How To Repair Trust

JasonsGirl and I had so much fun doing topping from the bottom that we decided to do it again. This time we are doing What to do When the Offending Partner Broke the Sacred Vow of Trust. JasonsGirl from  The Taming of tThe Shrew wrote about the tih view and I am taking the HOH view.

First, I think it's a good idea to remember that "trust" is not a tangible object rather just an idea (that feels very "real"). I think that my idea of someone breaking trust is going to be different from yours because of our different interactions in life.

I am not going to get into what he did wrong or if DD should be put on hold until the problem is resolved that is beyond the purpose of this post. That decision will have to be up to the two of you to continue or not.

I think that most people work hard to be trustworthy. There aren’t too many people that I know who wake up in the morning, roll out of bed and say to themselves, “Hmmm…I think I’ll try to break someone’s trust today!” Yet even in spite of our best intentions, there will be times when we damage the level of trust in our relationships. Sometimes it is due to our own stupidity when we make choices that we know are wrong or hurtful to others. Other times we unknowingly erode trust by engaging in behaviors that others interpret as untrustworthy. Regardless of how it happens, breaking trust in a relationship is a serious matter.

   Here are some ways to rebuild trust

Acknowledge that trust has been broken. Don’t pretend that it didn’t happen and stop saying it was someone elses fault because the longer you wait the more likely it is that they will think that you are truly untrustworthy. The faster you admit that you messed up the faster you can repair it.


Admit your role in causing the breach of trust. For some people this may be a hard thing to do. It’s one thing to say you have created this problem; it’s a whole another story to admit you caused it. Our ego and false pride are usually what prevent us from admitting our mistakes. Put your big boy pants on and take ownership of what you have done. When people hear this they will respect you because you are saying it is your fault. This will pay huge dividends down the road as you work to rebuild trust.


Apologize for what happened. When you apologize for your mistake be sincere and do not make excuses on why it happened. They don’t care why it happened. They only care that you broke their trust so stand tall and admit your faults. Ask for forgiveness and tell them your plan to correct the problem, how you are going to make amends to the damaged party.


Assess where the breakdown in trust happened. Tell the person that you hurt that you have identified the area of where you broke that trust. Then tell them how you are going to fix it so that it won’t happen again.


Amend the situation by taking corrective action to repair any damage that has been done, and create an action plan for how you will improve in the future. Your attempts at rebuilding trust will be stalled unless you take this critical step to demonstrate noticeable changes in behavior.


You cannot control the outcome of this process and there is no guarantee that following these steps will restore trust in the relationship. However, the important thing is that you have made the effort to improve yourself. You’ll be able to lay your head on the pillow at night with a clear conscience that you’ve done everything under your power to cultivate the soil for trust to once again grow and flourish.

You have a long road ahead of you in proving that you have made amends. Remember that it will take a lot of time to repair the damage that you have done. Be patient with her.  If she doubts you at some point along the way. Hopefully your relationship will be stronger after the repairs are in place.