Sneaky Wife and A Birthday

This is a shocking story about my wife who is a sneaky, conniving little imp and how she totally surprised me on my birthday two weeks ago. On September 12, 2013 was my birthday and I turned xx years old, Bobbie kept asking me what I wanted for my birthday and as any good HOH worth their salt would say “I don’t know, you don’t have to give me anything, I got you what more can I want.” I know, I know you all are thinking that was darn noble of me and I will agree with you it was very noble of me (LOL).

Sneaky Bobbie didn’t drop it like I thought she would she started to pay close attention to me and listen to what I was saying to our online friends and unknown to me my so called friends were talking behind my back also about what they was going to do for my birthday.

Conniving Bobbie, kept me occupied by giving me things to do to distract me while she was setting up my surprise and to my amassment, she kept this a secret. She really reached down into her evil self to do this to me and to this day, I can’t believe that she was capable of doing something like this.

That little imp of a wife of mine played me like a rusty fiddle, she plucked those strings like a virtuoso, she laughed maniacally while watching me jump through some hoops. Soon the snares were set and ready to go, I woke up early and I went to the kitchen to make coffee, after my first 3 cups of coffee, I heard Walter coming into the kitchen with his walker clump clump...clump, clump. I went into the bedroom before he tied up the hallway and fired up the computer, then proceeded to the chat room to read back and well… why? To be nosy why else would I go in there WEG. Well to my surprise there was a happy birthday Bob from Alice and I didn’t think anything of it and then went about my business then I started to get phone calls from my friends wishing me a happy birthday and was asking me if Bobbie was going to give me my birthday spankings.

“Ahhhhh no” was my reply

All day they either kiked or emailed me telling me that I should get birthday spankings for this special occasion again my reply was a laughing no, I hunted down Bobbie and asked her if she knew what was going on she looked me straight in the eye and said smiling NO. While Walter was eating breakfast Bobbie asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I told her "I got you what more could I want" She looked at me with the biggest smile whispered in my ear and I chocked on my coffee.

I looked at her saying "yeah right when pigs fly that will happen" well people I am here to tell you that pigs really do fly.

Nothing more was said about what that Evil Sneaky wife of mine said and we continued to do our chores around the house. Then out of the blue Bobbie requested my presence downstairs, not even looking up concentrating on laughing at the texts I was getting I said something like uh huh yeah whatever sweetheart I'll be right there then I continued to text my response to my fellow greeters. I looked up and realiesed that Bobbie was not around and then I remembered that she was in the basement getting up I went downstairs to the Landry room and she wasn’t there I called out for her, I heard a muffled voice coming from the cone of silence room (bathroom).

Opening up the door and seeing what was in front of me I gasped loudly there she was pants at half mask bent over the waist wiggling her butt saying "well are you going to give me your birthday spankings." I grabbed the sink thinking that there was something seriously wrong with me hallucinating like that when I seen that it was Bobbie in the flesh. I quickly grabbed the paddle and in a miserable shaky attempt to sound stern I asked her if she was ready for my spankings (for all the wrong reasons that sounded so right) and then I proceeded to spank her till we reached that magical number both laughing like little kids. Yep like I said pigs really do fly.

That capped off my bestest birthday that I can ever remember or so I thought.

 Later that night I get a phone call from Cat and Alec wishing me a happy birthday, she was one of the ones that helped Bobbie set this whole thing up and she informed me that a package was arriving tomorrow to make sure I was there to accept it. Well I have heard stories about spanking friends giving gifts of implements, not that I have ever done anything like that right Cat

By the time the package came, I had forgotten about my presents and Bobbie comes to me with a box and hands me the package. I looked at her in confusion and confessing right away, I didn't order any toys. Bobbie, the understanding wife that she is, laughed at me and said, "You got this from Cat" my eyes got wide and I snatched it away from her hands I clawed and scratched at the packing tape and couldn't open it. Then I stopped looked at the tape then at Bobbie’s hands then back at the tape and started to smile, but I am starting to digress. I grabbed a pair of scissors and opened the box expecting a paddle or some nice implement but what I got was two gift bags and cards. So according to some family tradition that we have, you have to look at the card first, instead of opening your presents, once more Bobbie sighing, explained this foreign concept to me.

I opened the cards and they made light of the fact that I am not only very old but blind, hair falling out and other things that don't work when one gets old. Another fleeting thought came to me "why it is these cards aren’t that funny unless I am sending them?" Putting, well tossing the cards aside I to the first bag and pulled out a black thing incased in hard plastic with a stick note on it saying for Vader Bob. After struggling to open it with pair a of scissors I opened it and out came a Darth Vader apron for when I grill and also in the box was a Darth Vader bobble head with a red light saber I was laughing so hard.

Walter had to holler at us to keep it down because he was watching Turner Classic Movies and he couldn't hear it. While we were taking pictures of the presents, they sent us I put the bobble head down on the counter, he started speaking, and we both gave a squeal of joy every time you hit the base on the table he would speak.

Bobbie doesn’t like the Darth Vader bobble head much anymore, in fact on several occasions she threatened to throw it up against the wall or accidently on purpose break it if she hears his voice one more time.

I just don’t understand it, I am sure it is not the way I use it to answer for me by slightly moving my hand to make Darth’s head say yes or no, or me taping the bobble Vader on the table listening to him speak all the time. I can’t for the life of me figure out why, oh well maybe Bobbie can explain it to me.

Bob