Wednesday, October 22, 2014
There are times when I hate having too much time on my hands. I get bored easily and restless. I have too much time to think about things. I play them through my head like a scratched record that is stuck on a continuous loop. Today is one of those days. I have been thinking a lot of why I chose DD. What was the fascination with it? Did it sound sexy? Dangerous? What would or could of happened if we didn’t take this road and on and on…
I sat down in front of the computer and started to write all the minuses of DD and in no particular order I came up with these. DD is hard work, you have to pay attention, be vigilant and you have to make the hard choices in what to do because now you have someone that needs to know how to work in their new parameters of their relationship. You have to tell your loved one no to something they may want to do or want badly and you have to be at times the bad guy.
After writing all the negatives about DD, I started to write about the positives of DD. There would be peace and harmony in our relationship, we wouldn’t be fighting so much, I wouldn’t feel like I was fighting the world by myself, I would now have a partner to watch my back, a second pair of eyes to help me navigate through life and we would become one to better ourselves. Oh yeah I almost forgot I get to spank Bobbie LOL.
I now had two columns of what DD could be and as I looked at the plus side of things, I liked that more. But that wasn’t the reason I approached Bobbie with DD. The simple truth was I got tired of fighting by myself. Not knowing what Bobbie was doing and at times we were fighting for the same thing but at the same time we were canceling each other out because our approaches were different in trying to solve the same problem.
I saw DD as a tool to get us back into the game of life as a team in harmony not in disarray and I wanted to do what was right for Bobbie. I wanted her to have the best I could give her to be healthy and happy. I wanted her to be content not wanting in anything.
I also picked DD because it forces us to participate. We cannot be a bystander and expect it to work for us. It also makes you talk to each other and learn new communication skills by forcing us to ask questions and give suggestions so we know what lies ahead. DD is also a hard teacher. It will teach you that you can’t do it all by yourself. You need to depend on your partner to actively seek out answers of what is not working and why. It will show you your flaws and why you’re having problems in certain areas of your relationship. What you thought were your partner’s problems may very well be because of you.
After weighing all the pros and cons, DD has proven to be a very important part of our lives and relationship.
So here we are six years later still with DD. It has at times been a bumpy ride, at times we still fight like cats and dogs but they are less frequent and not as violent but when we are hitting on all cylinders with DD it is a fantastic ride and there isn’t a person I’d rather be with than with Bobbie by my side.
Friday, October 17, 2014
Being away for over half a year does not mean that we have melted through the cracks in the floor or quit doing things DD. It just got harder to do the things that we like to do together. We have been enlisted to the school of reality and relearning things or honing old skills by my gracious father in law.
Through no fault of his own he has become more dependent on us. He also has become our teacher once more and at times I resent it because he was taking time away from what we were doing and had cut back on our freedom. We were like prisoners in our own house again. We couldn’t do what we wanted when we wanted to do it.
In the infinite wisdom of his weakness this professor has taught us once again humility, compassion, patience and love in the way we treat each other and the friends that have wandered into our lives for the short term and for those friends who have decided to stay a bit longer with us.
He has taught us compassion through his hardships in getting dressed, moving around, doing simple things that we all take for granted because in the beginning we watched him try to do things by himself not wanting to infringe on his independence and wondering why he doesn’t ask for help till we figured it out that he shouldn’t have to ask for help we just pitch in now and if he doesn’t want help he politely yells at us to go away (lol)
Now I employ the same thing with Bobbie when I see her struggling with some task. I help her by nudging her away and do it for her. She no longer has to look at me for help. I now offer it unconditionally. She even smiles at me now for stepping up and pitching in and yes she does the same in turn for me when she sees that she can do it easier than me.
Once again I have learned that we lacked patience in waiting, doing things in his time not mine and as the months have progressed I have grown to have more patience in waiting for the proper time to do his things and now I have learned to apply this to Bobbie also. Not getting mad because she wasn’t ready when I was.
My father in law has once again amazed me by showing us how to be more respectful, kind and loving towards each other and for that I am eternally grateful to have him here with us.