Role of the tih

When a person decides to try or look into a DD relationship to see if it is right for them, they will find many articles on what a tih is supposed to do and how they are to act in their new dynamic. Such as being polite and submissive, to be a follower, to be guided if you will and accepting correction for their misguidedness. But very little is written about what her role in the scheme of this is.

There are no mystical powers or magic pill to take when two people embark (agree) on a DD relationship. That it will automatically be a better place for them because like everything else that is worth having it is at times hard to make it work properly. When you boil it all down, it is more about common sense on how to treat one another.

The role of the tih is to complement her husband to make him a better person than he is now and to make their relationship more fulfilling in how they interact with each other and the surrounding world around them.

She will watch out for him, notify him if she sees any problems lurking in the background that he is not aware of. She is in constant communication with him. She does not go behind his back in making big decisions and she will talk to him so they both can find the best way to accomplish their goals.

She is his confidant. She’s there to talk to him about what is on his mind and at other times she will listen nonjudgmentally to his hopes and fears. She gives him her thoughts of where she thinks he is going and what pitfalls that he may encounter. If she sees her HOH slacking in certain areas she will gently try to guide him back on track.

She will provide the tools necessary to accomplish his goals to further the family lifestyle so it can be more fulfilling and easier. She will build him up, respect him, and honor his decisions. 

She will build him up, trust him, rely on him, and lean on him. In order to support him, she has to be willing to let him fully support her.

She to give him a reason to feel accomplished and satisfied with our relationship and it gives them both the control to handle any arguments.

This is just a few of the roles a tih does to do to keep their DD dynamic going. 

How do you see your role as a tih?

Bob

Why Did I Choose DD?

There are times when I hate having too much time on my hands. I get bored easily and restless. I have too much time to think about things. I play them through my head like a scratched record that is stuck on a continuous loop. Today is one of those days. I have been thinking a lot of why I chose DD. What was the fascination with it? Did it sound sexy? Dangerous? What would or could of happened if we didn’t take this road and on and on…

I sat down in front of the computer and started to write all the minuses of DD and in no particular order I came up with these. DD is hard work, you have to pay attention, be vigilant and you have to make the hard choices in what to do because now you have someone that needs to know how to work in their new parameters of their relationship. You have to tell your loved one no to something they may want to do or want badly and you have to be at times the bad guy.

After writing all the negatives about DD, I started to write about the positives of DD. There would be peace and harmony in our relationship, we wouldn’t be fighting so much, I wouldn’t feel like I was fighting the world by myself, I would now have a partner to watch my back, a second pair of eyes to help me navigate through life and we would become one to better ourselves. Oh yeah I almost forgot I get to spank Bobbie LOL.

I now had two columns of what DD could be and as I looked at the plus side of things, I liked that more. But that wasn’t the reason I approached Bobbie with DD. The simple truth was I got tired of fighting by myself. Not knowing what Bobbie was doing and at times we were fighting for the same thing but at the same time we were canceling each other out because our approaches were different in trying to solve the same problem. 

I saw DD as a tool to get us back into the game of life as a team in harmony not in disarray and I wanted to do what was right for Bobbie. I wanted her to have the best I could give her to be healthy and happy. I wanted her to be content not wanting in anything. 

I also picked DD because it forces us to participate. We cannot be a bystander and expect it to work for us. It also makes you talk to each other and learn new communication skills by forcing us to ask questions and give suggestions so we know what lies ahead. DD is also a hard teacher. It will teach you that you can’t do it all by yourself. You need to depend on your partner to actively seek out answers of what is not working and why. It will show you your flaws and why you’re having problems in certain areas of your relationship. What you thought were your partner’s problems may very well be because of you.

After weighing all the pros and cons, DD has proven to be a very important part of our lives and relationship.

So here we are six years later still with DD. It has at times been a bumpy ride, at times we still fight like cats and dogs but they are less frequent and not as violent but when we are hitting on all cylinders with DD it is a fantastic ride and there isn’t a person I’d rather be with than with Bobbie by my side.

Bob


 

Father In Law

Being away for over half a year does not mean that we have melted through the cracks in the floor or quit doing things DD. It just got harder to do the things that we like to do together. We have been enlisted to the school of reality and relearning things or honing old skills by my gracious father in law.

Through no fault of his own he has become more dependent on us. He also has become our teacher once more and at times I resent it because he was taking time away from what we were doing and had cut back on our freedom. We were like prisoners in our own house again. We couldn’t do what we wanted when we wanted to do it.

In the infinite wisdom of his weakness this professor has taught us once again humility, compassion, patience and love in the way we treat each other and the friends that have wandered into our lives for the short term and for those friends who have decided to stay a bit longer with us.

He has taught us compassion through his hardships in getting dressed, moving around, doing simple things that we all take for granted because in the beginning we watched him try to do things by himself not wanting to infringe on his independence and wondering why he doesn’t ask for help till we figured it out that he shouldn’t have to ask for help we just pitch in now and if he doesn’t want help he politely yells at us to go away (lol)

Now I employ the same thing with Bobbie when I see her struggling with some task. I help her by nudging her away and do it for her. She no longer has to look at me for help. I now offer it unconditionally. She even smiles at me now for stepping up and pitching in and yes she does the same in turn for me when she sees that she can do it easier than me.

Once again I have learned that we lacked patience in waiting, doing things in his time not mine and as the months have progressed I have grown to have more patience in waiting for the proper time to do his things and now I have learned to apply this to Bobbie also. Not getting mad because she wasn’t ready when I was.

 My father in law has once again amazed me by showing us how to be more respectful, kind and loving towards each other and for that I am eternally grateful to have him here with us. 

Bob  

We're Back

We're Back

It has been eight long months since I have written a post in my blog and I thought I would write what has been happening to us. Where we have been; where we are; and where we hope to be in the future. This is going to be a new journey for me to try to tell a story of how we have gotten to where we are now.

I stopped writing because I thought I had said all that I wanted to say without sounding condescending or like I had all the answers. Plus Bobbie’s dad has taken more of our time and I found it hard to concentrate on what I wanted to write about so I let it slide. Saying to myself I’ll get to it next week and when that week came and went, I promised myself again next week. Well 32 weeks later I think I have something to say, well for a bit anyway. lol.

My fil has taken a bunch of our time because he needs our assistance more now than he ever has. And that in itself has been a challenge to us. He has broken up our time so much that we couldn’t plan anything for ourselves. As much as I hate to say this, there have been times that he has been a burden because he is in your face all the time. He can’t go anywhere without our assistance and because like the rest of us when he wants something he wants it now.

His needs are different than ours. When we want to relax, he wants something to eat. When we watch TV, he changes the channels to watch his program. He needs our attention on so many different levels that we don’t have time for “US”. But on the other side of the coin he is a blessing because as I have stated before he has and continues to amaze me with his knowledge and kindness (most of the time). He, still to this day, teaches me new things about myself and our relationship. How to look at things differently. How to be more compassionate to others and not to be so quick with my anger.

During that time we have gotten (looking for a word to describe it) not real busy, not running around but lazy, yes lazy, we kept putting it off trying to get “US” time in. We had become complacent. We started to drift our own way. But then one day while having coffee waiting for fil to wake up so we can give him his breakfast, we got started talking about our DD relationship. She asked me if I missed it and I said yes I did and she said that she missed it too. 

So here I am (we are) writing again. How long will this last? Haven’t a clue but hopefully you will be entertained and that someday you might find something that could help you in your walk with your spouse or if you happen to leave a reply, you all could give me something new to help us out.

 

Bob

First Steps for DD

So you have read all the blogs and books about what a DD lifestyle is and how to start it or you may have had the desire to either be spanked or wanted to spank your partner. You have all this new knowledge and stacks of paper from blogs and web sites so you go to your partner and dump it on them and then find out that they are confused and you are upset because he or she can’t give you what you want.

Before running to your partner and jumping down the rabbit hole with both feet only to find out that you don’t fit and dumping months or years of information in their lap explaining DD to them and telling them about the joys, trials and tribulations of DD stop and ask yourself these questions. Why should they say yes to your desires? Have you shown them what it could be like to be in this type of relationship? Have you taken an active interest in their abilities to either be a leader or a submissive?

It would behoove you to start doing it now while you are researching and defining who you are. You could be showing your partner what it could be like to be in this type of lifestyle. If you are the tih, listen to your partner. Ask them for advice and go the extra mile to help them. Make them want to feel wanted and needed. If you are going to be the HOH, don’t just sit there barking orders and watching your partner struggle. Show them respect and help them achieve their goals whether it be getting chores done around the house, cooking, doing laundry, helping with that project that needs to get done. Actively converse with them in a conversation and make life a little easier by assisting them in whatever needs to be done.

While you are covertly demonstrating to your partner TTWD, it is time to work on your conversation with them. Put aside all that information right now and sit down and think of what DD means to you and be realistic. Forget about the romance books you have read and those steamy DD movies you saw. What you want to do now is write what you want to accomplish. What are your short, medium and long term goals? By this I mean where do you see your relationship a couple of months, a year, 5, 10 years from now? What role is your partner going to play in this new dynamic? What happens when there is a disagreement, when a rule is broken? Write them down and prioritize them with the most important on top to the least important on the bottom. Now you have a working idea of what you want. Now you can go back to the information you have collected and get rid of all the information that does not pertain to your new perspective of DD. Make a folder for your partner to read at a later date. Now you know it is time to go talk to your partner regarding what you have in mind.

Set a time when the two of you can be alone away from the phones, TV, kids and anything else that can distract you and your partner from giving and receiving both of your undivided attention. Tell them you have given this great thought about what you are going to present to them and at this time all you ask of them is to listen to it till the end and then think about the pros and cons of what you are going to tell them.

Talk calmly and plainly to them on how you vision your new adventure. Why you have chosen this type of lifestyle versus another type. Explain to them what DD is and what it is not. Why you want to try this, what its purpose is, and what your role and their role will be. Give them that packet that you made and tell them that you hope they will take the time to read what you have given them and that you would like to set up another time maybe a week from now so you can get their thoughts on the subject.

If at any time the conversation does not produce any fruit and they say no, politely ask them why they won’t consider it. There may be a legitimate reason why they said no. Please do not get mad at them or try to convince them to think otherwise because all you are going to do is build up walls and your partner will dig their heels in the ground because they will feel like you are forcing this on them and the end result is it will be harder to talk to them at a later date.



Ask them in passing while driving in the car with them, at dinner or even watching TV. Patience is the key ask them if you could talk about it another day or maybe they need more time to think about it but leave the packet with them.

At the second meeting ask them what they thought about it. Hopefully they will agree to talk more about DD or say they are interested in trying DD. Answer all their questions that you can and the ones that you can’t tell them honestly that you don’t know. This might be a good time to suggest at a later date the two of you research these questions together. Before you end this session ask them to think about what is important in their relationship from the most to the least important and set up another communication meeting in a couple of days.

On this meeting you now have enough information to talk about how the two of you are going to design this new lifestyle and how to fit it into your relationship. How you ask? Think of it as planning a vacation. Instead of visiting cities, states, or landmarks you are mapping out where you want to go in your relationship such as security, peace, love and happiness.

Now is the time to swap the lists that the two of you made eairler and see what matches. Then talk about them and find out why it is important to that person. After you have come up with a list of what is important to the two of you, prioritize them from the most to least important. Congratulations you have just created a road map, a brochure to guide you through TTWD and you have a workable plan that the two of you agree on.

Now that you have a list of what is important to the both of you and a destination, the fun can begin because you two are explorers in new undiscovered DD territory making this your own dynamic. It will be unique and will be like no other DD relationship out there.

During this communication meeting both of you should write down your strengths and weaknesses and also what you think you partner’s strengths and weakness are. Next both of you are to write down what you want or need changed in your life. Again swap papers, you will be surprised what you thought were your good traits weren’t and what you thought were not so good were just fine in their eyes.

With this information the two of you need to determine who is going to take on certain responsibilities. Some examples are the finances, organizing the house, cleaning, and etc. This should make working together much easier knowing who is responsible to take care of these tasks. The list may be long or short depending on where you are in your life.

Once again swap the list of likes and dislikes about each other. When you read this list, please don’t get mad or upset at your partner for telling you the truth and pointing out your weaknesses. Remember this is supposed to be a life changing lifestyle to make your relationship a better one.

You have now created the means of transportation to get from one destination to the other. Like everything else you may not have the means or experience to get to some of the destinations you want to go. As you work together and you learn more about each other, new and better tools will be acquired and old rules and destinations will be tossed to the side to make room for the new.

At this point I would suggest that you take a break here and set up another meeting because you have covered a lot of ground and information that probably needs to be analyzed, processed and readjusted into your plans.

This next meeting will consist of incorporating guidelines into your relationship. If you want to keep it very simple do the four D’s of Domestic Discipline they are Disrespect, Disobedience, Damaging behavior and Dishonesty. These four rules will cover a lot of the rules that you probably have on your list already. This is the time to talk to each other about how broken rules will be handled. Will it be by spanking the tih? Or will it be by other alternative methods. Whatever your decision is please make sure the two of you understand the ramifications of this.

Congratulations you now have a very simplistic guideline on how to set up a DD relationship. You have created a road map of where the two of you want your relationship to go. You also created a means of working together, one leading and one being the copilot both plotting a course to go from one destination to the other in your journey.

Communication does not end here. It is but only the beginning. You will find that this will be the most valuable tool you have at your disposal. To keep your momentum going it would be wise to set up time blocks to keep in touch with each other. They can be any amount of time that you want. Such as when you are riding together in the car, having coffee or even at a lunch.

I also suggest that you set aside at least one day a week to have a reality check to see if everything is going according to plan. This time should be set as a talk free zone where there will be no reprisals as long as it is done respectfully. Both parties should be able to say what they think about the rules or the direction in which they are going.

I purposely left out the subject of incorporating spanking into the mix because the tih is so focused on the spanking aspect that they really don’t want to discuss the other more important details of the negotiations. There highest priority is that they want to hear that the HOH will step up and spank them for the infractions that have been committed.

Bob

Close Encounter of a Third Kind with a DD Couple

 

The longer you study and talk to likeminded people of any interest you may have, you are bound to meet a person or persons with the same interest and Domestic Discipline is no different. This is the story of our encounter of the DD kind.

The First Encounter

Many years ago before there was a DD Bobbie and Bob there was just Bob trying to find his compass so he could navigate his way through the vast DD universe. He would read books and scour the web’s network for information on how to build a lasting relationship in DD and how to convince his wife to embrace the DD lifestyle. He searched alone in DD darkness.

Sitting in front of his control council he warily went to the Google search bot and for the hundredth time of some variation he typed in the words “DD life style”. Rubbing his tired eyes and looking up he notices a new list of names that he hasn’t seen before so Bob started to investigate the new web sites that were on his screen. Three of them were a bust and had nothing to do with DD but were just more porn sites. With a sigh he went to the next web page down the list. Nothing but pay sites or buy my book to become a better Master or turn your woman into the slave she was meant to be. So down the list I went, seen it, don’t think so, stopping raising an eyebrow how they do that then thinking of Bobbie in that position naw that would take forever to do.

After the first page the light at the end of the tunnel was growing dim and I slowly started to think there was no such group on the internet. I went to the next page and on the middle of that page was Joannie and Friends a DD forum http://joannieandfriendsforum.homestead.com/. The summary read that it was a place to meet people to ask questions and talk to likeminded people. There was a statement to their beliefs and what they were trying to accomplish. They didn’t want players or people that pretended to be in a DD relationship. They wanted real DD people who could contribute to their little community. I sat up straighter my eyes got a little brighter as I read the information on the screen. The only catch was you had to send a little bio of yourself and what you hoped to get out of the forum. I sat there staring at the screen and saying what the…? What kind of group is this? Why do they want to know what I want to accomplish when even I didn’t know what I wanted or expected? I backed away from the thought of writing to Joannie that I wanted to join their DD cult.

Close Encounter of the Second Kind

As the days turned into nights I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned always dreaming of that inferno site, Joannie and Friends. I would picture myself having a good time talking to people and learning new things about DD with Bobbie right by my side or over my knees being just as excited as I was about DD and spankings. The following day while we were having supper I suddenly had this strange urge come over me like I was in a trance. I reached into the bowel of mashed potatoes with my hands and then started to build a sculptor of a man with a woman over his knees getting spanked and then took the Russian dressing and sparingly applied it to her backside to give it the appearance of a red butt. Bobbie with her mouth wide open staring at me as if I lost my mind said “what are you *&&%amp;^%$# doing? If you think I am cleaning this mess up your nuts” and then her voice grew fainter and fainter till I didn’t hear it any more

That is when I knew I had to do something. Plus I couldn’t stand it anymore so I started to run to the computer, tripped over the dog got back up sat down at the computer and wrote an email to Joannie stating that I would like to join her forum, my experience is very small, didn’t know what I could contribute to the group because I didn’t know anything about them and that I wanted to learn about the DD lifestyle then I hit the send button before I could change my mind. Two weeks later still no email so I sent her a copy of the first email and then that afternoon I got a reply from her with a password to enter the forum.

I quickly became familiar with the landscape of the web page and was asking questions that day and I was getting replies back later that day. I was so happy to finely be able to talk to people and they have their own chat room.

As I was reading the questions and answers in the forum and sometimes talking in the chat room, Bobbie would start to look over my shoulder to see what I was doing. She would make comments like “That’s is so wrong! You’re not going to hit me with that thing. Don’t even get the idea that you’re going to spank me like that.” As she read more and more of the questions and answers, her complaints and demands were less and less. Soon she was sitting next to me reading along side of me and asking questions and I told her to write it down and ask herself which she declined.

After a couple of months Bobbie became a member of the site and was just reading. She didn't want to come into chat because she said she felt out of place. Soon the force of the tih’s soothed her restlessness and convinced her to come into chat and she quickly became friends with a couple of tih’s in chat.

I quickly became friends with a few of the regulars that came into chat at night and it turned out that the one lady that was on the most was also in the same state as me and as we talked and got to know each other, we both talked about how great it would be to meet for lunch one day. So the die was cast a date was set for March and a restaurant was picked and now all I had to do was tell Bobbie.

Close Encounter of the Third Kind

I had a whole month to break it to Bobbie that we were going to meet complete strangers that enjoy spanking and having a DD relationship like we want. The conversation went something like this…

“Honey what do you think of Angel?”

“She seems like a nice person very interesting to talk to”

“What would you think if we were to meet someone from the group?”

Eye brows raise, lips start to thin out turning white and her voice started to raise several octaves higher. “Explain to me what meet them is. Not like to see them in person and you haven’t said you would meet them did you?”

Seeing the panic in her face I calmly lied to her and said “nope I would never do anything like that without talking to you first Bobbie.”

As the days went on I would drop subtle hints to Bobbie how great it would be to talk to someone who thinks like me and how you might like them. Bobbie looking at me with great trepidation in her voice said “What would we talk about? How are we going to hold a conversation you know how shy I am? Are you going to talk about spanking in the restaurant? Oh god if you do I’ll just crawl under the table”

The second week I finally told her that I was going to meet Angel and her husband John and if she wanted to come to lunch she was more than welcome. After answering all her questions of the why’s and when’s of the luncheon, she agreed to come with me.

In some fun sadistic way I was enjoying all the facial expressions coming from Bobbie’s face because just about every day she had a question for me about this luncheon we were going to.

“Do you know what they look like?”

“Nope I haven’t a clue”

“What do you know about them?”

“They are farmers or were farmers, she has a horse arena to teach kids to ride horses and use to board other horses in their barn.”

“Oh no we are not going to their house. What happens if they are serial killers. How is anyone going to know where we are?”

“Don’t worry Bobbie I left all the information of what we are doing on the computer table with their address and phone numbers.”

“What happens if we don’t like them or they don’t like us?”

“Then we eat our food real fast and say we have to go”

For the rest of the ride I could see Bobbie war with herself. She turned to me open her moth to say something but no words came out. Then she would turn around and look out the window and do the same thing all over again. For the next hour she looked like a fish out of water opening and closing her mouth saying nothing.

We got to the restaurant about 20 minutes earlier than what was expected of us so we went in and waited for our guests to arrive. Trying to talk to Bobbie while she is all wound up is near impossible to do, she just doesn't’t speak she kind of grunts like an Indian does in the movies LOL.

I think it is amazing how you can tell who the people are that you are going to meet for the first time. As they walk in you just know that they are the ones you’re supposed to meet. I felt like I was Spider Man using my spidy senses knowing what was going to happen next as they looked up I waved my hand and a smile flashed across her face and dispensed with the introductions of who we are and our real names.

We talked for 2.5 hrs. Not once did DD or any type of spanking come up. We talked about everything else. It was really strange to talk to these great folks as if we knew them for ages. At first Bobbie was very quiet, but Angel drew her out of hiding and soon had her talking and talking and talking (well you get the picture).

As the luncheon was drawing to a close, we were saying our good byes to each other when out of the blue Angel asked us if we wanted to come to their house for more coffee. I turned to Bobbie and the expression on her face was of sheer terror. I then asked her if she wanted to have coffee at their house and telling her that we would have to leave before four o’clock because we had to get her dad his supper. She said that was fine with a tight voice and told them that we would follow them to their house.

While we were following them Bobbie said "how are they going to find us now?"

"You been watching too many Criminal Minds programs" laughing "did you notice how old they are? They would die of a heart attack trying to move us to get rid of the evidence"

As we pulled into the side of the house there sat a back hoe and I thought there goes the heart attack theory of them trying to move our bodies. We both looked at each other then I smiled and said naa not going to happen so into the old farm house we went and was taken to their living room.

As John went to make coffee, I found out that I remembered too many Criminal Minds episodes and started to think of a few of them and how this one couple picked up two strangers and took them home and then… then I pushed it out of my mind and we talked about DD and spanking. Angel said they had been in their DD lifestyle for 10 yrs. on her 60th birthday.

During our short stay of two more hours they gave us some good common sense advice. To take our time, not to worry what others say about our DD relationship and most importantly of all to make this our own because no two relationships are the same and everyone is different.

So this was the first of many visits we have had with them. We have become very close friends and have met more like minded people over the years.

Bob