A Man Asking For A DD Relationship

 JasonsGirl from The Taming of the Shrew  and I have collaborated again doing another post and this one is about how the spouse can ask for a DD relationship. 

JasonsGirl from The Taming of the Shrew will be taking the female version and I will be doing the man asking for a DD relationship 

Now if you hardly ever helped your wife with chores or haven't taken a real interest in what she does or talked to her, I mean really talked to her, not just saying "hi honey how are you doing or where are my golf clubs." Stop right here there is some work that has to be done before you even start.

For the next month or two you are going to pay attention to your wife really pay attention to her. Take the initiative to ask her if she needs help. And I mean help her with some of her chores, try to make her life a bit easier. Now talk to her really talk to her see what is going on in her life become a part of it, What is bothering her, books she is reading, touch her arm her hair let her know that you have noticed her, do this daily. Instead of asking her where she would like to go to supper, make the decision for her. Let her know you are there to take care of her. If you see something broke or some other chore that has to be done go and do it don't wait for her to mention it.

Why do you have to do this you ask? It is because it will get you into the routine that you are going to spend a lot of time communicating with her plus showing her that you want to change.    

Some time during this trial period she is going to notice a difference in your attitude and the way you look at her and if at that time she does ask you, then proceed to explaining that you want a DD relationship 

Whether you have been living with this desire for a long time or you just woke up today realizing that you want some thing better for your relationship and you think DD is the answer but you just don’t know what to do? This post is for you

So you woke up today and decided that you are going to talk to your wife and tell her that you want a DD relationship but you are unsure how she is going to respond to your request and how are you going to go about telling her your secret desire.

Since I am the one that brought this type of relationship to my wife and have played it back in my head, there would have been some things I would have done differently (ok a lot differently.)

You want a DD relationship with your wife and you want to talk to her about it but are not sure on how to go about it. Like anything else that we do if you want to convince someone about a new idea you have to do your homework. You have compiled an information packet for her to read about. What DD is and what it entails and websites that she can look at. Before any thing else is done you have to know what it is that you want. You say you have done that but have you separated your fantasy from reality? What is the game plan? Are you going to tell her a plan on how you see DD to progress in your lives or are you going to go in there with guns blazing telling her about it without any backup contingency plan?

Well, you don’t want to set her down and say “Honey I want a DD relationship because… and yes if you do some things wrong I am going to spank you till you cry.” That was the approach that I did to Bobbie and it didn’t do me much good. Why didn’t it work? it was because I didn’t explain anything to her I just told her what I wanted. I couldn’t tell her why she would want this.  

Ok, you did your homework; you have a plan, a back up plan and a back plan for your back up plan. Now a word of caution do not use confrontational words like YOU, I and ME instead use US, WE, OUR do not lay the blame on anyone while you are talking about DD. You are ready to talk to you significant other about what you want the two of you to try. Sit down with a pot of coffee or the beverage of your choice some place where you are not going to be disturbed. Tell her what you have been thinking. You have been analyzing your relationship. If you see things that need improvement tell her about the areas that you think need improvement and point them out to her. If the marriage is running smoothly then tell her that you would like a closer relationship with her.

Now tell her that you have been searching for better ways to enhance your lives and you found DD. Explain to her what DD is and what it is not. Give her some reading material of what it is and how it works. Tell her you know that this is a lot of information and that you would like her to read the material. Think about it and we can talk further about it in a few days. After a few days have gone by, ask her if she wants to talk about it and if she needs more time then you will ask her once again in another few days. If by then she still hasn’t decided to talk to you then ask for another meeting so the two of you can talk about what is bothering her about it.

Now the real work is about to begin. Remain calm and remember to breathe. She may have some questions so answer them as honestly as you can. If you get stuck on a question this would be a good time to look up the answer together to show her that you are a team now. The first question that Bobbie had for me was “why me, why do you get to be the head of the household” my answer was “because you always ask me what we are doing, I fix the problems that we both create, and I think logically where you think with your emotions.” Now your situation may be the same or it may be different. Explain it to her so that she understands where you are coming from, but please don’t tell her that it is because you thought of it first.

Now explain the mechanics of how you plan to make this work. Take your time with this phase because you are laying down the foundation, the building blocks and this is going to determine if this succeeds or not.

As you go through the process of explaining to her the steps that you are taking to make sure that this DD lifestyle is going to work, if she has a question stop, answer her questions, and if you can’t come to an agreement put it aside and let her know that you will talk about it at the end of the meeting.

Your half way home, she now understands what you are trying to accomplish with going to a DD lifestyle. Talk about some rules, make them simple don’t make a lot of them because it will become overwhelming to keep up. Set up some rules that are bothering the two of you. Some examples may be procrastination, swearing, dirty dishes etc.

Next you’re going to be talking about the consequences of what happens when the rules are broken. Talk about the many options that you have to reprimand the error in her judgment of not following the rules. This would also be an excellent time to tell her how you plan to conduct yourself under the same circumstances. Since every relationship is different, I will not be offering any advice on how to proceed with this part of the decision, only the two of you will be able to answer what is right for you.

Your almost home free. Tie up any loose ends that have been put aside till now and agree to have a DD meeting twice a week at least for a half hour longer if possible to talk about the problems that may have arisen, some rules may be discarded, revised or gotten rid of just because they didn’t work. Use this time to modify your new lifestyle listen to her concerns and if she tells you that you are doing something wrong don’t get mad or offended find out what the problem is and fix it.

I hope that the two of you are on a wonderful and exciting new life together in this DD adventure

Disclaimer If you are not going to be consistent, honest, truthful, and responsible in giving your loved one the full attention that she deserves in a DD relationship, please don’t do this because you are going to cause her and yourself a lot of grief and aggravation.

Bob