Evil Hormones

When the hormones are correctly working and evenly balanced, life is good for all involved. The husband is happy and the wives are at peace with the world, but when the hormones are off, look out world. The gentle kind woman that we love is now a raging uncontrollable mad woman. She is a force to sit up and avoid at all costs.

When we were first married and I experienced this event first hand, it really scared the hell out of me to see this kind woman all of a sudden become a woman possessed with her head spinning around and spiraling out of control. I felt as if I was the priest in the Exorcist with little faith holding a cross in one hand and holy water in the other, walking into the bedroom seeing Bobbie tied to the bed post her eyes rolled behind her head laughing manically and facing the demons that have taken residence in Bobbie’s body.  Not a pretty picture is it, (Well Bobbie tied to the bed post, yes)
thus the fighting and arguing started. As the years gone by, I learned to ignore her and left her to her vices because in a few days she would be her sweet normal adorable self again.

Fast forward decades later. We found DD and started to implement it into our lifestyle and the honeymoon was great. There was peace and happiness in the Vader household. Then came the evil imbalance of the hormones Bobbie spinning like a top, ranting and raving about all things that she perceives as evil and wrong mainly with me. Then with excitement the new super hero HOH (me) jumps in with both feet thinking I can now control the beast and then quickly resorted back to my old ways of fighting toe to toe with her. Only to get my ass kicked. As I was crawling back to my cave with tattered cloths licking my wounds once again wondering what just happened in there. This went on for the first 6 months some fights I would win a lot of others I would lose.

Realizing that nothing had really changed, all I really had to show for the past 6 months was a title saying that I was the HOH of no one not even me. I didn’t want to go back to the way it was so I did some more research on how to become the HOH that I wanted to be.

During my extensive research of about a few hours I found a hidden gem that could help me be a good HOH and that was “I have to be the HOH of myself.”

“What” I said, after pondering over the meaning of this new gold nugget I have found I realized that if Bobbie was to change I had to change first. So I learned to control my anger not to jump to conclusions and not have such thin skin getting my feelings hurt every time she said something hurtful and above all this to be able to convey to Bobbie what it was that I wanted or what was wrong with what we are doing.

Back to the drawing board we went and once again started to talk about our expectations of what we wanted to accomplish in this new adventure. We set clear and precise goals and we would review them once a week. We reset the clock back to day one. Again all was fine for a couple of weeks then the evil hormones possessed her once again and then as before all reasoning left her again.

The kind of new HOH ears perked up. But this time instead of jumping in with both feet into the mouth of the lion’s den and arguing with her, I watched closely to what she was doing and then calmly told her to calm down. More often than not this worked if I caught it in the beginning stages and if it went too far then most other times not so much.

I found some useful tools. Watching and talking gently. Those were good tools because it had a soothing effect on her madness. She seemed to focus on what I was saying so she was able to find her way back to normality.

Other tools that I have found to work when the evil hormones show up and is out of control is discipline. Sometimes a smack on the butt works and at other times when sterner measures are necessary something has to be taken away from her to focus on us and the situation at hand.

As the months go by, I am winning more battles than losing. I now notice that I am listening to Bobbie now and instead of blindly fighting back I can see my opponent for what it really is. Not the evil hormones all the time but it was a lack of communication. The basic tool every person needs to survive any type of relationship. Just good old common sense communication skills.


Bob