New Toys for Christmas

 

 

 

All is quiet at the Vader Bob and Bobbie household. Everyone here, believe it or not, is a happy camper. Even Walter is happy. He has only been scowling at me and not saying much. So, not having much to do, I sit here pondering the fate on how to aggravate my friends. Not just any friends mind you,but our spanking friends.

As I rummage through my mind about the normal things to give like wooden spoons, spatulas, paint sticks and other household weapons of a** destruction, I was mentally checking them off as I was thinking of them in my mind.

After that exercise in futility, I drew a big blank, then suddenly a ray of light came through the window blinding me. I started to get up and I saw the rope lights that we put on the Christmas tree and I suddenly had the Idea of the perfect gift. I was so shocked by the idea that I had to sit down and catch my breath.

Bobbie looked at me with concern because she knew it meant one of two things were going to happen. One, I was going to suggest going to the cone of silence and she wanted no part of it; and two, that I had come up with a gift idea for our spanko friends. Looking at me with trepidation and standing close to the outside door ready to book out of Dodge City at the drop of a dime, she asked me are you ok?  

Me, smiling like a loon, speaking fast, I found the perfect gift. In fact I don’t think anyone has even thought of it. It is ingenious of me to think of it. I told Bobbie about my idea and the smile that came across her face was priceless. She told me you know that they may never talk to you again as we both laughed evilly.

Why are all of you looking at me like that? Oh! Ha! Ha! I haven’t told you what it is yet. Silly me. The toy that I was talking about is the glow sticks that you buy the kids at carnivals. You shake them up and they glow for hours. It amuses the heck out of the kids. Just think of the fun you can have with your tih over the knee, couch, chair heck even slightly bent over striking her lightly at first to see what kind of sting it produces and just think of all the ouches and darn you's that you will elicit from her.


I know some of you nay sayers out there are saying bad Bob I don't like stingy implements. But have no fear I have that covered too, because you can get the big brother glow stickst hat you use for walking at night. Now you too can enjoy the same pleasures that your fellow tih’s are enjoying. Aren’t you happy I thought of you too?

As you can see this has opened up a whole new way to play spanking games. For example, for the hunter, the tih can either have the small glow in the dark bracelet while the HOH has the big glow stick. Set her free to go hide and after a set amount of time the HOH would go looking for his tih. Will he be stealthy looking for his prey? Or will he try to flush her out by calming by saying he knows where she is and hoping she will give her position away and if he finds her he can give her a set number of spanks for getting caught.


For the sport minded person, you can compete against your friends as to who will have the bragging rights to how many spanks that were given or taken. Same rules as above apply, but put the game on a time limit and the one with the most spanks given or received is the winner. Make it real fun and have trophies or plaques that the winner can take home till the following year.

But oh why oh why stop there! If you let your imagination run wild as I have done, you can come up with more exciting games using the glow in the dark technology. You have markers, paint and tape to name a few.

For the HOH artist out there you have the indelible markers, you can have your tih bend over or lie on the bed very still of course so you can use your artistic abilities and paint some fabulous targets on her backside. But why stop there. You can make a whole glow in the dark landscape along with trees and buildings too. Now the challenge would be to see if you could set the buildings aflame. As always please have a fire extinguisher handy in case the fire goes out of control.

Not artistic? No problem. You can design a fireplace nothing elaborate just an open rectangle and draw some wood in it and voila you have a fireplace. But now the fun starts. Since it is cold outside wouldn’t it be nice to start a fire for your tih? Take that paddle and show her your survival skills? That by applying two objects together you can start a fire? Now the both of you will be nice and toasty.

Glow in the dark duct tape is another wonderful product that you can let your imagination go wild. You can wrap it around the paddle so you will never lose it in the dark again.Or you can frame your tih’s backside and turn off all the lights and well you know what to do.

I am sure that this is just the tip of the iceberg in what can be done with glow in the dark technology. What are some of the ideas that you have come up with that I have missed?

 These would make great stocking stuffers too. Just think of the fun and squeals of joy you would hear from your partner when they open them up.






Bob

Dating On The Internet

As the internet gets bigger and bigger more people are looking towards it as a dating service for the means of meeting and hopefully under the right circumstances met Mister or Miss right. This tool like everything else could be used for good or it could be used for bad.

Bobbie and I frequently visit the ADDS chat room maintained by MRBBSpanker, he has given us, a core group of people that meet a couple of times a week free rein on how to control the chat room with the one stipulation that we have to keep it as a DD chat room and not to use it as a dating service. He pops in every once in a while to see how we are doing then disappears into cyber space doing other things that he needs to do.

There has been a flux of single women that have come into the chat room to see what we are all about. As we talk to them and get to know them some talk about their experiences with dating on the internet looking for potential partners. Few of the women have it together and understand the ways of the internet and take certain precautions in protecting themselves. Others, well they don’t have a clue as to what to do and they don’t understand the dangers of what could happen in cyber land.

This post is in no way the definitive way of doing things as situations change and so should the participant to be ever vigilant into being alert and safe at all times. This is my thought on how to be safe and from doing research from other blogs of people that have done this type of thing before. Before you even think about searching for a new mate, you should have a game plan on how you are going to move forward in this new endeavor.

First thing is to know who you are. By this I mean who are you, what is it that you are looking for in a relationship, and what are your needs that are non-negotiable that is a must for this to work. Then think of your wants, what is it that you would like to have but that are not deal breakers and once you have figured that out write it down. This is what you are going to base your whole quest on.

Now that you have written a list of what are deal breakers and what is not. Do the same for the type of guy you are looking for. List everything that you want in a guy. Yes I know it sounds like a shopping list and in a way it is after all you are shopping for a partner. Make two columns and list them as must haves and would like to have but can do without.

Before you do anything else you have to have a support group and that is you need to have one or more friend know what you plan on doing and find out if it is ok to use them as a safety net. By this I mean when it is time to meet your date can he/she man the phones and keep a vigil going for your safety.

When you first set up your date you, are going to give your chosen person all the information of where, when, how and at what time you are going to meet that person. You are going to have two safe words. One word saying that you are ok and the other that you are in danger. Make sure your friend understands that she is to call the police if you don’t call at a certain time or if you use the safe word indicating that something is wrong.

When you write your profile tell the person a bit about yourself but do not divulge any personal information. Keep it as general as possible and keep it honest. Don’t tell them you’re into skydiving if you’re afraid of flying.

Pick the dating service that you are going to use. Some you will have to pay for and some are free and then read the fine print before you sign the contract. I know it is boring but you will need to know how they are going to handle your information, who and how they will see your information, how many hits you are allowed before they charge you more money.

Now that all that is done your profile is out there and you have some prospects to consider and then bounce around. See what they say and bounce it off that list you made about your wants and needs. Does what he said on his profile come close to what you want? No? Put him aside and move on to the next letter.

You hit the jackpot! After several emails back and forth, he seems like a great guy that you want to meet. But before you do, ask him for his driver’s license, address and his cell number that he can be reached at. If he balks at the idea then tell him thanks but no thanks and end all contacts with him, he is not being honest and could be hiding something. Set the time and place that is agreeable for the two of you and put all that in a packet and give to your friend, go over it with them make sure the both of you understand the passwords and the exact time that you are to call.

Do not accept a ride from him on your first date. On the day you are supposed to meet him get there an hour earlier and park your car away from the meeting place. Go into the restaurant and make small talk with the waitress so that she will remember you just in case something goes wrong.

When your date arrives enjoy yourself and at the appointed time tell him you have to make a phone call to your friend and then call her and give her the password telling her that everything is either fine or not so good.

When it is time to leave say your goodbyes and let him leave first. Tell him you have some errands to do or that you are meeting a friend here to go shopping. Either way let him go first wait 20 minutes then you can do whatever you want to do. In the same breath be aware of your surroundings.The reason for this is so that he can’t follow you home if for some reason the date didn’t go so well. You don’t want him on your door step one day.

Yes this sounds like a lot of wasted time and steps but I would rather see you waste time than be sorry that you have a potential stalker on your hands.

A lot of people have found true love on the internet and many people have been hurt by it also. So use it wisely and I hope that you find the person that you are looking for but above all else please be carful and watch your back.


Bob

10 Reasons Mother Gothel Would Make A Good HOH

 

 

1. Motivated: I took you, to protect you. Everything that I did was to protect... YOU You know why I keep you in this tower? Yes to keep you safe.                                                                                                                   

2. Supportive: Mother knows best. Take it from your mumsy. On your own you won't survive. Sloppy, underdressed, Immature, clumsy, Please! They'll eat you up alive! How you manage to do that every single day, without fail? It looks absolutley exhausting darling. Rapunzel: Oh... it's nothing. Mother Gothel: Then I don't know why it takes so long?                                           

3. Caring: Look in that mirror. I see a strong, confident, beautiful young lady.
[Rapunzel smiles]
Oh look, you're here too. : Don't be dummy, come to mummy.

4. Helpful: I really did try Rapunzel, I tried to warn you what was out there. The world is dark and selfish and cruel. If it finds even the slightest ray of sunshine, it destroys it! Likes you? Please, Rapunzel, that's demented! This is why you never should have left! Dear, this whole romance that you've invented Just proves you're too naive to be here.                                                                       

5. Playful: Rapunzel, please, stop with the mumbling. You know how I feel about the mumbling. Blah blah blah blah blah, it's very annoying! I'm just teasing, you're adorable. I love you so much, darling.

6. Can be Firm: You want me to be the bad guy? Fine. [Advances toward Rapunzel threateningly]
   Now I'm the bad guy... “Rapunzel, don’t ever ask to leave this tower again We're going home, Rapunzel. Now                                                       

7. Protective: Rapunzel? Rapunzel, what's going on up there? Are you alright? Now, Now. It's alright. Listen to me. Everything is as it should be. Mother how did you find me? Well it was easy really. I just listened for the sound of complete and utter betrayal and followed that.

8. Communicates well Why would he like you? Come on now, really. Look at you-you think that he's impressed? Oh Rapunzel, did you even hear yourself? Why would ask such a ridiculous question?\ Dear, this whole romance that you've invented / Just proves you're too naive to be here

9. Loving: Rapunzel: I met someone. Yes. The wanted thief, I'm so proud. Oh well. C'est la vie. Enjoy your crown!

10.Truthful: No? Oh. I see how it is. Rapunzel knows best; Rapunzel's so mature now. Such a clever grown-up miss. Rapunzel knows best. Fine, if you're so sure now, Go ahead and give him this, The outside world is a dangerous place, filled with horror and selfish people” 

Bob                                                                                                             
 

.

Super Hero

Do you feel important at work where you are the go to guy/woman that they call upon to go into the workplace and slay the dragons that are plaguing the office or the IT team and when you come home you run your household the same way with such efficiency?

Are you the homeowner who always has it under control the perfect hostess who has an immaculate house, says just the right thing at the right time to fix whatever the family needs? You try to please everyone all the time by being the showcase TIH?

Then you are what I call the Super HOH and Super TIH who in the eyes of the lesser beings (newbies) look up to you in wonder wishing they could be like that. ZAP! You just stopped your wife from having a major melt down. POW! You put off your lunch with your mother to do some errands for your husband because he is too busy being needed elsewhere. BANG! Both of you struggle to clean the house after you do your flashy stunts for the masses. Like in the comic books we super heroes look… well super. We got it all together but do we really have it together?

Like all Super heroes we have a nemesis who is called time. For you see in order to be this super hero we have to give something up and what that is depends on what type of super hero you are but we all have the same down fall. Time does not stand still for anyone. It keeps on ticking and moving at an ever constant pace not caring what we do at any given time. In order for us to be super heroes we knowingly and sometimes unknowingly have to give up something to keep our persona up of being the perfect HOH or TIH.

Another nemesis is “I can do that”. This evil doer is subtle. He knows how to make you feel important while he is working hand in hand with Time using “I can do that” together making you think you’re doing a great job.

Let’s travel to the mythical Domestic Discipline city Villa where Vader Bob and his sidekick Bobbie live with Walter their sometime butler. What we see is a couple that is totally together. They are suave, sophisticated, and they say all the right things. They are cool. Everyone wants to be like them (this is my story and can tell it how I want LOL). They try to give back to the DD community as it has helped them when they were learning the ropes.

We see Bobbie and she has an immaculate house, everything is in place, the laundry is all done her dad is a happy camper she is keeping Vader Bob happy and she is in chat talking to friends and when someone new comes in she greets them answering question when applicable. As we watch her more closely, we notice things are slipping a bit. She is not holding it together like we thought.

If we look in the closet we see clothes that need to be folded and put away. Dinner is late because she was talking to a friend who was having problems or she was trying to fold cloths because her husband told her she has been slacking off and needs to get her act together or else. Because she doesn’t know how to say no to her friends or complete what she has promised she gets mad at her hubby because now he is upset that he don’t have underwear to wear so the arguments start.

First it is a remark under her breath but as the day goes on she gets madder and starts saying more than she should have. Now it is a full blown argument and the final recourse is a spanking to reset her attitude.   

Now let’s travel to Vader Bob’s work place. We see him at the top of his game being the trouble shooter for his IT department barking orders to save the day. He is smiling while he works long hours because he is thinking that by him working all these hours he is helping Bobbie be more comfortable in running her household but he notices that when he comes home little things such as the house not being as clean as it was when he was working normal hours.

When Vader Bob comes home he is not greeted at the door like he used to be. Now he is greeted by the dogs. While having dinner he notices she is on edge. She don’t smile like she used to, so he goes into super hero mode trying to fix her problems but missing the boat because he never realized what was really wrong was he was AWOL from the family because he is working long hours.

That she had to take up the slack of making all the decisions on top of her own chores to take care of the household.

Yes being a super hero is tough. But you know what I have found out? I don’t have to be a super hero to everybody. Just the ones I love and those friends that are like family to us, those are the ones that matter the most. I have found out that when I am a super hero to everyone that is when my arch enemy Time and “I Can Do It” has control over me because he has convinced me to give up valuable time away from my family.

I am also learning to control Time to make it do my bidding. By prioritizing things that are the most important then working down from there and that may even mean that something’s may not get done by the end of the day but I will know in the eyes of my family I am able to leap over dust bunnies in a single bound and able to carry heavy clothes basket up the stairs for my wife while I struggle to figure out the new math with the kids and when the day is done and standing proud with my cape flapping in the breeze knowing I am a super hero to my family.

 

  

Bobbie, Walter and I would like to wish your family a happy and safe Thanksgiving.



Also our cyber family would also like to wish you a safe and great Thanksgiving (yes most of the characters are all friends that we have made along our DD journey)

Cone of Silence II

I want to give you an update on the room code name the cone of silence. It has been about 2 months now since we have built it and we thought we would give you an update. We are happy to say it was a huge success and we have never been more pleased with any project that we have built before, this is our masterpiece the cream de la cream.

This is the most used room in the house when we want to get away from Walter. It is also a place to go if we want to get away from each other too. Yes ladies and gentlemen the cone of silence has become our safe haven. A place to get away from our real life problems.

But sad to say we have detected a problem. An Achilles heel defect so to speak. Not with the cone of silence but with Walter. Who would have thought he would find a way to torment us and chuckling evilly at us having a good time at our expense, neither we nor any of our friends on line, foresaw what would happen to us.

What is the problem you ask? Have a seat grab the box of tissues on the table over there by the coffee and wine because it is a real tear jerker. The one problem that we never thought about was Walter and his super sharp mind. Yes this is the same person we thought we outsmarted because he couldn’t hear us while in the basement for you see he is catching on to what we are doing.

The first month was great. Around 8 p.m. or so we would grab a couple of towels and tell him we were going to take a shower and we would be back later. An hour or so later we would come up with huge smiles on our faces giggling and laughing like two young teenagers in love then sitting close to each other to watch TV with him and he was never the wiser.

If we needed to talk privately, one of us would say honey would you mind helping me get the laundry or can you help me do this or that and off we go to the cone of silence and settle our differences. But then after the first month and a half he started to figure out some things because we were getting a little complacent in our approach to him.

One day after we got done with our showers he started to make little comments like you two take a lot of showers. At first we were able to skirt around the barb by saying no we don’t take that many showers and as time went by you could see his chest puff out slightly saying “you stay down there a lot what are you doing down there?”  

We would nervously say "no we don't stay down there alot " but we could tell he was getting into his hound dog mode. When he knows he is on to something he starts to ask questions when he thinks something is amiss.

Now he boldly mocks us with a strong loud voice “you two should look like prunes.” Or now his favorite is “Is that gills I see behind the ears?" We just look at each other say nothing and sit down quickly snickering like kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

Another time we had a dispute to settle and I said "honey will you help me get the laundry?"

Bobbie knowing something was up immediately said "I don't think there is any thing to bring up sweetie"

As we debated if the laundry needed to be brought up Walter piped in “will the two of you shut the hell up so I can watch TCM.” 

Well that ended the debate and both of us hurriedly went down to the laundry room also known as the pit of despair. You ask what the pit of despair is? It is the laundry room and storage area of our basement and it seems to eat things that we put down there. It is like a black hole. We put things down there on a table or shelf and when we go back down a week or so later to get it, it disappears from sight. It’s like little gremlins take what we put down there and hide it on us. Our standing joke is that if Walter is looking for something we automatically tell him it is in the basement and we don’t know where it is at. After we settled our disagreement we went upstairs and again Walter with his best grimace ever said "I thought you went to get the laundry? You know I only have ten pair of underwear left . And what in the world are you doing down there any way and where is that blasted remote control?"

We love Walter. We love him a lot. His body may not be what it used to be but his mind is sharp and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. So now we have something to try to outwit and that is the mind of Walter.

Bob

 

10 Reasons Why Darth Vader Would Have Been A Good HOH

Not much is going on in the Bob and Bobbie household so I thought I would have a little fun with my anti-hero Darth Vader.



1. He had a plan, was committed and consistent.

2. He never hesitated to discipline his colleagues when needed

3. He led by example never breaking the rules.

4. He wanted to see the Evil Empire grow.

5. He had very good communication skills.

6. He helps whenever he can




 7. He was always making others excel in their work



8. He practiced what he preached.

9. He was loyal



10. He had one heck of a cane












Bob


 

Love Our Lurker Day

 

Welcome to my blog my fellow lurkers! This day has been set aside just for you to let you know how much we appreciate you reading our blogs. I once was like you. I never thought I had anything to add because all I did was read.

But I stopped by PK's blog New Beginning to read a Fantasy Friday Story. She had a simple request at the end of the story that she hosted. Reaching out to us lurker's she asked us if you never posted on this site please leave a comment even if it is to say hi. That was the first time I said something on line. She sent a response back to me saying how thrilled she was that I had written something

This community has taken me under their wings and taught me how to blog and supported me when I was the new kid on the block. Telling everyone that I had opened up shop and to stop by and to say hi. 

 

So I am doing my part to give back to the community. I am offering an extended hand and saying welcome brother and sister Lurker's to my blog. All I ask is that you leave a comment even if it is just a simple hi nothing more.

Bob

 

The vanilla lifestyle vs. DD lifestyle

There is one question that keeps coming up on my blog and in some of the other DD blogs and chat sites that I visit from time to time. The question is “Why did we go the DD route when the Vanilla Lifestyle offers the same thing?” At first I blew it off as a question that was asked to confuse the issue and then the more I thought about it I felt they had a valid point in their question.

The quick answer to the question above is because I like to spank Bobbie and she has to listen to me. There, the question was answered. Simple. Quick. I am happy and I like to think that the person asking the question would be happy with or at least complacent about the answer.

But that darn question started to play in my head over and over. Why did I pick DD over a non-kink lifestyle? What was the draw of why we ended up in a DD relationship? Why did Bobbie go along with my non-conventional lifestyle? Before I answer those questions I would like to compare the two very much alike but very different lifestyles.

As you read the difference between the two life styles please keep in mind this is a very simplistic view on this very complex relationship and I did not throw into the mix children, work, parents and other outside forces that would affect the couple’s relationship.

The Vanilla Lifestyle

You have to have at least two people to participate for this to work. This is something one person, for obvious reasons, cannot do. Both people must care very much about each other and want to see each other succeed in whatever they do.

There is communication. In the beginning both parties talk to each other informing the other what is going on in the day to day activities. This is new and exciting and you want to let your partner know what is happening. As time goes by, they may not talk to each other for days at a time. Oh they say things but mostly small talk. They probably don’t want to say something to hurt the others feelings or they just don’t want to hear it so they keep quiet.

There is love: Both love each other immensely. They care for their spouse very much but as the years go by they are comfortable with each other almost like roommates. They still care but the touching and that talking sweetly in their ear is fading. Sex happens less and less. You don’t have the time because you are involved in other things.

Order of things: It is whoever steps up to the plate at that particular moment. If there is a decision being made, no one answers to the other. They make decisions on their own not consulting the other thus starting little fights because they didn’t know what was going on. You start to do things apart not checking in to see what the plans are or if it is even ok if they do it at all.

Arguing: You argue over things that may or may not matter but what does matter is the way they fight. It doesn’t matter who is right or who is wrong. The main event in this game is who is going to win. Who has the best offense or defense to prove their case. There are lawyers out there that would be envious of the way they tear down the other person to prove that they are wrong.

Knowing each other: when you first meet your spouse you can’t get enough of your partner. You want to know everything about them. This carries into the early stages of marriage and you still want to know about your partner but as time goes by again you get comfortable with each other and that learning curve lessens till it just goes away. How many times have we heard a couple say after many years of marriage I didn’t know they didn’t like that?

The Domestic Discipline Lifestyle    

Again you have to have two people very much in love. This is something one person for obvious reasons cannot do. Both people care very much about each other and want to see each other succeed in whatever they do. But this time they are willingly going to take an active role in what the other person is doing.

There is communication. They actively try to inform one another of what is happening in and around their lives. They do this by setting a time during the week where they can talk to each other informing one other what is going on in their day to day activities. They talk about things that are affecting them in their lives in and outside of the marriage. Questions are asked and answers are given. They may not talk to each other for days at a time but when they do they set a designated time aside so that they can talk about things that are going on that their partner is unaware of it. 

There is love: Both love each other immensely. They care for their spouse very much but there is a spark that is always alive. Even in bed you want to please your partner. You want to give them your best. As they learn about each other through their communication meetings, they help each other out because they want to spend more time with each other. They know that they may be struggling in a certain area and they pitch in to help their partner and this starts a chain reaction of the couple helping each other whenever they can

Order of things: The HOH is the head of the household. He has final say in what goes on in their household. This does not mean he doesn’t take into consideration what his spouse said at all. He takes her opinion very seriously but it is his decision on which way he is going to lead his family.

Arguing: Yes it is in this lifestyle too. The difference is there is respect when talking to each other. Each one presents their case and if there is an error in the person’s judgment then there is an apology and life carries on. Most of the time the person can no longer say fine, I don’t want to talk about it because the other partner will pursue it even if they have to wait for a later time or day. 

Knowing each other: you actively pursue your partner to know them better. This happens through communication, arguing and just being together, and helping each other out because now you are vested in that person. Somehow you want to be with them more and you want to also please them. 

Correction: This may or may not be in a DD lifestyle but more than likely it is. If the tih does something that is against the rules that they had discussed beforehand then she is disciplined. Again in a fashion that was agreed upon in their talks.

So why did we pick this lifestyle instead of the vanilla lifestyle? Is it better than the other lifestyle? No of course not. Both offer a magnitude of opportunities for a couple to get closer to make their lives richer and fuller than ever before. As I see it there are only two differences between a DD and a vanilla lifestyle. 1. There is one leader; 2. There is discipline in the household. Everything else is pretty much the same.

I chose this lifestyle because it forces me to be proactive in our relationship. I have to pay attention to Bobbie on what she is doing and what she is feeling. We communicate more. We have learned to express ourselves in how we feel and what is bothering us. We can no longer pretend that we didn’t know or don’t care what happens because we now have each other to answer to.

As for the discipline, yes Bobbie gets disciplined for doing something wrong not because she is a child or that I am better than her. These are problems that she needs help on and she wants to be held accountable for her actions. So when rules or guide lines have been breached, we have agreed that she loses some personal privileges such as computer time and reading her books.

I am the HOH in our household and this title does not mean that I can lord my authority over her. My responsibility is to provide a safe, sane and happy environment for Bobbie, It also means that if there has to be a judgment call I have final say on how the family unit will move forward but I don’t take her advice lightly. We talk and talk some more before we forge forward. I want to see her succeed in whatever it is that she does and I will do whatever is in my power to make it so. I want her to smile be safe and loved.

I am the tih of our household and the reason I agreed to this type of relationship over the vanilla one is because we talk more about what is going on in my life and that he is trying to see to my needs. I also like the way he makes me feel wanted by taking care of me providing me a safe place to be. I have the peace of mind that he has my best interest in mind. Although at times we don’t see eye to eye on some things, he doesn’t just say things to keep me happy. The closeness is wonderful and we spend more time together and he helps me whenever he can. He is always asking me what I want and need. We seem to want to please each other more. I find that I can go to him with any problem and he may get angry but will never make me feel less than what I am.

As for the discipline, I agreed to it because there are things that I would like to change about myself and although he takes things away from me it is as the last resort.

The above description of the vanilla lifestyle was us and it served us very well because after all we lived in it for 30+ years before going to a DD relationship. With this relationship there were no checks and balances for us. We did our own thing and didn’t find out there was trouble until it was too late.

But now that we are in a DD relationship we are the same people as before except now there is a sense of order in what we do. But what it does do that the vanilla relationship does not do is that it forces us to actively participate with the each other. We have to pay attention to our surroundings. We now have one leader not two, we no longer work for ourselves. We work as a team keeping each other informed in the things that matter.

 

Bob

The Downfall of A HOH

There are many things that can go wrong in a DD relationship. One of the problems I am going to talk about is why when the HOH is riding so high in the zenith of our DD relationship we falter and our foundation starts to crack and then problems start to show up in our relationship.

When we are doing well we tend to get lax in the way we handle and see things around us. We get complacent. We are fat and happy thinking that we have it all under control. We tend to forget our responsibilities of why we were doing this in the first place. Because we are doing so well we convince ourselves that we don’t have to intervene in what our tih is doing. Saying to ourselves she knows better and she will monitor herself as needed like she has done in the past while I was watching and it is on her head if she continues to backslide. 

Sometimes when we get caught with our fingers in the cookie jar not doing what we say we are going to do, we slack off on our duties. Turning a blind eye on a problem because a game is on, too tired, or just don’t want to deal with it and the list goes on and on. Then we get upset when we are told that we are not playing by the same rules or if we are bold enough we unwisely tell them that we are not accountable to them because we didn’t bring this to them. You did so we don’t have to abide by the rules.

Another problem that can lead the HOH to DD ruins is the belief that the HOH is always the leader. What you say, did I read that right? No it is not a typo but this has two sides to it. One side is that he is the leader and it is his responsibility in whatever goes on in his realm of their DD relationship he is the captain of his ship everything that happens is laid at his feet but he is not the leader of everything.

A good leader knows his weakness and he also knows his strengths. A good leader will delegate his power and have others do it for him. An example would be if the tih is better at finances because she is a CPA than he is. Why on earth would he attempt to do it himself when the tih is more than capable of doing it for him. This does not relieve him of his leadership in fact it enhances it because he now can concentrate on other pressing projects that needs his attention.

Even when doing this he is still in control because like a CEO checking in with his subordinates in a board meeting, so will the HOH when he has their weekly communication sit downs and then at his option he can check in with the tih to make sure that everything is alright by asking to see the check book and the bank statements. He has not shrugged off his duties because he still has an active role in what the tih does.

When we see someone do something with ease, we have to remember all the hours of practice that it took them to get there and all the practice that they will still have to do to maintain that precision. It makes no difference in maintaining our DD relationship once we get to where we are happy with it. It will still take a lot of work to keep it like that because we will have to continually think of better ways of improving our relationship with our life long partner.


Bob

Evil Hormones

When the hormones are correctly working and evenly balanced, life is good for all involved. The husband is happy and the wives are at peace with the world, but when the hormones are off, look out world. The gentle kind woman that we love is now a raging uncontrollable mad woman. She is a force to sit up and avoid at all costs.

When we were first married and I experienced this event first hand, it really scared the hell out of me to see this kind woman all of a sudden become a woman possessed with her head spinning around and spiraling out of control. I felt as if I was the priest in the Exorcist with little faith holding a cross in one hand and holy water in the other, walking into the bedroom seeing Bobbie tied to the bed post her eyes rolled behind her head laughing manically and facing the demons that have taken residence in Bobbie’s body.  Not a pretty picture is it, (Well Bobbie tied to the bed post, yes)
thus the fighting and arguing started. As the years gone by, I learned to ignore her and left her to her vices because in a few days she would be her sweet normal adorable self again.

Fast forward decades later. We found DD and started to implement it into our lifestyle and the honeymoon was great. There was peace and happiness in the Vader household. Then came the evil imbalance of the hormones Bobbie spinning like a top, ranting and raving about all things that she perceives as evil and wrong mainly with me. Then with excitement the new super hero HOH (me) jumps in with both feet thinking I can now control the beast and then quickly resorted back to my old ways of fighting toe to toe with her. Only to get my ass kicked. As I was crawling back to my cave with tattered cloths licking my wounds once again wondering what just happened in there. This went on for the first 6 months some fights I would win a lot of others I would lose.

Realizing that nothing had really changed, all I really had to show for the past 6 months was a title saying that I was the HOH of no one not even me. I didn’t want to go back to the way it was so I did some more research on how to become the HOH that I wanted to be.

During my extensive research of about a few hours I found a hidden gem that could help me be a good HOH and that was “I have to be the HOH of myself.”

“What” I said, after pondering over the meaning of this new gold nugget I have found I realized that if Bobbie was to change I had to change first. So I learned to control my anger not to jump to conclusions and not have such thin skin getting my feelings hurt every time she said something hurtful and above all this to be able to convey to Bobbie what it was that I wanted or what was wrong with what we are doing.

Back to the drawing board we went and once again started to talk about our expectations of what we wanted to accomplish in this new adventure. We set clear and precise goals and we would review them once a week. We reset the clock back to day one. Again all was fine for a couple of weeks then the evil hormones possessed her once again and then as before all reasoning left her again.

The kind of new HOH ears perked up. But this time instead of jumping in with both feet into the mouth of the lion’s den and arguing with her, I watched closely to what she was doing and then calmly told her to calm down. More often than not this worked if I caught it in the beginning stages and if it went too far then most other times not so much.

I found some useful tools. Watching and talking gently. Those were good tools because it had a soothing effect on her madness. She seemed to focus on what I was saying so she was able to find her way back to normality.

Other tools that I have found to work when the evil hormones show up and is out of control is discipline. Sometimes a smack on the butt works and at other times when sterner measures are necessary something has to be taken away from her to focus on us and the situation at hand.

As the months go by, I am winning more battles than losing. I now notice that I am listening to Bobbie now and instead of blindly fighting back I can see my opponent for what it really is. Not the evil hormones all the time but it was a lack of communication. The basic tool every person needs to survive any type of relationship. Just good old common sense communication skills.


Bob

Benafits of DD

Jason Girl from The Taming of the Shrew  and I are doing another post together on “What benefits does the tih and the HOH get out of the DD relationship”. Or in other words, what is in it for them. Being I am the HOH I will gladly take this standpoint and Jason Girl will talk about the tih’s point of view.

First of all these feeling and accomplishments that I talk about below can and have been done without having a DD relationship but it is hard to do without both parties involved. DD provides a way for the two parties to get involved and be proactive in their relationship.

The things that I get out of this DD relationship are as follows:

1. Contentment. I am content knowing that we are working together and no longer struggling separately and sometimes against each other.
2. Trust. I can now feel like I can let my guard down knowing that Bobbie has my back and that if there is something that I should know about she will inform me of it as I would her.
3. Accomplishment. I can see things getting done that are an improvement in our lives. In the things that we do together and separately. I can see a clear path of where we were and how far we have come with goals in place to take us into the future together
4. Relaxing. I am more at ease when I talk to Bobbie knowing that I am being listened to not having to worry about some bomb dropping out of the sky because she forgot to do something that I asked her to.
5. Commitment. In the beginning before DD I really didn’t care what Bobbie did as long as it didn’t cause us grief and aggravation. We pretty much did our own thing and then sometime during the week when we saw each other, we would touch base on what was happening with us. Since DD I now have a renewed interest in Bobbie, what she does, says, feels, thinks, acts because I want nothing but the best for her. I see what she is and what can be if we apply ourselves in being better. I want to help her become the person she wants to be.
6. Sense of worth. Let’s face it, everyone wants to be wanted, men are no different. I am at my happiest when Bobbie comes up to me either to ask for help or to ask me for advice in whatever is she needs at that time. It feeds my ego that I am wanted, respected, that my opinion means something to her and that she trusts me enough to share her joys and sorrows with me. The look on her face when she speaks to me is such a rush to my ego.
7. Love. Although we have always loved each other, with DD in place I now love her even more because I am really hearing what she is saying to me. I see her hopes and dreams. I want her to succeed in whatever her goals are. I want to put her first in everything I do. I love to see the smile when I do something for her or if I see her struggling I will pitch in and help her to get done faster so we can be together.
8. Closeness. We have gotten closer instead of being good friends we are now great friends. I want to spend time with her I want to hear her talk, laugh at times complain and cry, I want to comfort her when she is sad, help her when she is hurt, and laugh with her when she is happy.
9. Communication. Before DD we talked, the lights were on but no one was home. Now DD has taught us how to listen before we speak, think before we say something and to say it with kindness never in anger.

Alongside of that there is a dark side of DD that I also like.

1. Control. I like the control I have over Bobbie. I love the way she gives me her submission the way she bares her throat to me. Trusting me not to break her to take care of her and to discipline her when needed.

2. Discipline. yes I know we are not supposed to like it but I am a spanko and if I were to tell you that spanking Bobbie does not do anything to me I would be a liar. Although as of now we use alternative discipline but we are experimenting with spanking so who knows were that will lead

Bob

Thoughts On Spanking and DD

I thought it would be fun to write about some of the questions that I toy with when I am thinking of what to write on my blog.  These are some of the battles I have with myself on how I think the mechanics of DD are at that moment

The one thing that is a common denominator of a main topic of any DD discussion whether it is written in the blogs or in the chat rooms it is spanking. Read a blog or go into a chat room and you will hear story after story of how they have received or given a spanking for any number of reasons.

I know for me and most other spankos out there we get that need satisfied because we get that rush by either receiving a spanking (tih) or giving the spanking (HOH). For me there is nothing more satisfying than watching Bobbie’s bottom in front of me turning red and the reactions of her ouching and moving around thus giving me feedback.

For others, it is atonement for the wrong they did to their spouse. They accept their spanking because it washes the slate clean. They have endured the hardship of discipline proving that they are sorry for what they did and then they can look their spouse in the eyes and feel that everything is ok again.

Other tih’s might do it because they need to feel the hand of their HOH on their backside not because of anything that they did, but because it is when they feel the closest to their spouse.

When our silent lurkers read our blogs, they want to be entertained by it. They want to read about who got spanked and why. They want to hear about the gory details of the spanking itself and the reconciliation between the two partners that once again everything is well in their lives till the next time.

So the big question is why is spanking so important to our DD relationship? Obviously spankings work. There is no taking away from that and if all that is said from the blogs are even half true, it works very well indeed. You probably could get the same reaction by using alternative discipline, making the person write lines, stand in the corner, do extra chores or kneeling on rice (just kidding) etc. These all work very well to get the point across to the errant tih.

Could it be that there is some sort of underlying sexual component to all these spankings? Even discipline and even when no sexual actions follow? As mentioned before we have two willing participants.

For the tih who willingly offers their butt to be spanked. They get their satisfaction from knowing that their partner cares enough about them to take the time to spank them thus they feel loved, wanted, desired and a sense of worth because they are being paid attention to.

The HOH that is doing the spanking feels that he is needed because he is helping his tih sort out their problem and if the wrong was directed towards him while he is administrating the spanking he feels justified in spanking her. In a roundabout way he is getting back at her for the pain and suffering he has endured.

Sometimes when DD spankings are used to help motivate does it sometimes fail because success might mean less attention for both parties? And for the TIH spanko’s, how can something we want and need also work as a deterrent. On the HOH spanko’s side deep down do you want your TIH to sometimes slip up? Do we silently cheer in the background for the tih to fail? 

Bob 

What Do You Do?

The other day we were talking to a good friend of ours that is also in a DD relationship and she told us that they were through, finished, that they could not carry on like this that it hurt too much to try and keep it together.

What do you do, what can you say when your friend drops a bomb saying DD is done?

Bobbie and I were speechless. Of all the people that we thought were stable it was them. And then to learn it was on sandy grounds for a long time was disheartening to say the least.

She proceeded to tell us the story how she did not trust him anymore. That he crossed the point of no return. He punished her out of anger. He spanked her a bit hard yes, but he also said things that were hurtful, cut deep to the bone.

What do you do, what can you say?

After he came to his senses he realized what he did and he apologized for what he did. He was so shocked at his own actions that he withdrew contact from his wife and he went into his shell. She took this as another blow to her already damaged relationship that he was still angry and she started to build up walls to surround her so she can’t get hurt again. 

What do you do, what can you say?

After things cooled down they started getting closer learning to forgive and forget but the walls were entrenched. He wanted to continue DD but to go slowly to work at what happened. She said yes. They talked and worked things out. But when it came time to reinstate the rules that they made she froze and refused to let him lead.

What do you do, what can you say?

After a couple pots of coffee, it all came out that she was pushing because she wanted a hard spanking. One that would hurt and she pushed hard to get it. He had a stressful day that day and he snapped. I know, not very HOH like, but it happened. After all we are all human. So he gave her the hard spanking she wanted and he went a little too hard. He said he was tired of listening to her whine about DD and how he wasn’t doing his part of keeping DD together and he said he didn’t want to do it anymore.

What do you do, what can you say when a friend comes to you and tells you that they have a big gap in their relationship. Do you just shut up and listen to their story or do you try to figure it out? Do you give them advice on how you see to fix the problem or do you pretend it never happened? 

What do you do, what can you say?

Bob

13 Common Myths of a DD Relationship

1. Starting a DD relationship is easy.

Starting a DD relationship takes a lot of time and energy to do. You have to research what it is that you want; what she wants out of this new relationship; you have to envision where you want this DD relationship to go; and where you will be in a month, 6 months, or a year from now and beyond.

2. Once the DD relationship is agreed upon there is nothing to do.

Once the two of you have agreed on the DD lifestyle you want your work has just started. You have to interact with your partner and pay attention to what is going on. You must deal with the problems as they come along not hiding your head in the sand and now, like anything else you have to maintain the relationship.

3. The tih has to completely comply with the HOH’s wishes.

The tih is not a mindless Stepford wife to do the HOH’s bidding at the snap of a finger. She has needs too. She is not your slave to wait on you hand and foot well not all the time LOL.

4. The HOH is always right.

As much as I wish it were true, alas it is not so. We are human. Therefore we make mistakes and when we do make them we should own up to them just as we expect our tih’s to do

5. The tih must always take a spanking.

 If your tih thinks there is a problem and refuses a spanking because of it, you best listen to them and find out what the problem is or this could well be the beginning of the end of your DD relationship.

6. Spankings fix everything.

There are times when a spanking just doesn’t do it. You may just have to hold her, just scold her,  give her a good talking to or even a kind word does more than any spanking will ever do. Use this tool wisely.

7. The HOH is not accountable.

If anything you are more accountable because you should now hold yourself to a higher standard and to show your tih that you practice what you preach.

8. The tih has no say in the relationship 

The tih has everything to say if it comes to her health and safety. Plus, she also has a say in how this relationship is going to go. This is not a one way street where the HOH leads, you have a copilot watching your back by using her you can avoid some unpleasant pitfalls.

9. There will be no more fighting.

LOL. There will still be misunderstanding but now hopefully you will be able to settle them faster and with compassion.

10. The tih will not test the HOH.

They will test you every chance they get in the beginning just to make sure you are paying attention and at certain times all through the relationship just in case we aren't paying attention.

11. HOH's are mind readers.

Again another false claim that I wish was true. Letting the tih in on a little HOH secret, we can't read minds so you will have to give us hints at times when we seem to be missing the ball on what is happening.

12. The tih will understand the HOH's wishes.

The HOH has to communicate their wishes and directions plainly and clearly on how they are to conduct themselves in and out of the household.

13. The relationship will always be serious.

Yes it is a serious thing we are doing. But please remember this is just a tool to hopefully make your relationship stronger and better than it was. But never stop having fun and enjoy each other as you walk together on this earth together.

Bob

 

Spanktoberfest

Since this is the month of Oktoberfest, some friends have come up with a new spanking version of Oktoberfest. They are calling it Spanktoberfest.

The way to play the game is that the Hoh has to spank his or her Tih at least once a day until the end of the month.

Now for the adventurous folks out there, if you would like to post your achievements then drop me a line at bobhoh9@gmail.com and tell me how many spankings you've gotten or given.

 

 

It Is Working

We seem to have found our little niche in TTWD I am at peace with what we are doing and Bobbie is more relaxed and she is able to let her hair down. The reason for this post is to give you readers who have been following our new adventure on how our alternate discipline is going. Bobbie is going to input her thoughts on this subject. My writings will be black and her response will be blue.

I am pleased to say that this “new” type of discipline that we are trying is very agreeable to Bobbie's mind set and she is no longer worried how she is going to react if I try spanking her or give her CT if she breaks one of the rules we have set in place.

This new discipline style that we have adapted has put my mind at ease.  I can handle my punishment in a much more calming way.  It makes me reflect on what I have done and at the same time doesn’t belittle me. Gives me more confidence in myself.

She is even self-monitoring herself. She even tells me when she has not done what we have agreed on. She has done this on a couple of occasions and although it is great that she is doing this, I am not comfortable because I feel like I am taking advantage of her. As if I am the one that is slacking off and not giving her my all in this endeavor.

I keep telling him it is okay if I tell on myself.  Is this not the honesty part of the program? He cannot be constantly watching me and on alert 24/7.

As you all know Bobbie has to email me every day. Her deadline is 12 am and if she doesn’t send it to me by that time she knows that she will lose her electronics and her reading time for a whole day – she gets everything back at 12 a.m.

The first time she told me she didn’t write in the morning I looked at my email to verify that she didn’t. I wanted to tell her that since I didn’t catch her that it was ok. But I thought better of it and kept my mouth shut and let her work this out on her own.

She concluded that she should have her electronics and reading time taken away because she did not live up to her side of the bargain. She did not know that she hit a cord inside of me. I felt that I should have caught it and it should not have been her to step up and tell me she failed but I said to myself I would be more alert in her writing.

Two days ago she came up to me and preceded to tell me that she didn’t write again and that she would have to give up her electronics and reading time once more. Then she got real upset with herself.

When she was telling me this and I was watching her war with herself justifying her actions I suddenly felt inadequate and felt guilty like I was cheating her by not paying more attention to what was going on with the two of us. If I am missing this little task what else am I missing? How can I ask her to do this if I am not even watching what is going on.

I apologized to her for not paying more attention to what was going on and that I wasn’t holding up my end of the deal. She looked at me and said it is not your job to monitor me. it is my job to make sure I do what I promised and if it doesn't happen then I pay the price for failing.

TTWD has a way of gentle way of teaching everyone that there is always something new to learn and a way in humbling the the HOH and uplifting the tih's. In this case it has taught Bobbie how to be accountable and it has shown me that I have more work to do to being her true HOH.

When oh when is he going to learn that yes he should bring things to my attention when I don’t do something we have agreed upon, but in the same breath am I not accountable for the rules also? Just because he doesn't always read his email doesn't mean that he is neglecting me or ignoring me. It just means that he is human. Sometimes that is the problem with our HOHs. They think that for them to error is unforgivable.

In the beginning of this journey that was my biggest problem. Losing my identity as a woman and equality in our relationship. If it is his responsibility alone to catch me, then I am not holding up my part of the bargain.  And from what I have read and learned this is an equal opportunity relationship. If I want to be treated like an equal I have to be proactive in ttwd.