Topping From the Bottom

This is one of those topics that will always be talked and debated about in blogland, the purpose of this post is not to prove the rights or wrongs of topping from the bottom but to entertain you and maybe show you a thing or two that you might not have thought of. Cammie from The Taming of the Shrew here and I are going to take opposite sides of the topic. Cammie, will write about the dark side of why you shouldn’t top from the bottom and I am going to write about the lighter side of why topping from the bottom is ok if used properly.

When we hear the phrase, topping from the bottom we automatically think of the sub manipulating the HOH behind the scene, telling him how to act and how she wants things done to her. This type of practice is shunned and discouraged in the DD D/s community, and it should be if done disrespectfully. Often times, with the novice tih, they assume that showing any sort of desire for something not suggested by the HOH would be topping from the bottom. However, is there ever a time that topping from the bottom could be used for good?

Let me ask you this, is having desires and asking your husband in a respectful manner to be fulfilled topping from the bottom? She is being an active partner in their relationship by asking her husband to try some thing new. If she requests to play, for example, she is feeding his dominant desires by giving him a chance to be Dominant. As long as you let him decide whether he will play, when to play and so forth. You will be driving him to be more dominant and it will give you an opportunity to enhance your submission in the process. What more could you ask for?

Can topping from the bottom feed his Dominance?

You can feed your partner’s Dominance by giving him opportunities to exert more control. You can try a new play activity or just because it has been awhile and you need some attention, you give them the fuel they need to be Dominant. Just as you have probably heard the saying, “you can’t submit in a vacuum” the same holds true for Dominance. They need to be given choices that may not be obvious to them to take control, and when that happens we will both reap the benefits.

What kind of things feed his Dominance while topping from the bottom?

Approach them with something you have learned about and are curious to try with them.
Discuss an article or thread that you find interesting and ask what you can do to apply x,y and z to your own life.
Share a struggle you are having with your submission and ask if there is anything they can do to help.
Set aside time to talk about your concerns with the relationship, or new needs/wants that have come to the surface.

When is it ok to top from the bottom?

When you and your husband are just starting out, things can be a little confusing for both of you. A new HOH may have no idea how hard or how long to spank her or how she will react to different sensations. She could suggest that she show him how to spank her, (with her butt of course) where to strike and not strike her, what implement to use and how they affect her.

As a tih you may want to give them some direction as they might not know your body as well as you might want them to. Of course giving those suggestions in a begging, pleading, respectful, and courteous way might help your cause to convince your new HOH to take your suggestion.

Topping from the bottom might also be necessary when the bottom has physical issues or psychological issues that need to be carefully monitored.

You can be a submissive and still have desires. Your HOH has a right to know what they are. Even if you have 5, 10, 20 years experience that doesn’t mean they already know them. New desires happen every single day. You should be sharing them and openly inviting them to explore them with you.

Some people might not consider these examples as topping from the bottom but just open communication between a Dom and a sub. However, others might consider these examples an extreme offense and refuse to play. This is why it is so important to find a partner whose ideas mesh well with yours. Also discussing proper ways to communicate before can help to eliminate any miscommunication about topping from the bottom.

Bob

 
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