The Downfall of A HOH

There are many things that can go wrong in a DD relationship. One of the problems I am going to talk about is why when the HOH is riding so high in the zenith of our DD relationship we falter and our foundation starts to crack and then problems start to show up in our relationship.

When we are doing well we tend to get lax in the way we handle and see things around us. We get complacent. We are fat and happy thinking that we have it all under control. We tend to forget our responsibilities of why we were doing this in the first place. Because we are doing so well we convince ourselves that we don’t have to intervene in what our tih is doing. Saying to ourselves she knows better and she will monitor herself as needed like she has done in the past while I was watching and it is on her head if she continues to backslide. 

Sometimes when we get caught with our fingers in the cookie jar not doing what we say we are going to do, we slack off on our duties. Turning a blind eye on a problem because a game is on, too tired, or just don’t want to deal with it and the list goes on and on. Then we get upset when we are told that we are not playing by the same rules or if we are bold enough we unwisely tell them that we are not accountable to them because we didn’t bring this to them. You did so we don’t have to abide by the rules.

Another problem that can lead the HOH to DD ruins is the belief that the HOH is always the leader. What you say, did I read that right? No it is not a typo but this has two sides to it. One side is that he is the leader and it is his responsibility in whatever goes on in his realm of their DD relationship he is the captain of his ship everything that happens is laid at his feet but he is not the leader of everything.

A good leader knows his weakness and he also knows his strengths. A good leader will delegate his power and have others do it for him. An example would be if the tih is better at finances because she is a CPA than he is. Why on earth would he attempt to do it himself when the tih is more than capable of doing it for him. This does not relieve him of his leadership in fact it enhances it because he now can concentrate on other pressing projects that needs his attention.

Even when doing this he is still in control because like a CEO checking in with his subordinates in a board meeting, so will the HOH when he has their weekly communication sit downs and then at his option he can check in with the tih to make sure that everything is alright by asking to see the check book and the bank statements. He has not shrugged off his duties because he still has an active role in what the tih does.

When we see someone do something with ease, we have to remember all the hours of practice that it took them to get there and all the practice that they will still have to do to maintain that precision. It makes no difference in maintaining our DD relationship once we get to where we are happy with it. It will still take a lot of work to keep it like that because we will have to continually think of better ways of improving our relationship with our life long partner.


Bob