A few days ago, we had a discussion with a woman friend of ours and she wanted to know what the statue of limitation is on not telling the truth to her husband was?
I suspect that she is in a DD relationship because the way she talks about how her husband is leading their household.
She told us that her husband told her to cancel a $2000 contract they had with XYZ Company one year ago and she forgot. After he has repeatedly asked her if she canceled the contract she told him yes meaning to pay it the next day, at the time she was under a lot of stress because she often gets real bad migraines and she works full time at a stressful job. Well, the bill came due 4 months ago and this time she did pay the bill in full but did not tell her husband.
He does know that she has paid the bill late and she did get the contract canceled because he found the paper work saying the contract was not renewed and paid in full
When he approached her about it, she lied to him, saying that it was the companies fault for losing the check, which is why it took so long to pay it.
Now she is feeling guilty for lying to him and of not telling him the real reason why she did not pay it on time.
My question is, should she tell her husband the truth of why the contract didn’t get paid on time or should she just keep quite and not say anything at all?
The answer that I told her was that if he accepted her answer and that he has not asked her about it any more then it was ok to drop it. Now thinking about it more, I may have led her astray. My answer should have been for her to tell her husband the real reason why the contract was not canceled and then accept what ever her husband says after that.
The reason I changed my mind was that by telling lies it destroys the foundation of trust that you have built with you spouse, how can he ever make the right decisions if the information given to him by you is false. It wouldbe like building your foundation on sand, it would always be shifting never steady.
I think I am going to call her and tell her that my previous answer was in error and that she should tell him the real story of what happened.
Have you ever withheld information from your spouse so that you would not get into trouble or a spanking over?
To DH and I honesty is everything. If we can't be honest with each other, who are we going to be honest with?
ReplyDeleteI have not withheld information on purpose, I have forgotten things before, and admitted it. It happens. We are all human, but lying is another thing all together.
Hi Julia
DeleteAs soon ass I gave that advice I started to regret it and the more I thought about it I wasn't pleased with my answer, But I did call her and told her why I changed my mind.
The ball is in her court now.
Man I hate giving bad advice
Bob
My husband and I are not in a DD relationship; however, trust and honesty go hand and hand and are very important to us. I have never been dishonest with my husband - I tell him everything. Recently he did something - purchased something and did not tell me - and although he never meant to hurt my feelings I felt like he lied to me and it hurt immensely...if he had just told me in the first place I might have still been hurt but would have been able to forget much easier. Giving advice is always hard. I am glad you told her your opinion and why you changed your mind. Best wishes, Terps
ReplyDeleteHi Trep
ReplyDeleteThis will teach me to not speak to fast :(
Bob
Hey Bob...Here's my 2 cents...I think you were right to reverse your advice to her...no relationship (vanilla or DD) can truly survive and thrive without 100% honesty. Even the smallest 'fib' can start the relationship down that slippery slope.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Cat
Hi Cat
ReplyDeleteYour 2 cents was much appreciated
The truth is always the best. It's much easier to remember down the road.
ReplyDeleteHi sunny girl
ReplyDeletewise words and it is easier to remember too but at the same time telling the truth can be so hard.
Bob
I think what everyone above said is true. But if I'm to be totally honest here, I would probably not tell him. Crappy huh? But that's the truth. I've withheld things from Nick since we've been spanking - not to get out of a spanking, but because I knew he wouldn't spank me. He would have seen it as a ploy to get him to spank and he would have just been angry. Convoluted right? It's a regret I have, but I still do it at times.
ReplyDeleteHi PK
ReplyDeleteno not Crappy PK
It just works differently for you that's all
It's almost like your dammed if you do and your dammed if you don't.
Bob
I have avoided telling on myself, usually about computer time, but I never lied. I might avoid the question, change the subject, but I won't lie. I think if this lady's husband found out through the check registry that the check was never written, he would have major trust issues with his wife. Trust is important, and lies crush trust. I'm glad you called her back. She may have even subconsciously thought if another man said it was ok then, then maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal other times too. God bless you for trying to help out a friend. Don't be discouraged to continue to help others. -Belle L.
ReplyDeleteHi Belle
ReplyDeleteI never thought of it that way, that she was looking for conformation that it was okay to keep quiet.
Don't worry Belle I am sure I will do it again before I am 90
Bob
Hi Bob,
ReplyDeleteI sometimes try to withhold the truth from my husband, or bend it a little (or a lot) when he asks for an explanation. It never works. He always knows when I'm lying. Sigh!
Hugs,
Hermione
Hello Hermione.
DeleteYes that does make it hard to side step questions that he is asking you because he knows you so well.
Bob
It seem to be bothering her, so it will probably continue to so I say fess up....might be a lesson learned.
ReplyDeletehugs abby
Hi abby
DeleteI don't know if it was bothering her to much because she didn't say any thing until he talked to her about the bill.
Bob
I agree that she should tell her husband the truth and be done with it. Feeling guilty is a heavy burden. My hubby and I are fairly new to DD and while I can understand not wanting a *real* spanking, I won't lie to get out of one. As Belle said, I may try and avoid the question though.
ReplyDeleteHi Queenie
DeleteShe did end up telling him a couple of nights ago and being a gracious man he forgave her with no repercussions.
Now she is in awe of him because he forgave her.
Smart man he is
Bob
Bob,
ReplyDeleteYour second answer is the right one. DD or not, we should always be truthful with our spouses, because to do otherwise erodes the relationship. My grace period to confess a mistake is 24 hours. Telling him doesn't mean I avoid being spanked or punished for the original mistake, it just means that by being truthful, I avoid any further consequences for what is in effect, lying (even by omission).
I'm glad to see that your friend was truthful and that her husband handled it well for them.
Hi Christina
DeleteAs soon as I said the first answer I was not comfortable with my answer and then the more I thought about I knew it was wrong.
The hard part was me calling her up later and changing my mind.
Bob
I don't lie to my HoH any longer. I did a few times but then felt guilty and told on myself! The worst spankings I ever got were for lying. Never again!
ReplyDeleteIt's better to learn that early in a DD relationship instead later in it,
ReplyDeleteIt saves the butt so much grief. :)
Bob
I think she should've told her husband the truth right at the start. The consequences would probably have been much less. Small untruths lead to big untruths. Not a good idea, and like you said, building on sand doesn't make for a stable dynamic. Trust has to be earned.
ReplyDeleteMany hugs
Ami
It's hard to do at times, no one wants to face the music and I think our fear builds up what is going to happen more times than not
ReplyDeleteBob
I am big on truth. I feel very betrayed if someone lies to me.
ReplyDeleteI really always tell the truth even if it makes me look bad.
Hopefully all my relationships are built on truth.
There have been times I have reconsidered advice I have given to a person...if I change my mind I call them and reverse my advice.
Great thoughts Bob
Hi Minelle
ReplyDeleteThank you
So I have gone back to the beginning and I am reading all of your posts. I feel a little uncomfortable writing a comment now after so many months. The way I think is that if you would have told the truth before dd, then why would that change after dd. In a marriage/relationship, trust is so very important. Never should not telling the truth be an option.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you found me Blondie
DeleteYes I totally agree with you there should be no lies between the husband an wife but sad to say that is we kind of work our way into them as my fried did. You plan on doing some thing then forget it, then when asked if you did it and then you say yes thinking that you have the next day to do it then it snow balls from there.
Bob