answer either. A woman who accepts an inferior position to her husband will lose his respect. Likely she has already lost respect for herself or will soon do so when she does not allow herself to be a real person. An intelligent husband does not want a doormat.

The extremes of silence, helpless dependency, servility, and blind obedience are not attributes found in a supportive wife. A supportive wife possesses dignity, opinions, and spunk, but she also respects and responds to her husband’s supportive leadership.

What Submission Is

A submissive wife will willingly adapt her own rights to those of her husband, but how does this idea actually work in a supportive relationship? How far can a woman go in pushing her rights?

My husband expects to hear from me on major issues involving the family, and if I say nothing, he knowssomething is dreadfully wrong. If he makes a definite decision regarding the matter, I usually accept it, if for any reason I feel that he hasn’t considered all the angles, I will push a little further. At this point he may change his viewpoint, but if he gives me a flat no, I do my best to accept it. Other times I might be so outspoken as to say, “You may think you are right from your point of view, but I’m right from mine!” we may never agree on his decision, but I feel better because I can express my opinions. This freedom of expression is part of a supportive relationship too.

The adaptiveness required in submission is actually an attitude before it becomes an act. It isn’t a matter of mechanical obedience but a positive inner attitude. A wife might bend to every wish of her husband, but submission means willinglyadapting to the right of the other. So if it isn’t done willingly, it isn’t true submission. Underneath all her apparent compliance, she might be nursing insidious hurts and resentment that are stockpiling into a major case of bitterness. Sooner or later such rebellion will burst into the open and must be dealt with.

A submissive attitude will not stifle a woman’s personality, or any personality for that matter. Instead, it provides the best atmosphere for creativity and individuality to express itself in a wholesome way. God wants us to fully express His gifts to us of intelligence, insight, and common sense. Everyone’s personhood in a compleat marriage must be preserved at all costs.

Another aspect of submission is respect. A husband’s and wife’s respect for one another sets an example to the children. Fathers and mothers strive to teach their children cheerful obedience, but their training will be effective only when children see their parents leading the way.

Sometimes one spouse or the other is totally unaware of how many times in how many ways he or she is breaking down respect for the other. The mother may say, “Dad is boss,” but deep in her heart she knows this is not true, for she generally does as she pleases if there is a conflict of wills.

Children quickly notice when we fail to practice what we preach, if they see that Mother and Dad practice mutual respect, such an example cannot fail but to influence them. Every child needs a hero. A mother can help her children think of their father in this light rather than the Six Million DollarMan. Her attitude toward her husband will count in the children’s eyes.

“The noted criminal judge Samuel Liebowitz says, “If mothers would understand that much of their importance lies in building up the father-image for the child, they would achieve the deep satisfaction of children who turn out well. ‘Perhaps, then, he suggests, she would not have to stand before him in juvenile court with tears in her eyes to say those words he hears so often: ‘What did I do that was wrong, Judge—what did I do that was wrong?’ On the basis of his long experience, the judge offers a nine-word principle for reducing juvenile delinquency—‘Put father back at the head of the family’” (J. Allen Peterson, The Marriage Affair, p. 72).

A supportive wife will encourage even feeble attempts at leadership by showing her appreciation. When her husband makes a suggestion, she can decide to accept it graciously even if she doesn’t feel like it. Chances are she would have accepted the suggestion if someone other than her husband had made it. If a wife’s attention and appreciation reinforce her husband’s attempts at leadership, he will want to try again.

http://harhis23.hubpages.com/hub/The-Meaning-of-Submission-in-Marriage